Rest in peace, Patricia

This weekend we said our goodbyes to my very dear friend, Patricia Friedrich.  She was my crazy German friend. It's still kind of surreal. It's hard to believe she's really gone. She was not on good terms with her children or boyfriend so it makes her departure even more unsettling. It would've been easier to accept for those she loved if their circumstances were different. I can only hope that in the years to come, her daughters can forgive her and accept that their mother did love them, even though it wasn't in the way they needed it. Everyone who knew Patricia, knew that she loved her daughters. I wish they felt the love that everyone knew she had for them.

Here is what I wrote and read at her service:

Hi, my name is Paula and Patricia was my friend, my “sis,” as she’d call me. 

I first met Patricia at Agnes Scott. We were all there for our official first day at the opening convocation, listening to the school president, Mary Brown Bullock at that time, welcome us. I remember sitting in this majestic hall, of this prestigious women’s college and just being in complete awe. I teared up several times because the sense of accomplishment - of just making it there - was pretty overwhelming. I still remember the motivational message in President Bullock’s address - Agnes Scott is a place where minds spark minds. The convocation ends with the signing of the honor code - a cornerstone of Agnes Scott Life when each woman signs, pledging support and accepting responsibility for herself and her fellow students. Patricia joked about having her fingers crossed behind her back, as she signed the honor code. 

I didn’t belong to the group of women that would naturally be expected to attend Agnes Scott. No, I was a non-traditional student. A high-school dropout, with a GED, a single mom with two kids in elementary school. In fact, once the semester had started, I was secretly convinced that the administration would discretely pull me out of class to let me know they’ve recognized their error accepting me. Luckily, that never happened.

Patricia, on the other hand, she portrayed so much self confidence. She knew she was exactly where she belonged. One of the things I  always admired about her was her confidence. She always seemed so at home in her own skin. As someone who’s always struggled being comfortable in my own skin, I  found this an admirable trait.

Patricia and I  shared quite a few classes together because we were political science majors. We traveled to DC for a women-in-leadership conference. That was the first time I’d ever been to DC. I  remember sitting through a horrible seminar we both hated, so we snuck out and went to the new Holocaust Museum.

We worked with Dr. Cochran to form a pre-law club, writing the charter to make it happen. We called it Publius - the pseudonym that was used by Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and John Jay when they wrote The Federalist Papers. Looking back it seems pretty pompous, but I think it fit the charge of minds sparking minds. Publius is still the pre-law society at Agnes Scott College today. 

While attending school, and raising my kids, I also worked my full-time job. After my third or fourth semester at Agnes Scott, I was promoted at work but it meant that I had to switch from working at night to regular daytime hours. This didn’t fit the traditional day-school hours at Agnes Scott. Sadly, I had to transfer and finish up my final semesters at Oglethorpe University. This separation didn’t end my friendship with Patricia as I worried it might. In fact, I think it strengthened it. 

Patricia (and Joel) would come watch my kids, Shane and Shelby, a couple nights per week when I’d have class. Their presence became a big part of my children’s lives. Patricia was there when my daughter, Shelby, was in the Miss Herrington Woods beauty pageant. Joel built a crystal radio with my son and helped him study for tests. Patricia would take the kids to campus with her for activities while I went to school. 

Even after both of us graduated, we remained in each other’s lives. I remember Patricia and Joel wanting to buy a house in Loganville and me asking her why she wants to live all the way out there, only for me to later move even farther than that, into Monroe. I remember the birth of her daughters, Austin and then Svea.

Years passed but we were always still there for one another. holidays, birthdays, pool parties, weddings, funerals, birthday lunches, spontaneous dinners, meetups, etc… we were there for each other. Even in the worst of times -  except this one. 

Mental illness, depression, addiction, all of it is a horrible thing. I wish I could say that during the 20+ years of kids, parties, weddings, holidays spent together, I never knew Patricia struggled with mental health issues, but I can’t. I did know - not at first, but eventually. I just never knew how to help her.

I took her to rehab. But it wasn’t enough.

Unfortunately, over the past few years, Patricia and I had kind of grown apart. I moved to Knoxville and wasn’t in her inner circle anymore. We remained friends on social media, but our once close friendship had grown stale and cold. We’d exchange a text message here and there, but we were no longer close.

I’m thankful for Pad and Erin, and all of her others friends who helped her though her days. I  know it’s easy to blame ourselves and feel guilty about what happened, but we can’t do that. This is not our fault. Patricia struggled hard and I hate that she felt this was the only way out. But, I am glad that she is no longer struggling. I’m glad that part is over for her.

Rest in Peace, sis. You may no longer be here, but your spark will not fade in anyone’s mind anytime soon.

Patricia is home with me now. At some point, I will take her to the ocean.

Sup?!

Me!  That's what!  Been telling the world I'm 5'2.75" for 20+ years.  Turns out: I'm 5'4"! Go me!  This makes for a much better BMI.  I now have some of the hope I've been looking for. HA.

By the way, I'm working on a blog that's at least a year overdue.  Stay tuned, if you wanna know the latest in my world.  Meanwhile, go measure yourself.  You might be surprised of the result.

Today

Today

I am freeing myself
I am freeing myself of the longing and the want
Of the thing you will never have

I am freeing myself of the time constraints
placed upon us by your desires to drink and smoke
and not share in the things I want to do

I am freeing myself of the vast amounts of time
I spend thinking of you, worring about you, wanting you
wanting you to want me, wanting you to want what I want

I am freeing myself of the imbalance, the inequity
Of wanting things done your way
Without thoughts of me, or Us
Of wanting shared experiences

Today I am freeing myself of the lives, the hope, the caves, the lakes and plentiful parks
That live and thrive in Austin
That I so wanted to be part of, but you did not want me to take part in

I am freeing myself of your family
Whom I love so much
This, by far, will be the most difficult part

Today was filled with sunshine, the smell of honesuckle trees and dancing
Today lives were given and taken
Today decisions were made

Today, I free myself of my addiction
You

And also Today, I free you
Of Me

Tomorrow, I will start to heal

Drama is Exhausting

I've not written in a long time because there's been too much to write about I couldn't possibly keep up.  I'm feeling the need to write now because there's so much weight on my shoulders and each thing is very important, worth its own merit and yet I'm feeling so stressed, taken for granted, used and abused, and probably some self pity for good measure.  Now, where to start...

1.  I moved out of Mike's house because I was about to have a nervous breakdown.  I was seriously having panic attacks because I couldn't bear to be there.  Mike and I have have so many differences, not to mention he's my ex-husband for a reason, and who the hell moves back in with their ex-husband?  I was so depressed being in that house, away from my friends, my jobs, my life.  I didn't feel comfortable.  As soon as the kids went to bed, I ran to my room to hole myself up for the night and avoid any contact with Mike.  I was angry with him for so many things.  I was also grateful that he took in the kids - but it's not like something I had to beg him to do: He wanted the kids.  He wanted the kids to live with him, and raise them and provide him with the family he lost when we divorced.  I, however, was not part of that package and could no longer put up with things.  I feel like I did my part, got Emma to a point where she sleeps all night, is easy to care for and all you have to do is feed, change and play with her periodically and she's good to go.  Ellie, on the other hand, is a constant work in progress and Mike is not a big help when it comes to being tough and providing the structure he requires right now so he'll need less later.  Ellie has Mike wrapped around his finger - he's his puppet and at this point Ellie is a master puppeteer when it comes to Mike.  It's very frustrating to say the least and any efforts I make are pretty much futile.

I still watch the kids and go to Monroe when Mike goes out of town or teaches on Saturdays.  So I'm still involved in their lives and I contribute financially by paying for Emma's daycare, so I don't feel like I'm just dumping the kids on him.  I do feel like he tries to make excuses for me to come out there when it's unnecessary.  So I'm handling that problem by looking for a sitter.  Driving back and forth to Monroe once/twice per week is costly in gas and puts quite a bit of wear and tear on my car - none of which Mike really cares about.  Dealing with ex-husbands, especially ones you share custody of grandchildren with, is pretty damn stressful.

2.  I moved in with Jay.  That's been a whirlwind of surprises, adventures, experiences - you name it.  This is actually the second time we've tried living together - the first time only lasting about a week, but that's par for our relationship.  This time is requiring lots of changes and adjustments and it's quite odd and awkward and I don't know if we're each very happy with each other and the situation. I often think about how things were different when we were first dating and the things that aren't okay now were okay then - because everything was new and fun and not serious.  But now that we are sharing our everyday lives with each other, things are different and things are serious. There are positives and negatives and I don't know really which outweigh each other at this point.  This second time has only been a few weeks, so we lasted longer than before, but some major changes are taking place and it's creating a distance between us - causing us to communicate less and not really enjoy being together, like before.  I wish things were different and I do hope they get better.  We've always had this "crazy love" that goes from one extreme to the other, but we always reunite.  The kind of things we're going through now are tough and boring - like regular life, which is what I want.  I want to live a regular (sometimes boring) life with a person who gives me as much love as I give.  But the things going on right now are stressful and I hope time will make it better.  Jay does make efforts but I worry about stripping him of happiness.  That makes me sad, because that's the last thing I want to do.

3.  I'm working for one of my doctors that I used to manage years ago.  I got her right out of residency, so I feel like she's my baby and I've stuck with her over the years - helping her out here and there.  About three years ago, she came to me and wanted to start her own practice.  I told her I would help her get it up and running, but I under no certain terms wanted to stay on and manage her practice.  I worked in healthcare administration for many years and I got so burned out, I was about ready to go postal on some doctors.  So, I got her business up and running - business license, created the LLC, got her credentialed, got CLIA waivers for in-office testing and so forth.  Then I found a replacement for me and I left.  She then decided to expand her business and did not reach out to me about it - which is fine, since I'm not her keeper.  But two years later, because certain protocols and procedures weren't followed and pursued by the current practice administrator, the practice is in pretty bad shape.  Like, it's to the point of I don't know if it can be saved.  So, she reached out to me about two months ago and told me everything that was going on.  I've been working diligently to try and clean up some messes that are a priority and then try to help her decide if the practice is salvageable.  This is very stressful as well, and I honestly don't know if I can save it.

4.  Ebony is out of prison. He's still in California, in a half-way house.  I spoke to him a couple of weeks ago and he said he has to pay restitution ($200) and do some other whatever whatever with his parole officer to see if he can come to Georgia - which could take anywhere from six to nine months.  That, is not very stressful, thank goodness.  I don't see Ebony as a threat and don't see him trying to intervene in the kids' lives any time soon.

5.  I completed a visitation form to go see Shelby and it was denied because I marked NO to the question asking if I had ever been arrested.  I actually have been arrested - like when I was 21, part of a bar fight, and everything was dismissed.  I actually thought it was expunged from my record because it's never shown up before in any background check.  I also marked NO to juvenile arrest, but I was in juvenile because I was a little badass teenager and got put in there for being "unruly."  I think I spent two nights in there or something.  But I thought juvenile records didn't count and were sealed?????  So, anyway, the denial came with an invitation for me to reapply with the correct information about my "criminal record." HA.  I guess they felt that bar fight and my unruly teenage behavior would pose a risk for the Folsom Prison staff.  Anyway, I completed the form again with all of that information and hopefully they will approve me.  I'd like to visit Shelby in November, if possible.  That's stressful.

Anyway, I'll close for now.  These are just a few top issues of the day, every day.  There are plenty more, but they are all minor compared to these.  I still have to deal with them, but they're not as taxing as these.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to be able to lead a peaceful life.  I honestly don't know if it's in the cards for me.  A few friends have told me that there are so many things I have to deal with in my life that are not a direct result of my behavior - which makes me feel better.  I try to determine which is which.  My life seems to have so many crises in it.  I wonder what I would do if there weren't any crises to handle.  Would I create a crisis, or am I capable of living a calm, peaceful life without all the drama?  Drama is exhausting.

To catch up on the latest with Ellie and Emma, just click on their Tumblr site. Here's a link, but it's also listed on the side of my blog under Kickass Links. 

Short update

Well, they finally moved Shelby out of jail in LA and into the Central California Women's Facility.  I don't know if this is where she'll be serving the remainder of her sentence or if they'll move her again.  Based on the last phone conversation, it sounded like this might be a temporary spot for sorting people out and determining where they will go - based on their crimes and sentences and so forth.

Ebony was also moved.  We originally thought he'd be serving his time in the detention center but word has it that he was able to negotiate that he be moved to a prison instead of having to stay in the detention center - which is worse than prison.   I think Ebony was moved two weeks ago.  It looks like Shelby was moved yesterday.

They don't let them take much of their stuff with them when they transfer, so Shelby mailed me all of the photos I had sent her along with a few others, and asked that I send them back to her once she has a permanent address.  In the photos was one I hadn't seen.  It was a photo of her at the hospital, right after she had Emma.

She's looking a little rough, but at least somebody took this picture and she has a photo with her baby.

Another thing happened today.  The guardianship papers went through and the court granted us the legal guardians of the children.  This will allow many things to happen now (insurance for one) and it will also serve as protection in case Ebony and/or Shelby get out and want to just come snatch up the kids.  There will need to be a process they have to go through and reintegrate themselves back into their children's lives.  They need to prove themselves responsible adults - they work and can provide a stable household for their children and are up to no shenanigans.

So, that's where things are now.  I'm currently looking for an activity to get Ellie involved in - soccer or some sort of sports. He's a good runner, maybe something like track.  I'm also looking for something for Emma - like infant aquatics.  It'll be useful for us both.

That's about all for now.  I'm still trying to find a job and looking for a place to live in the city.  Mike and I will share custody of the kids, like a normal divorced couple with kids.  It's just not working out here.  The kids will be fine.

Everything will be okay.  Eventually.

Oh, by the way, check out the tool kit Sesame Street has for children with incarcerated parents:
http://www.sesamestreet.org/parents/topicsandactivities/toolkits/incarceration

He signed the papers

The notary met with Shelby and Ebony yesterday and they both signed the guardianship papers.  Mike will file them with the Walton County Court tomorrow.  Basically it gives us custody of both of the kids and neither of them can just come get them when released.  There will be a plan of transition - one that shows they are acting as responsible people and parents, working, secure and stable place to live and so forth.  It's a huge relief.  The worst thing that could happen is that the kids get put back into and exposed to the lifestyle they had prior to all of this.

I spoke to Shelby tonight.  She feels relieved that Ebony signed the papers as well.  Ebony called me yesterday, after the notary had left the jail, and had all kinds of questions and still had somewhat of a tone like "I don't want y'all stealing my kids."  I'm pretty sure I raised my voice to him and just unloaded pretty much everything I wrote in my last blog, Dear Shelby.  I think that provided him with some relief.

Mike and I got into it a little bit today.  He now too knows exactly how I feel about everything - and how unhappy I am living here.  He seems to have had a memory lapse and doesn't remember all of the conversations prior to today's.  He was somewhat conciliatory, and said he will eventually help me find another place to live.  While I'm unhappy, I wouldn't do anything to cause great stress on Ellie's or Emma's life.  I will eventually find another place to live - preferably a two-bedroom that will allow me to take the kids at times and Mike to take the kids - kinda like a divorced couple with kids.  This would be their primary residence though.  I'm good with that, because they have awesome rooms I designed. ;)  Mike is learning the ins and outs of parenting too.  I still see myself as probably taking more of the lead in Emma's care than Ellie's, but as she gets older, he'll feel more confident in handling her.

Dear Shelby

I'm really mad at you right now.  I've not said it out right until now, but right now, I just really hate every decision you've made, how your actions have changed so many lives and how selfish you still behave.

I hate my life right now.  I closed on my condo last week.  I got a check for $3,000 - more than what I was thinking I was going to get so I was thinking about taking a short getwaway or something - something to clear my head and hopefully get me motivated to this new life I've somewhat agreed to living.  But no, it didn't work out that way.  Instead, I'm having to use the money to pay for a well to be repaired in my ex-husband's house, so we can have some sort of water pressure.  It's already odd enough that I hate living in a house that is no longer mine - nor will I ever consider it to be mine again; living with a man upstairs I was once married to, but for many reasons did not work out - and he has not changed a single bit, and in lots of cases has just become more and more self-involved (even to the point of not properly caring the upkeep on his own residence - which has now become my problem); the weirdness of being together in situations with him - all of that - it's not even like we're friends - we're not.  It's so fucking uncomfortable.  I hate it.  I hate that I hate it and I hate that I can't just accept it and "try to make the best of it" as people have told me.  I wish I could've just taken that money and paid six months rent on a little one-bedroom apartment in midtown and waited for Ebony to get out jail and come get the kids, because that's probably what's gonna end up happening anyway. 

I hate living here.  I hate not having a home.  I hate that you did what you did.  I hate that I feel the way I do.  Just know that you're not the only one who feels like she's in prison.

Love,
Mom

PS
By the way, this is probably the best life your children have ever known and you, nor Ebony, will ever know, or truly appreciate that - and that makes me mad too.

Missing my life

Even though I truly love Ellie and Emma, I so miss my life.  I miss living in Midtown.  I miss doing what I wanted when I wanted to do it (as in not having someone dependent on me).  I miss my crazy-ass relationship with Jay and our fun Saturdays.  I miss my friends and walking to Piedmont park whenever I wanted.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful for Mike and his generosity and having us live here, but I still miss all that.  But it is nice not having to pay rent.  It's nice having all the cable channels I don't even have time to watch.  It's nice to sit and watch two beautiful children grow and crack up at all of the funny things Ellie says and does.

I'm slowly getting my things put in place and trying to make this apartment my temporary home, but it's still sad at times.

Things I'm happy about:
1. Watching/hearing how Emma stops crying when she hears my voice because right now I'm the most important person in the world to her.
2.  Taking care of Emma and watching her grow.  She has just started smiling on her own and it's a damn cute smile.
3.  Watching Ellie and laughing at how funny he his.
4.  Ellie's hair (altho I am going to get it trimmed very soon - a good friend made a really cool suggestion for it and I think it might work).
5.  Being with all of my pets again
6. Not having to pay regular monthly bills (mortgage/rent, utilities, cable, internet)

Things I truly miss:
1.  My independence
2.  Jay
3.  My friends
4.  The city
5.  Getting anywhere ITP in about 20 minutes

Well, I know I'm behind in my blogging, but thought I'd post this short one.  Heading to Knoxville tomorrow to finish Christmas with Shane and his kids.  We'll be back Sunday.

Ciao!

One Day

One Day

One day I will learn I'm worth more than my daily self doubts
One day I will learn that I'm loved as much as I love
One day I will learn that my personality covers the majority of my cellulite
One day I will realize I mean more to others than they tell me
One day I will truly believe it
One day I will discover that I've actually made a positive difference in somebody's life
One day I will feel completely fulfilled
One day I will feel consumed by love and cherished by the person I'm in complete and total love with
One day I will not be jealous because I will realize that I am enough
One day I will stop living for the future and absorb the bliss that is today
One day I will love myself as much as I love the world and those in it
One day I will accept that today has to be that day, and I will be happy

They took the deals

I know I'm several blogs behind.  I've been pretty busy lately and just haven't taken the time to write.

1.  I'm no longer in LA
2.  The baby was born on 11/22/2013 (7lbs, 1oz) - her name is Emma Kay Lynne Woodson
3.  I about had a nervous breakdown when I learned Shelby was in the hospital  - guess it was kind of like a culmination of events and the birth would mark the true end of one phase and the real beginning of another.  I dunno, that's my self-psychoanalysis.
4.  She is beautiful
5.  I started a Tumblr log for Shelby and my goal is to make at least one post each day - that way when she gets out, she'll be able to see what the kids did each and every day.  If you wanna keep up too, you can follow it at http://ellie-emma-world.tumblr.com/.  I chose Tumblr because of the ease to post.  They have such a great app and it's a solid site.

Me breaking down (I honestly forgot how to get dressed and couldn't find shoes to put on for about 30 minutes - it was pretty bad:

 Baby Emma (she was born before I could get to the hospital):

So, yesterday, Shelby and Ebony went back to court.  Remember last time, Ebony screwed everything up by rejecting the deal.  I was able to go see him at Pitchess Detention Center before leaving California and talk to him about it.  By the time I left, he said he would agree to deal.  He also said he would agree to signing the guardianship papers.  The former he did, the latter is still yet to be seen.

So, here are the deals that were finally offered by the DA and accepted by Shelby and Ebony.

Shelby - Charge: Assault.  Four years in prison.
Ebony - Charge: Attempted Robbery.  Two years in prison.

Now the way it'll play out is like this: Shelby will serve 85% of her sentence (which comes out to about three years and two months - including time already served) and Ebony will serve 50% of his sentence (which is about seven months, including the time already served).  They will both be eligible for parole after serving the percentages of their time.  Ebony got to serve at a 50% rate because they reduced the charge from Robbery to Attempted Robbery.  Since I wasn't there yesterday, I don't know the reasoning behind the reduction in his charge.  It is frustrating though.

Shelby is going to try and paroled in Georgia.  I don't know if Ebony will do the same, or not.  In order to parole in Georgia, each of them will have to petition the Georgia State Parole Board and ask that they accept them.  I don't know the likelihood of it happening or not.  I also do not know how long they will be on parole, but I assume it would be for the remaining part of their original full sentence.

The sentencing will take place on December 19th.  Shelby's lawyer is asking the judge that Shelby be sent to the California Institution for Women, located in Corona.  It will ultimately be up the Board of Corrections to where she gets sent.  Ebony will serve his sentence in Pitchess Detention Center, which is north of LA and where he's currently incarcerated.

Today in Court - Totally Sucked

Today was the court date set for Ebony and Shelby to accept or reject the deal given to them by the district attorney, on Nov. 12th - the last court date.  I thought everything was ready to go.  I had spoken to Shelby several times and she new she was offered a good deal.  Ebony's deal was even better, he'd been offered two years, would probably serve a year, or even less than that.

Got up, dressed for court and headed out the door.

Got to the courthouse - they call it the BBC.  I don't know what the acronym is for - haven't had the interest to look it up.  Anyway, went to the court room, third floor, 317.  I enter and see Ebony's dad, and Heather, a on-again off-again girlfriend of Ebony's.  I also see Joesph Reisz, Shelby's attorney, but don't see Ebony's attorney.  A few minutes later he walks through the door, gets Reisz' attention and calls him outside of the courtroom.  Another case is currently being tried, Shelby and Ebony's case hasn't been called yet.  I exit the courtroom after them, to let Reisz know I'm there.  He acknowledges me but continues to talk with Ebony's lawyer.  I take a seat in the hallway and wait for them to finish their discussion. 

Here's the BBC:

Afterwards, Reisz walks over to me, seemingly frustrated, and tells me that Ebony has decided to reject the deal.  "What?!, " I ask.  "Why?"  He tells me because he's an idiot.  I agree with him.  He says that Ebony feels as though he is the victim in the case.  He was just with Shelby and George attacked him.  I asked him how this affects Shelby's case.  The problem is the case is being tried together, because the crime was committed together.  So Reisz then tells me that he's going to see if the DA will agree to split the case, allowing Shelby to accept the deal and then let Ebony fend for himself.  I thought that was an excellent plan and agreed with him.

We all go back into the court room.  The other case has ended and Ebony and Shelby's case is called.  Instead of bringing them in the courtroom, the lawyers waive their appearance and state that they'd like some time to talk to their clients, that one is rejecting the offer and the other is not.  The judge agrees and the lawyers and the DA step out of the courtroom.  The DA looks pissed.  Reisz tells me he's gonna try to get Shelby to talk to Ebony - have them and both lawyers in the same room - to discuss it and try to get him to change his mind.

He goes upstairs to tell Shelby what's happening.  He comes back down.  Shelby is obviously very upset.  She was ready to accept the offer and move forward.  This stalls things completely.  The DA has 10 days to think about splitting the case, so the court date was reset to December 5th at 1:30pm.  Obviously, Shelby will have (or better have) had the baby by then and I will not be here for that hearing.  That is also my birthday.  Happy birthday to me.

Here is a brief, oversimplified version of the problems with all of this:

If the DA refuses to separate the case, then Shelby's offer could be redacted.  The DA is pissed. I told Reicz that Shelby could testify against him, thinking it could make it more appealing to the DA to separate the case. The box cutter found at the scene could be put in Ebony hands. Reicz is worried about if they don't split case, then it's both armed. Conspiracy to commit murder....several other charges could be found if they go to trial.  The police tape of them being interviewed is pretty damming.  Both are mad.  Both Ebony and Shelby say stupid things - that could potentially be used against them.

If they don't separate the case and Ebony continues to refuse, then the case goes to trial.  If found guilty, Shelby could be looking at serving 10 - 18 years.  Ebony could be looking about 10.  Ebony thinks he's the victim.  Shelby did the stabbing.  He was just there and George attacked him.  George was the aggressor.  But the stupid thing Ebony did was go back and steal his cell phone.  He stole a cell phone from a man on the ground bleeding, then left the scene of the crime.  That's how he got the felony robbery charge against him. 

Shelby's lawyer thinks Ebony's family is telling him to not take it. But I talked to his dad and to Heather. They were both shocked and think Ebony's being stupid.  My gut is telling me his lawyer is advising him against the deal. My gut is usually right.

Here's my hope: the DA separates the case and allows Shelby to take the deal. Ebony goes to trial and loses and then gets locked up for long time.  What are the chances of that happening?  I don't know.  50/50, I'd say.

So now, all of my court appearances are over.  Now I'm just sitting here waiting for Shelby to have her baby so I can get her go back home.  Ellie is missing me and I'm missing him too.

Ruh Roh - Water works

So, I was taking a shower yesterday and I noticed that the tube on the shower nozzle was exposed and it was really bubbled up, like a huge pimple about to pop.  Then suddenly, bam, water starts spraying everywhere.  Crap!  I'm a guest and I've single handedly, two days into the apartment, broken her shower sprayer.

So, I planned on just buying her a new shower sprayer when I went out later to ship some boxes home, so I'll have a lighter load when the baby comes and I have to make my way through the airport.  I headed to Burbank because they have a bunch of the big chain stores like Lowes and UPS store.  Like I mentioned before, Jenna was so generous and gave me bunches of clothes and her friend that had a baby also gave a bunch too.  Well, there's just no way to pack all of this into suitcases and pull it through the airport .

Then, three boxes and $217.00 later, I decided that I might need to just try a simplier solution for the shower and tape it up.  So I headed to Lowes.  Spoke to a very nice gentleman who told me to wrap the hose with one piece of tape on the inside, so it won't get bulky trying to slide the silver casing up and taping it.  This is how it turned out.

We'll see how long it lasts.  I think I'm gonna take the hose and see if there is just a replacement for that.

Babywait 2013 - My Awesome Friends - and how I'm feeling loved

So, I'm still in LA, waiting for Shelby to have her baby.  There's not much more to be done here, on the legal end.  She and Ebony go back to court on Thursday to accept the deals the DA offered them, then they send them off to prison.  Shelby was hoping to go to this program called Fire Camp - it's for prisoners to clean up the rubble from all of the wild fires in California.  But their web site states that they don't take people convicted of violent crimes, so she probably is not a candidate for Fire Camp.

I guess it's possible that Ebony could serve his time in the detention center since it'll only be about 13 months.  I guess it's up to the courts and prisons.  Word has it that Ebony is not keen to signing guardianship papers to me and Mike, either.  That's gonna be a huge fucking headache if it's true.  We'll fight it, of course, but if he gets out and comes and gets the kids, after we've provided them with a stable life for over a year, it'll be heartbreaking and it's possible we won't know how to reach him and whatnot.  That's really depressing and I don't want to write about that right now.

What I do want to write about is my awesome friends.  First of all, my friend Angela.  If it weren't for her, I would not have a place to stay here in LA.  When I contacted her and told her the deal, I asked if I could stay with her for a week or so, before Shelby's due date.  She said of course, instantly. Then, after talking to Shelby and realizing that I needed to be here for the dependency hearing for Ellie, on October 31st, I asked her if there might be a vacant studio in her complex that her landlady (Nancy) might rent me for a month.  Staying with someone for a week is one thing, but a month is something completely different and I didn't want to put her out.  So she did some asking around and come to find out, a neighbor of hers (Adora) has a boyfriend (Jimmy) who actually rents a studio in the building but he works in Florida and was going to be gone during that time and said I could stay for free!  Amazing, right?

It's nothing fancy, just a little studio apartment with a bed, kitchen and bathroom.  I spent about $40 at the 99Cent store buying two plates, tow glasses, silverware, a skillet, etc...  I would fill up my skillet with water each morning, heat it to boil and drink instant coffee.  Angela lent two folding lounge chairs so I'd have something to sit on.  It met my needs perfectly.  Then Angela told me she was going back to Atlanta for a couple months and I could move upstairs to her one-bedroom.  It has a couch, chair, TV, kitchen and microwave and coffee maker, and bed.  Woot!  Plus the timing was perfect because Jimmy was coming back from Florida.

                             (btw - that's all of my crap all over the place - Angela keeps a tidy crib)

So, I've been kickin' it in Angela's place for a couple days now - which is awesome - getting caught up on Walking Dead and other shows.  I love Angela's little apartment - it's in North Hollywood, which is a good location and pretty convenient to lots of things.  Problem is, I don't really like LA and I'm not that motivated to visit lots of things.  I'm pretty much ready to get the baby and go back home.  But, I digress.  Back to my awesome friends.

I was also able to meet up with my friends Kasia and Tal.  They are film makers I originally met in Atlanta but then they moved to NYC and got big shot jobs and Kasia is a recurring alien on Star Trek and has been scary chicks in big shot movies and an assistant to big shot directors, as has Tal and now they live in LA and they are way too cool for school.  Anyways, I got to meet up with them last week after the video conference with Shelby and just hang and they listened to me whine and still texted me days after hanging out.  I didn't scare them off.  They were so supportive and great listeners and we were able to share wonderful stories about a mutual Atlanta friend, Daniel Burnley, who recently died, unexpectedly.  But we met at this really nice place (with awesome food and pricing) and then got our pictures taken in their cool photo booth.  How cool is that? That was some much needed fun!

Last week, I met up with a longtime Atlanta friend, Jenna.  She and her hubby (and baby Rio) moved out here a couple of years ago.  She still visits Atlanta and we try to catch up when she does, but it'd been over a year since I last saw her.  Since then, she's had another baby, Luc (French spelling and pronunciation, as her husband is from French).  Jenna actually read my blog and reached out to me and wanted to help in some way.  So we met for lunch. It was so great seeing her.  She's so pretty and always has a smile on her face.  I love looking at her.  Anyway, girl crush aside, she gave me four bags of baby and big-boy clothes (for Ellie, since Rio and he are around the same age) and shipped a box of toys to Monroe.  Mike called to tell me that they arrived today.  How awesome is that?!  Look at all this stuff!  The Kaloo is a French thing and it's supposed to be for good luck.  I'll definitely take that because I need all of the good luck I can get right now.  Isn't it adorable?  You pull it down and it plays music as it scrunches back up.

Then, my friend, Tiffany, who is a self-denying artist, designed two door plaques for Ellie and Emma's doors.  She texted me photos of them the other day, because I couldn't wait to see them and I pressured her into sending me photos of them.  I LOVE them!  They are unique!  Ellie and Emma are two special little kids, with lots of love they don't even know about!

I also cannot leave out some other very special friends as well.  First, Gabe and Trin.  Gabe, my business partner, and I have worked together since 2006.  We've seen the worst and best sides of each other and through it all, we continue to work together - something works right there.  We are actually horrible work partners because we fight like brother and sister, yet our projects turn out great.  It's just getting through the process that's the hard part.  And Trin, she's had to share him with me all these years, which I know has been difficult so she gets the most kudos - altho I do hope I have provided her with some relief and respite at times.  Gabe is quite a handful.  ;)  (But I wouldn't trade him for the world.)  Anywho.....back to their awesomeness....  They gave me a travel system: a stroller that has a baby carrier that snaps into a car seat and the stroller and another base for another (namely Mike's) car for the carrier, in case one person has the kid the morning and the other person has the kid in the evening - you don't have to move the car seat, just the carrier.  That's pure genius - sure didn't have that when I was raising Shane and Shelby.  They also gave us a bouncer and toys for Ellie, since Gustav and Ellie are the same age, and an alphabet sponge mat thingy.

And, Mary Jane, Jay's mom also gave me a bunch of toys for Ellie, since her three grandsons are older than Ellie and have outgrown some of their toys, like to big Legos, Linkin Logs and a chalkboard and stuff like that.  She even gave up an old toy, that Jay claims to have played with (he didn't mention how long ago, so could just be a few years ago) - one of those dogs with moving feet as you pull the leash.

I swear, I don't know how I would make it through all this without my friends.  Jay came out for a visit this past weekend.  That's a completely different blog, but I am grateful that he did.  I needed some time with him and to think about other things and have fun with him. We did a bunch of the touristy things but also just chilled, which was good.  I did get him to try on the baby Bjorn - hee hee.

I am one lucky person and I don't know what I've done to deserve such wonderful people in my life, but I'm so glad I have them.  Now, it's just back to Babywait (see what I did there? You get it? Like Watergate? Bwahhahahaha - okay, cornball, I know).  Shelby just called me and said she has been having cramps but she went to the doctor yesterday and she's not had any contractions, nor is she dilated.  However, since her visit, she's been spotting, so hopefully the doctor gave Emma a little tap to let her know that it's okay to go ahead and come on out.  People are waiting on her - especially me.  I'm ready to get her and go home.  I still have a condo to move out of and into Monroe.  I sure hope she's strong, because I'm gonna need some help moving.

I did go out today and get a couple things at BabiesRUs for Emma.  I got her a cute, "coming home from the hospital outfit," some shoes (how cute are these?!), more diapers and instant formula for the plane.  She better hurry up and get here before I max out Mike's BabiesRUs card. Tomorrow, I plan on shipping a couple boxes to Monroe so I don't have to deal with all this stuff and a baby while trying to maneuver my way around the airport with a newborn.

PS:  I thought the cute Zebra dress for her coming home from the hospital is completely perfect - with it's little prison stripes.  Hey, I gotta take the humor where I can find it, right?  She will be adorable.  Now, c'mon Shelby, do some jumping jacks already!