This weekend we said our goodbyes to my very dear friend, Patricia Friedrich. She was my crazy German friend. It's still kind of surreal. It's hard to believe she's really gone. She was not on good terms with her children or boyfriend so it makes her departure even more unsettling. It would've been easier to accept for those she loved if their circumstances were different. I can only hope that in the years to come, her daughters can forgive her and accept that their mother did love them, even though it wasn't in the way they needed it. Everyone who knew Patricia, knew that she loved her daughters. I wish they felt the love that everyone knew she had for them.
Here is what I wrote and read at her service:
Hi, my name is Paula and Patricia was my friend, my “sis,” as she’d call me.
I first met Patricia at Agnes Scott. We were all there for our official first day at the opening convocation, listening to the school president, Mary Brown Bullock at that time, welcome us. I remember sitting in this majestic hall, of this prestigious women’s college and just being in complete awe. I teared up several times because the sense of accomplishment - of just making it there - was pretty overwhelming. I still remember the motivational message in President Bullock’s address - Agnes Scott is a place where minds spark minds. The convocation ends with the signing of the honor code - a cornerstone of Agnes Scott Life when each woman signs, pledging support and accepting responsibility for herself and her fellow students. Patricia joked about having her fingers crossed behind her back, as she signed the honor code.
I didn’t belong to the group of women that would naturally be expected to attend Agnes Scott. No, I was a non-traditional student. A high-school dropout, with a GED, a single mom with two kids in elementary school. In fact, once the semester had started, I was secretly convinced that the administration would discretely pull me out of class to let me know they’ve recognized their error accepting me. Luckily, that never happened.
Patricia, on the other hand, she portrayed so much self confidence. She knew she was exactly where she belonged. One of the things I always admired about her was her confidence. She always seemed so at home in her own skin. As someone who’s always struggled being comfortable in my own skin, I found this an admirable trait.
Patricia and I shared quite a few classes together because we were political science majors. We traveled to DC for a women-in-leadership conference. That was the first time I’d ever been to DC. I remember sitting through a horrible seminar we both hated, so we snuck out and went to the new Holocaust Museum.
We worked with Dr. Cochran to form a pre-law club, writing the charter to make it happen. We called it Publius - the pseudonym that was used by Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and John Jay when they wrote The Federalist Papers. Looking back it seems pretty pompous, but I think it fit the charge of minds sparking minds. Publius is still the pre-law society at Agnes Scott College today.
While attending school, and raising my kids, I also worked my full-time job. After my third or fourth semester at Agnes Scott, I was promoted at work but it meant that I had to switch from working at night to regular daytime hours. This didn’t fit the traditional day-school hours at Agnes Scott. Sadly, I had to transfer and finish up my final semesters at Oglethorpe University. This separation didn’t end my friendship with Patricia as I worried it might. In fact, I think it strengthened it.
Patricia (and Joel) would come watch my kids, Shane and Shelby, a couple nights per week when I’d have class. Their presence became a big part of my children’s lives. Patricia was there when my daughter, Shelby, was in the Miss Herrington Woods beauty pageant. Joel built a crystal radio with my son and helped him study for tests. Patricia would take the kids to campus with her for activities while I went to school.
Even after both of us graduated, we remained in each other’s lives. I remember Patricia and Joel wanting to buy a house in Loganville and me asking her why she wants to live all the way out there, only for me to later move even farther than that, into Monroe. I remember the birth of her daughters, Austin and then Svea.
Years passed but we were always still there for one another. holidays, birthdays, pool parties, weddings, funerals, birthday lunches, spontaneous dinners, meetups, etc… we were there for each other. Even in the worst of times - except this one.
Mental illness, depression, addiction, all of it is a horrible thing. I wish I could say that during the 20+ years of kids, parties, weddings, holidays spent together, I never knew Patricia struggled with mental health issues, but I can’t. I did know - not at first, but eventually. I just never knew how to help her.
I took her to rehab. But it wasn’t enough.
Unfortunately, over the past few years, Patricia and I had kind of grown apart. I moved to Knoxville and wasn’t in her inner circle anymore. We remained friends on social media, but our once close friendship had grown stale and cold. We’d exchange a text message here and there, but we were no longer close.
I’m thankful for Pad and Erin, and all of her others friends who helped her though her days. I know it’s easy to blame ourselves and feel guilty about what happened, but we can’t do that. This is not our fault. Patricia struggled hard and I hate that she felt this was the only way out. But, I am glad that she is no longer struggling. I’m glad that part is over for her.
Rest in Peace, sis. You may no longer be here, but your spark will not fade in anyone’s mind anytime soon.
Patricia is home with me now. At some point, I will take her to the ocean.
