Monday, November 12, 2012

Busy and Tired...

Feeling very frustrated today. I've been trying to find ways to constructively rid myself of the frustration, but it's come down to just writing - which is probably the best way anyway.

I'm my own worst enemy. I know this - have known it for years. If there's a bad decision to be made, you can pretty much bet on the fact that I'll make it. Then, when I feel overwhelmed, frustrated, tired, taken for granted and advantage of, I have nobody to blame but myself, which then just makes me more frustrated. It's a toxic cycle and I know it. My biggest problem is actually taking the steps to stop behaviors and habits, breaking the cycle. It's so easy to keep things as they are, even if they are unhealthy and not in your (my) best interest. Changing things for the positive, learning to not let people take advantage of me, take me for granted, live, eat and breathe healthier is tough. It's a lot of work - and to be honest, most days I'm not up for it.

I need to start practicing the word NO more often, then use it. Then not feel bad for using it. I need to surround myself with people who are good for me, absolutely want to be with me, want the best things for me and don't really want anything from me. One of the problems is that I'm a giver - always have been. I don't know how to not give - except to myself. I need to start giving myself more of what it good for me. I'm in bad habits with myself.

Ugh......back to it. I know this too shall pass, and brighter days will avail, but it's all just very tiring and gloomy right now.