Wednesday, January 8, 2014

He signed the papers

The notary met with Shelby and Ebony yesterday and they both signed the guardianship papers.  Mike will file them with the Walton County Court tomorrow.  Basically it gives us custody of both of the kids and neither of them can just come get them when released.  There will be a plan of transition - one that shows they are acting as responsible people and parents, working, secure and stable place to live and so forth.  It's a huge relief.  The worst thing that could happen is that the kids get put back into and exposed to the lifestyle they had prior to all of this.

I spoke to Shelby tonight.  She feels relieved that Ebony signed the papers as well.  Ebony called me yesterday, after the notary had left the jail, and had all kinds of questions and still had somewhat of a tone like "I don't want y'all stealing my kids."  I'm pretty sure I raised my voice to him and just unloaded pretty much everything I wrote in my last blog, Dear Shelby.  I think that provided him with some relief.

Mike and I got into it a little bit today.  He now too knows exactly how I feel about everything - and how unhappy I am living here.  He seems to have had a memory lapse and doesn't remember all of the conversations prior to today's.  He was somewhat conciliatory, and said he will eventually help me find another place to live.  While I'm unhappy, I wouldn't do anything to cause great stress on Ellie's or Emma's life.  I will eventually find another place to live - preferably a two-bedroom that will allow me to take the kids at times and Mike to take the kids - kinda like a divorced couple with kids.  This would be their primary residence though.  I'm good with that, because they have awesome rooms I designed. ;)  Mike is learning the ins and outs of parenting too.  I still see myself as probably taking more of the lead in Emma's care than Ellie's, but as she gets older, he'll feel more confident in handling her.

Friday, January 3, 2014

Dear Shelby

I'm really mad at you right now.  I've not said it out right until now, but right now, I just really hate every decision you've made, how your actions have changed so many lives and how selfish you still behave.

I hate my life right now.  I closed on my condo last week.  I got a check for $3,000 - more than what I was thinking I was going to get so I was thinking about taking a short getwaway or something - something to clear my head and hopefully get me motivated to this new life I've somewhat agreed to living.  But no, it didn't work out that way.  Instead, I'm having to use the money to pay for a well to be repaired in my ex-husband's house, so we can have some sort of water pressure.  It's already odd enough that I hate living in a house that is no longer mine - nor will I ever consider it to be mine again; living with a man upstairs I was once married to, but for many reasons did not work out - and he has not changed a single bit, and in lots of cases has just become more and more self-involved (even to the point of not properly caring the upkeep on his own residence - which has now become my problem); the weirdness of being together in situations with him - all of that - it's not even like we're friends - we're not.  It's so fucking uncomfortable.  I hate it.  I hate that I hate it and I hate that I can't just accept it and "try to make the best of it" as people have told me.  I wish I could've just taken that money and paid six months rent on a little one-bedroom apartment in midtown and waited for Ebony to get out jail and come get the kids, because that's probably what's gonna end up happening anyway. 

I hate living here.  I hate not having a home.  I hate that you did what you did.  I hate that I feel the way I do.  Just know that you're not the only one who feels like she's in prison.


By the way, this is probably the best life your children have ever known and you, nor Ebony, will ever know, or truly appreciate that - and that makes me mad too.