Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Short update

Well, they finally moved Shelby out of jail in LA and into the Central California Women's Facility.  I don't know if this is where she'll be serving the remainder of her sentence or if they'll move her again.  Based on the last phone conversation, it sounded like this might be a temporary spot for sorting people out and determining where they will go - based on their crimes and sentences and so forth.

Ebony was also moved.  We originally thought he'd be serving his time in the detention center but word has it that he was able to negotiate that he be moved to a prison instead of having to stay in the detention center - which is worse than prison.   I think Ebony was moved two weeks ago.  It looks like Shelby was moved yesterday.

They don't let them take much of their stuff with them when they transfer, so Shelby mailed me all of the photos I had sent her along with a few others, and asked that I send them back to her once she has a permanent address.  In the photos was one I hadn't seen.  It was a photo of her at the hospital, right after she had Emma.

She's looking a little rough, but at least somebody took this picture and she has a photo with her baby.

Another thing happened today.  The guardianship papers went through and the court granted us the legal guardians of the children.  This will allow many things to happen now (insurance for one) and it will also serve as protection in case Ebony and/or Shelby get out and want to just come snatch up the kids.  There will need to be a process they have to go through and reintegrate themselves back into their children's lives.  They need to prove themselves responsible adults - they work and can provide a stable household for their children and are up to no shenanigans.

So, that's where things are now.  I'm currently looking for an activity to get Ellie involved in - soccer or some sort of sports. He's a good runner, maybe something like track.  I'm also looking for something for Emma - like infant aquatics.  It'll be useful for us both.

That's about all for now.  I'm still trying to find a job and looking for a place to live in the city.  Mike and I will share custody of the kids, like a normal divorced couple with kids.  It's just not working out here.  The kids will be fine.

Everything will be okay.  Eventually.

Oh, by the way, check out the tool kit Sesame Street has for children with incarcerated parents:

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

He signed the papers

The notary met with Shelby and Ebony yesterday and they both signed the guardianship papers.  Mike will file them with the Walton County Court tomorrow.  Basically it gives us custody of both of the kids and neither of them can just come get them when released.  There will be a plan of transition - one that shows they are acting as responsible people and parents, working, secure and stable place to live and so forth.  It's a huge relief.  The worst thing that could happen is that the kids get put back into and exposed to the lifestyle they had prior to all of this.

I spoke to Shelby tonight.  She feels relieved that Ebony signed the papers as well.  Ebony called me yesterday, after the notary had left the jail, and had all kinds of questions and still had somewhat of a tone like "I don't want y'all stealing my kids."  I'm pretty sure I raised my voice to him and just unloaded pretty much everything I wrote in my last blog, Dear Shelby.  I think that provided him with some relief.

Mike and I got into it a little bit today.  He now too knows exactly how I feel about everything - and how unhappy I am living here.  He seems to have had a memory lapse and doesn't remember all of the conversations prior to today's.  He was somewhat conciliatory, and said he will eventually help me find another place to live.  While I'm unhappy, I wouldn't do anything to cause great stress on Ellie's or Emma's life.  I will eventually find another place to live - preferably a two-bedroom that will allow me to take the kids at times and Mike to take the kids - kinda like a divorced couple with kids.  This would be their primary residence though.  I'm good with that, because they have awesome rooms I designed. ;)  Mike is learning the ins and outs of parenting too.  I still see myself as probably taking more of the lead in Emma's care than Ellie's, but as she gets older, he'll feel more confident in handling her.

Friday, January 3, 2014

Dear Shelby

I'm really mad at you right now.  I've not said it out right until now, but right now, I just really hate every decision you've made, how your actions have changed so many lives and how selfish you still behave.

I hate my life right now.  I closed on my condo last week.  I got a check for $3,000 - more than what I was thinking I was going to get so I was thinking about taking a short getwaway or something - something to clear my head and hopefully get me motivated to this new life I've somewhat agreed to living.  But no, it didn't work out that way.  Instead, I'm having to use the money to pay for a well to be repaired in my ex-husband's house, so we can have some sort of water pressure.  It's already odd enough that I hate living in a house that is no longer mine - nor will I ever consider it to be mine again; living with a man upstairs I was once married to, but for many reasons did not work out - and he has not changed a single bit, and in lots of cases has just become more and more self-involved (even to the point of not properly caring the upkeep on his own residence - which has now become my problem); the weirdness of being together in situations with him - all of that - it's not even like we're friends - we're not.  It's so fucking uncomfortable.  I hate it.  I hate that I hate it and I hate that I can't just accept it and "try to make the best of it" as people have told me.  I wish I could've just taken that money and paid six months rent on a little one-bedroom apartment in midtown and waited for Ebony to get out jail and come get the kids, because that's probably what's gonna end up happening anyway. 

I hate living here.  I hate not having a home.  I hate that you did what you did.  I hate that I feel the way I do.  Just know that you're not the only one who feels like she's in prison.


By the way, this is probably the best life your children have ever known and you, nor Ebony, will ever know, or truly appreciate that - and that makes me mad too.

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Missing my life

Even though I truly love Ellie and Emma, I so miss my life.  I miss living in Midtown.  I miss doing what I wanted when I wanted to do it (as in not having someone dependent on me).  I miss my crazy-ass relationship with Jay and our fun Saturdays.  I miss my friends and walking to Piedmont park whenever I wanted.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful for Mike and his generosity and having us live here, but I still miss all that.  But it is nice not having to pay rent.  It's nice having all the cable channels I don't even have time to watch.  It's nice to sit and watch two beautiful children grow and crack up at all of the funny things Ellie says and does.

I'm slowly getting my things put in place and trying to make this apartment my temporary home, but it's still sad at times.

Things I'm happy about:
1. Watching/hearing how Emma stops crying when she hears my voice because right now I'm the most important person in the world to her.
2.  Taking care of Emma and watching her grow.  She has just started smiling on her own and it's a damn cute smile.
3.  Watching Ellie and laughing at how funny he his.
4.  Ellie's hair (altho I am going to get it trimmed very soon - a good friend made a really cool suggestion for it and I think it might work).
5.  Being with all of my pets again
6. Not having to pay regular monthly bills (mortgage/rent, utilities, cable, internet)

Things I truly miss:
1.  My independence
2.  Jay
3.  My friends
4.  The city
5.  Getting anywhere ITP in about 20 minutes

Well, I know I'm behind in my blogging, but thought I'd post this short one.  Heading to Knoxville tomorrow to finish Christmas with Shane and his kids.  We'll be back Sunday.


Tuesday, December 17, 2013

One Day

One Day

One day I will learn I'm worth more than my daily self doubts
One day I will learn that I'm loved as much as I love
One day I will learn that my personality covers the majority of my cellulite
One day I will realize I mean more to others than they tell me
One day I will truly believe it
One day I will discover that I've actually made a positive difference in somebody's life
One day I will feel completely fulfilled
One day I will feel consumed by love and cherished by the person I'm in complete and total love with
One day I will not be jealous because I will realize that I am enough
One day I will stop living for the future and absorb the bliss that is today
One day I will love myself as much as I love the world and those in it
One day I will accept that today has to be that day, and I will be happy