Thursday, October 1, 2009

Today totally blew!

Today has been one of those days where everything seems to go wrong and I end up going a bit crazy because I don't seem to be getting enough oxygen to my brain. Seriously.

I don't know how I'm ever gonna be able to sit back and enjoy life when I keep thinking things should be one way and they're not. I know this sounds absurd and is probably an indication I should be locked in the looney bin, but nonetheless, it's real. Now, note the difference here, I do know there are things I cannot control - that's not my problem. My problem is still wanting them and/or outcomes to be different - this is where the insanity comes into play. So, basically, I cognitively know what my problem is and my limitations but I still get mad anyway. WTF?!

I think the office I work in is contributing to my insanity. First of all, we have no windows to look out of - we're basically dropped into the middle of an art gallery. Now, I like the gallery and the space itself, but it's just not a healthy and pleasant working environment. The gallery changes exhibits every few months and each time they have to do major construction (moving walls, hanging things, etc) and since we're placed in the middle of the gallery, we hear every bit of it, like it's right next door....oh, wait, it is next door. Clients on the phone can hear it too - it's very frustrating. But, a new exhibit is in place and we should be construction free for several more weeks.

Secondly, being a nonprofit totally sucks sometimes. Like most nonprofits, we're always looking for much needed resources (human and fiscal). Our computers are old and we have to piece things together and then things break. It's so inefficient to try and work on old technology. You'd think that with us being a media arts organization, we'd have new technology - Au Contraire, Mon Frere! Today was one of those maddening technology days.

So, tonight I'm gonna try something new - belly dancing. I joined a meetup group and tonight is belly dancing for women. It's only $6 - so I thought I'd give it a shot. I've always liked watching belly dancers and wished I could do it - which IS something in my control. It starts at 7:15pm so I better get scootin'.

Later y'all.

4 comments:

The Wardells said...

Sorry you're going through this. I think it's something in the water because I've been really unpleasant all week myself - to Gabe, my co-workers, the cats. Nothing seemed to go right. So vent away!

Hang in there and have fun at belly-dancing!

Paula said...

Thanks, Trin. It makes me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one. I was seriously starting to think I needed heavy medication or something (which still might be the case). ;)

Leslie Wardell said...

Paula,
I have often been in that dark place where you feel so all alone and helpless.
I worked in a restaurant in a dept.store in a mall. There were no windows anywhere. I also was dealing with a mutiny of sorts with my waitstaff. It was also around the time Primo started having problems, and well, you know Barry.
Depressing ??? I always felt like it was raining outside.
My friend Diane insisted on having a window in her office on
her past job because she suffers from SAD but that didn't end well.
We are in differnt places in our lives, but I understand your angst.
I wish I had a punching bag or could run like I use to run run run when I was upset but that was another lifetime, yours..get the seratonin going.....Depression is anger turned inward..at least you recognize the anger...

Paula said...

Thanks for the comment, Leslie. Your posts are always so thoughtful.