I don't really know where to begin this blog, so I'll just start in the middle. As I was walking this morning, I was thinking about my life and all of the changes that have happened over the past year or two. There really have been a lot--my mother-in-law passed away, my daughter left home, my son had a daughter (then moved in and just recently moved out), I finished my MBA, started a new career, moved away from my home and husband into Atlanta (closer to my job), met a lot of new people and developed new friendships. That's just a rough synopsis - but still quite a bit of stuff.
My natural inclination is to want to be in control, Type A personality I guess. I get depressed time and again because things don't work out the way I think they should or want them to--even when I know it's probably for the best. I try to turn to the great thinkers like Nietzsche, Camus and other Existentialists I fell in love with in college. Reading them helped me through many a tough times and lonely nights. Melissa Etheridge also came through for me with her great lyrics. I'm still going through some pretty major changes in my life.....which I might mention in a future blog, but I'm at that very difficult stage where the letting go needs to happen....and it's just so damn hard.
In college, I studied some eastern religions and was really attracted to Hinduism--not so much its religious tenets (ie: reincarnation, Brahman, pantheism), but the path to enlightenment was very attractive. Besides the Upanishads, the Bhagavad Gita was by far my favorite Hindu text. It read like a story (even though one must read it many times to decipher all of the meanings--and maybe also have a supplemental reader nearby). To be overly simplistic, the main piece of advice to reach enlightenment was through detachment--from the material world. Basically, it's the letting go--of everything--that will allow one to transcend into the higher realm of existence. But, the letting go is the hardest part. That's where I am right now (not on my way to enlightenment, just along my life path).
I'm able to see many things and have managed to push myself far enough away to draw somewhat objective opinions of things and situations--certain outcomes with various people in my life. Now I'm just stuck at that letting go phase. I need to let go but it's the hardest part. I know it'll come, but until then, I'm just kind of stuck--right in the middle, and it's not any fun. Anyway, to wrap this little story, I'll close with some Melissa Etheridge. She (and Krishna) have helped me through times like this before, so I'm counting on them again. (BTW, my philosophy professor would probably have a shit fit for me assigning equal therapeutic weight to Melissa Etheridge and the Gita--so it's our little secret.)
Weakness In Me
Stronger Than Me
The Letting Go (I don't like the video, but there weren't very many choices)