Monday, December 31, 2007

Cha, cha, cha, Chaaanges.......

So, I haven't made any new-year resolutions for the past several years.  I used to make them but then I always broke them, so instead of setting myself up for failure, I just stopped making them.  I think this year might be different, though.  I've been thinking about everything that has happened in my life over this past year: my mother-in-law passed away; Brianna was born [I became a (pronounced with a whisper) grandparent]; pets died; Shelby ran away and converted to Islam; I graduated from MBA school; started a new career in a new industry; started living in Atlanta during the week; made new friend/relationships; my son, his girlfriend and Brianna moved into my house; found old friends and I've traveled.  That's a lot to happen in a year.

Overall, I think there has been a lot of positive things happen this year.  Unfortunately, I have a bad habit of paying closer attention to the negative rather than the positive.  In a previous blog, I wrote about my propensity to have feelings of depression and not be happy.  While I do think biology plays a significant role in that, I also want to believe will power can trump it.  So, one of my new-year resolutions is to try and look for the positive in things, people and situations.  Now, I'm not gonna deny my natural inclination to look at the negative (because I think it's important to be able to see things fully), but once I evaluate the negative side, I am going to make a real effort to look at the positive, with equal weight and gravity.

It seems the older I get, the less tolerant I become: I'd like to change that.  I'd like to become more patient with people.  I get easily annoyed and can turn into a bitch in a second, but I'm going to make a conscious effort to be more patient with people.  I have a strong personality and get frustrated with people who do not immediately see things the same way I do… it wrong or right.  I will admit when I'm wrong and I think I am pretty good at self-evaluation, but people usually have to uncomfortably suffer some pain until I realize that I was wrong and/or just being a complete bitch.

I am going to make an effort at being more compassionate—to try and appreciate different personality types.  Now, that doesn't mean that I am going to allow people to take advantage of me, nor does it mean that I will not voice my opinion, but I will try to understand the opinions of others more, and ask myself what kind of value I can get from listening to them or allowing them to proceed without a fight.  Yes, I am a fighter (not physically—just mentally and verbally).  I know, hard to imagine, uh? ;-)

I am also going to try to be nicer.  I think that if I can practice tolerance and increase my patience and compassion with others, the niceness will naturally follow.

Last, but certainly not least, I am going to focus on my health/fitness lifestyle.  I've vowed to lose 30 pounds by April 1st, and I've lost about five pounds so far.  I'm going to continue exercising in hopes of achieving that objective, but I'm going to try and change my thinking from just "I want to look good naked" to "I want to look good naked and feel good about good who I am—mentally and physically."  Even if I do lose the 30 pounds by April 1st, I still won't be at my ideal body weight.  By this time next year, I'd like to be at my ideal body weight for at least a few months and feel good about all of the hard work I've done.  I know I can do it.  I just need to apply the perseverance and tenacity I have for my other passions to mental and physical fitness as well.  I need to make health and fitness a passion.

So, this next year, I'm working on me—inside and out.  I know I can look the way I want to look and I know I can treat people the way I want to treat to them……I WANT to be nice, tolerant and compassionate (but not stupid and/nor taken advantage of) and look HOT while doing it.  I have to admit that I am afraid people will mistake kindness for weakness and I also don't want to feel like I am exchanging one for the other, so it will be a difficult transition, but I am going to work on it.  For my family, friends and loved ones—please bear with me.  Please help me.  If I am being intolerant or rude, please tell me so—but please tell me in a kind way.  And please don't use this self-profession of inadequacies against me.  I need you, your patience, your confidence and your smiles.  Your smiles will help me smile—which I need to do more of.

"Life without passion is unforgivable." ~ Sean John

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