Goin' back to rehab

Just got off of the phone with mom.  She left neuro rehab and went home on Tuesday but had another fall last night and today, and is now returning to rehab.  She apparently cut herself pretty badly in the fall.  She's very upset and her spirit seems broken, because she feels so weak - like she's never going to be able to regain her independence.  She was crying on the phone.  I felt the loneliness, fear and sense of loss (in herself) in her voice.  I was trying to be as compassionate as possible, reassuring her that's it's okay to return to rehab - that I understood how much she wanted to be ready to go home and it's very disappointing learning that you're not.  I almost had her laughing about how stubborn we both are by the end of the call.  Guess I'll be heading back to Knoxville today.  Even though I can't really do anything, I suppose providing moral support and companionship is as important as taking the right medication.

Oh, mom...

The Perfect Shitstorm

Wait for it, it's all coming...but for now, here's a preview (or review from the rearview):

1. My daughter (Shelby) is arrested and in jail in LA (CA), along with baby daddy (Ebony), charged for attempted murder and burglary.  Her baby, Ellie, is in foster care and I (and my ex husband, Mike) am currently trying to get custody, but the bureaucracy in California blows chunks.  Story is though; she, Ebony and Ellie were coming out of the library when Shelby's ex boyfriend (George) approached and started an altercation with Ebony.  Fighting ensued, Shelby pulled knife from her purse and began stabbing George to defend Ebony.  Both were arrested, George was hospitalized, and Ellie placed in protective custody.  Ebony and Shelby have both signed parental rights over to us, but there is an obnoxious "process" that must first be completed before we get Ellie.  We have to be investigated, house and individually - to make sure the kid won't be going to a thug-like household.  Oh, and found out Shelby is preggers - with a baby girl - due November 22nd.  So, we'll be acquiring two kiddos in about a month.
2. Having to short-sale my condo and move back to Monroe, with Mike.  I'll be moving into the basement apartment, but I've been preparing the rooms for the kids.  That also means I'll be leaving the city - which is breaking my heart.  It really, really hurts.  However, I am glad that Mike is accepting and willing to take us in and become a parent, for his step grandkids.  He's a good guy.
3. My mom finally got moved to neuro rehab about three weeks ago, but she's itching to regain her independence so much so that she's pretty-much scheming her way out and plans on signing herself out of rehab tomorrow to return to her apartment.  She has lost most control of her right arm and with each seizure, that moves into the loss of her right leg.  She's very stubborn (glad it skipped a generation) and refuses to let her body take the time it needs to heal.
4. As I was on my way to Mike's about two weeks ago, to start working on Ellie's room, a woman turned left on Ponce/Scott and ran into me, forcing me to crash my car.  I ran over the curb, a street sign (pulled it out of the ground), and I've been in a rental car for about two weeks now.
5. Jay and I broke up.  It's been a long time coming.  We both love and care for each other very much and have a great time together, but it's just not in the cards for us.  I don't regret our time together and I'll always cherish our time together - the crazy ups and downs (which were aplenty).  We've had many breakups and get-back-togethers, but this is the final one.  I wish him well and hope he finds happiness.  His family is near and dear to my heart and I hope to stay in their lives.  They are good people - he comes from good stock.  I also hope to stay in touch with and see Ben when he visits.  He's a smart one, not to mention a little cutie.  Sometimes I think it's the collateral damage that makes the cut hurt the most.

So, that's the outline for the next several blogs to come.  But, finally, I wrote it down.  One thing that will be therapeutic is my return to writing.  That will help me get through all of this right now, and the future.  So, changes, they are a coming.  Stay tuned.

Here are some photos of happenings.


Ellie's room (formerly Shelby's room) is coming along.  He'll be five November 30th.

Shelby and Ellie when we went to the Grand Canyon earlier this year.

 Slowly getting the nursrey pulled together.  This room used to be my office at Mike's.

My Condo:

Mike's house in Monroe, GA (which is about halfway between Atlanta and Athens - but closer to Athens):

Mom:

 Finally leaving the hospital on the way to rehab.

Her TV in the rehab place.  It fell off the bracket and was being propped up on the bedside table so she could watch it.  Her initial roommate was named Mildred, but mom kept calling her Evelyn.  I don't think either one of them cared much about the error.








My car:

Jay:

Jay's grandmother's (Lurline) 100'th birthday celebration at the Braves - she's a huge fan.

Guns – The Ultimate Problem Solver

I try not to get into political debates or really share my political views on Facebook, mainly because I have to work with everybody and I don’t want my or their political viewpoints to compromise our personal and/or professional relationships in any way. However, I do have pretty strong opinions and try to stay abreast of current affairs. I haven’t written anything similar to this blog in quite some time, not out lack of anything to express, but just a general sense of laziness. However, I truly love to write and have been itching to write something – but wanted to make it something substantive. The recently proposed gun control legislation and 2nd Amendment arguments have really gotten me motivated and provided me with the opportunity for which I’ve been searching. I’m doing so on my blog, so people can opt in to read it, as opposed to laying it all out on Facebook for all my friends (real and virtual) to see in their various news feeds.

I’ve spent some time trying to think of the most logical way to construct my thoughts and arguments, so the one reader of this blog isn’t confused by my normal circular reasoning or back and forth positions. I hope I’ve done somewhat of a successful job with that, but you can be the judge of that. I do encourage you to express your thoughts and opinions, even and especially, if they are in direct conflict with mine.

I.  The Constant: The 2nd Amendment of the Constitution and a brief, somewhat over simplification of Supreme Court's interpretation of it.

For those who are unfamiliar with the exact wording or construction of the amendment, here is original Amendment crafted by the Founders (note that it is a single sentence):

"A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people  to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed."

I believe the Founders purposely wrote the Constitution in a broad manner, considering it as a "living document" (a document written with the intent to change with the times).  Many people (mostly the political right, are Strict Constructionists and believe it the duty of the Supreme Court to maintain the original, language and intent of the document as it was originally written.  The Supreme Court has decided in two landmark cases that provided the People with a more concrete definition of how this amendment is to be interpreted.

In 2008, the Court heard District of Columbia v. Heller.  In a 5-4 ruling, Court held that the Second Amendment protects the right to keep and bear arms for the purpose of self-defense and struck down a District of Columbia law that banned the possession of handguns in the home.  Justice Antonin Scalia delivered the decision and noted that "[the Second Amendment is naturally divided into two parts: its prefatory clause and its operative clause. The former does not limit the latter grammatically, but rather announces a purpose. The Amendment could be rephrased, “Because a well regulated Militia is necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms shall not be infringed.”  As Scalia wrote in the decision, the ruling protects an individual right to possess a firearm unconnected with service in a militia, and to use that arm for traditionally lawful purposes, such as self-defense within the home." That opinion makes gun control laws much more difficult to enact without being struck down as unconstitutional.

Then in 2010, the Supreme Court agreed to hear McDonald v Chicago.  The Court upheld the 2008 Heller case and Justice Alito delivered the opinion of the Court "...concluding that the Fourteenth Amendment incorporates the Second Amendment right, recognized in Heller, to keep and bear arms for the purpose of self- defense...."

II.  The People's Argument, or How the Court of Popular Opinion interprets the 2nd Amendment:

The 2nd Amendment provides me the right to own a gun.  Any kind of restriction, limitation or regulation against me owning a gun violates my Constitutional Right as an American and is just plain wrong.

III.  The question(s) I posed to a couple of friends and most of my family (mostly good-ol-boys, gun love'n, and a huntin' type of crew) in response of President Obama's proposed legislation that includes 23 executive actions, toughening the enforcement of existing gun laws:

"Omg. Family, really, WTF is up with y'all being so damn worried about losing your right to own guns. Read the proposed legislation - it says nothing about banning guns from you, we'll, the felon side of the family, but not everybody else. Really, do you need an automatic for hunting? You couldn't eat the meat for all the shrapnel. Honestly, the proposed gun regulations would not affect you in one iota, except maybe a background a check - but would you want others' backgrounds to be checked? Why fight against something that in no way changes your life with guns as it currently is?

The feedback I received will most likely equal the same number of people to read this blog - zero.  However, in case I'm wrong, please weigh in and share your side.  I truly do not understand the opposition's side and reaction to the proposed legislation, as it in no way violates a sane, mentally stable individual's right to own a gun.

Yay!  I wrote something again, and it felt good.


*****Update***** (2/15/2013)

Just wanted to share this awesome Freakonomics podcast that was posted yesterday: http://www.freakonomics.com/2013/02/14/how-to-think-about-guns-a-new-freakonomics-radio-podcast/

Busy and Tired...

Feeling very frustrated today. I've been trying to find ways to constructively rid myself of the frustration, but it's come down to just writing - which is probably the best way anyway.

I'm my own worst enemy. I know this - have known it for years. If there's a bad decision to be made, you can pretty much bet on the fact that I'll make it. Then, when I feel overwhelmed, frustrated, tired, taken for granted and advantage of, I have nobody to blame but myself, which then just makes me more frustrated. It's a toxic cycle and I know it. My biggest problem is actually taking the steps to stop behaviors and habits, breaking the cycle. It's so easy to keep things as they are, even if they are unhealthy and not in your (my) best interest. Changing things for the positive, learning to not let people take advantage of me, take me for granted, live, eat and breathe healthier is tough. It's a lot of work - and to be honest, most days I'm not up for it.

I need to start practicing the word NO more often, then use it. Then not feel bad for using it. I need to surround myself with people who are good for me, absolutely want to be with me, want the best things for me and don't really want anything from me. One of the problems is that I'm a giver - always have been. I don't know how to not give - except to myself. I need to start giving myself more of what it good for me. I'm in bad habits with myself.

Ugh......back to it. I know this too shall pass, and brighter days will avail, but it's all just very tiring and gloomy right now.

Lester Burnham is my alter ego

So, I'm at that point in my life (again) that I kind of need to re-invent myself.  Translated, that means it's time to get a "real" job again.  I've been doing event planning and consulting and whatever other projects my business partner and I can manage to serve up.  But he's now got a full-time job, another beautiful child, and a family - so our projects sometimes become (understandably) overwhelming for him to manage in addition to everything else.  I believe we will continue to do a few staple projects (mainly the 48 Hour Film Project) together, but it's time for me to find something in addition to those.  The problem is, I don't know what I want to do.

I do know, I feel a lot like this:



My background is in management, marketing, etc. but I don't really feel much into that either. I have a great education, and am pretty business savvy, but I often feel like an interview with me might go something like Lester Burnham's interview at Mr. Smiley's from American Beauty:



Once, when my daughter (Shelby) was around seven or eight, we went to First Night Atlanta - the big New Year's Eve party Atlanta hosts every year.  We were in the "family" section part of the giant street party since they had huge blowup bouncy things, face painting and other stuff kids seem to enjoy.  Well, needless to say, the place was packed with people.  The lines for the jumpy things and face painting were extremely long.  We walked from one attraction to another hoping to find shorter lines, so she might get to partake in some of the New Year's Eve excitement of the event I had been building up inside her for days.  (Sometimes, kids would prefer to do absolutely nothing so events and outings take work - creating anticipation, mystery and the want to go.)  Well, after walking around for about an hour, Shelby immediately halted, made a huge right-foot stomp to the ground, raised both hands and shouted, "I WANT TO DO SOMETHING FUN, RIGHT NOW!"

I knew just how she felt.  I feel that way a lot.  Often times, I think back about how things were going to be different when I grew up.  I was going to do fun things - all the time!  But, we all learn soon enough that most of the time, living isn't as fun as we once thought - or making a living isn't as fun, rather.  When I went into the film industry, I thought that I was finally getting that job that was going to make earning a living fun.  I do admit, the events, movies, meeting people are fun, but planning and managing events are often like herding cats.  It gets exhausting.  Finding sponsors (asking people and companies for money and free product) is exhausting and deflating because, more often than not, you get turned down, or rejected.  Feeling rejected is not fun - even if it's "just business."  It is, however, the most "fun" industry in which I've worked.

So, I guess I should close this for now.  I wanted to write though because I kinda feel like I've lost my mojo and writing has always helped me get it back a little, probably because expressing myself helps me to get back on a track, old or new.  I used to write often and always got great feedback.  I loved writing funny stuff and hearing how much people enjoyed it. Maybe I'll start trying to do a bit more of that.  Well, this was fun - and, I didn't even have to wait in any lines.