Paula's After Thoughts

Mom's Cancer

2012-01-27T12:58:00.005-05:00

I spoke to my mom on Wednesday and found out more about the lung cancer. It's Stage 3BT4 (you can follow exactly what that is here). It's basically advanced lung cancer with tumors. Here's a breakdown of her specific type:

Definition of Stage 3B Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer

Stage 3B lung cancer is defined as a tumor of any size that has spread to distant lymph nodes, has invaded other structures in the chest (such as the heart or esophagus), or has a malignant pleural effusion (fluid build-up containing cancer cells between the layers lining the lungs).

T4 – The tumor is any size, but is located in the airway, or has invaded local structures such as the heart, or the esophagus. A tumor is also considered T4 if cancer cells are present in the space between the layers lining the lungs (malignant pleural effusion).

I spoke with her on the phone last night and she started coughing. I was immediately reminded of Laura and listening to her cough after being diagnosed, and subsequently watching her die. Mom will meet with her oncologist on Tuesday (I'm planning to be there too) to find out specific treatment options and what he recommends. Based on the online article, her life expectancy - with treatment - is about 13 months. Based on listening to my mom cough, listening to her describe what her x-rays looked like and everything else, I suspect 13 months is a long-shot. I know that probably sounds morbid, and I hope I'm wrong, but I do have really good gut instincts. I will do my best to halt my prognostications until after meeting with the doctor on Tuesday, though. Ugh. This blows.

While I know people can and have developed lung cancer without ever smoking - my mom has smoked for many years. Her lung cancer is a result of smoking. People, please quit smoking.

Here are some links:
American Cancer Society
American Lung Association - Tips on quitting smoking

Oh, by the way, my divorce was finalized on Wednesday too. It's sad (because no one enters into a marriage hoping it will end), but it's something that has needed to be done for a long time. We split in 2007 - so it's been quite a while. We've remained kind and cordial to each other and suspect we will remain so.

Cancer Blows

2012-01-16T23:48:00.003-05:00

So my mom called me tonight and told me that her lung biopsy came back positive for cancer. More tests have to be done before a form of treatment is decided upon, but it just fucking blows. I cared for my ex-mother-in-law when she was diagnosed with lung cancer and it was such a cruel and horrible death. No one should have do die like that - it's like a form a murder. Basically she drowned on her on her blood - watching it was horrible and painful.

This coming April 1st, I will celebrate my 10-year anniversary from quitting smoking. I'm glad I quit and I can feel the health benefits from doing so, but I do still miss it. It's so addicting and I found so many reasons not to quit, and also tried to quit many times, before actually doing so. I wish everyone I know would quit smoking. There's still no absolute that I, nor others I know, won't get lung cancer, but I do know my chances of getting it has been reduced tremendously. What I am glad for, is that by reducing my chances of getting lung cancer, I have lessened the burden on family members that would need to take care of me.

Anyway, I'm sure there'll be more to talk about on this.......

In the meantime, instead of buying that next pack of cigarettes, buy a pack of patches.

Paperwork!

2012-01-08T18:12:00.002-05:00

So.......one day I'll find love that'll want to be with me no matter where I am, nor what time it is. Until then, I'll be filling out 39 pages of fucking divorce papers (which, in my opinion is enough to keep someone married). Court date is set for the 25th, by the way.......

Cha, Cha, Cha, Changes..........

2011-12-08T23:35:00.003-05:00

So many different things going on in my life......sometimes it's hard to keep up. Here are two:

Physical

Peri-menopause - basically turning crazy (err, crazier - especially at times when it's completely inconvenient). So, for about a year now, I've been experiencing peri-menopausal sysmptoms: mood swings, weight gain, night sweats, insomnia, depression, anxiety, foggy brain (more than regular) and short-term memory loss. It's been a real blast for me and everyone involved with me (that's sarcasm). There have been two really bad instances when all of the symptoms happen at once - about six or seven months ago and then also for about the last two weeks. It totally blows. All of this is about five years earlier than the average, but nonetheless, it's happening. I found a blog the other day (http://www.theperimenopauseblog.com/) that's helped me believe I'm not completely crazy, but it's still very difficult to deal with - especially since I'm pretty much a control freak and I can't control anything that's happening inside me.

Emotional

Divorce - even though we've been separated since 2007, my divorce is being finalized. We've been very nice to each other during the entire separation and it's something that needs to be done (and should've been done awhile back), it's finally coming to fruition. It's not a fun process and with the hormonal thing going on, it's not been something I've been dealing with very well. I need to decide if I'm keeping his name (Martinez), or if I wanna change my last name - like to my maiden or birth name. I do know that since I've changed my last name (from Carter to Martinez) it's been harder to get job interviews. I guess potential employers think I might not be able to speak very good English and just move onto the next candidate.

I do have some amazing friends that have been there for me and try to help me with both of these. When I think about my life compared to others who are suffering, I know I'm really lucky and my problems pale in comparison.

I've got some funny stories I'd like to document and think everyone would find them funny, but I need either less or more wine to write them all out. Tonight, I just wanted to get something down as a start. I've written many blogs in my head, but getting them from there to here is a struggle I don't wanna take the time to make sometimes. I think they're worth writing and reading though - so I'll eventually get them out.

Until that time: Cheers!

Gabercise - Gabe's 40th Birthday Present

2011-07-11T08:43:00.001-05:00

Here's a book I created for Gabe on his 40th Birthday.

Happy 40th! by Paula Martinez | Make Your Own Book

Just some random daily thoughts

2011-06-13T21:22:00.003-05:00

I should probably get a real job, but I don't wanna. I honestly dunno if I could show up to a job at a certain time each morning - okay I know I couldn't (because I was always late, no matter where I worked). Now it just seems like it would be even more impossible. I'd so get fired from a nine-to-fiver. Plus, there's the whole "problem with my mouth thing" - can't seem to keep that damn thing shut for anything.

In the past year I lost 15 pounds but gained back five, so that's really only a loss of 10 pounds. (raised eyebrow unhappy, unimpressed smirk)

I have way too many clothes. Most of them are in really good condition but I'll never wear them (or they're now too big bc of the ginormous 10 pound weight loss), so I wanna get rid of them. I don't wanna give them away though - because I totally think somebody would buy them, at a consignment shop or eBay or something but I'm too fucking lazy to make all that shit happen. So, they just sit in my closet taking up space. I'll split the money with whomever takes them and sells them for me.

So, I have this friend, Ted, who lives in Birmingham who HATES it when I drop the "g" in my words - like sayin' or wantin'. I still do it but think of him every time I do. It makes me smile inside a little.

I'd really like to lose all of the fucking cellulite on my legs but apparently not enough to actually do the work it takes to make that happen. So, that pisses me off.

I probably don't watch enough TV to justify paying for cable but I do it anyway - mainly only for AMC (Breaking Bad, Mad Men, etc..). I should just get cable when those shows air but that would mean I'd have to call someone on the phone and order cable and then call and cancel it and then it's just a never-ending-fucking-cycle. It's just easier to pay for the shit.

I've started not putting my clothes away after I wash them. Seriously, what's up with that shit?! I'll fold them, then just put them on the chest or something and then ruffle through those to get dressed. WTF?!

Apparently I think moving something (like a glass or tissue) from the end table to the kitchen counter is productive, because it's one step closer to being in its home (like the dishwasher or trash).

I spend entirely too much time on Facebook and Twitter and checking my email. Really, what is it that I think is gonna (thinking of Ted) happen?! I look at that shit like it's seriously gonna (Ted) tell me when the Rapture is coming. Oh wait..... Okay, that was lame, but seriously - spend entirely too much time on there.

And, speaking of Facebook, I've been really upset with the Facebook iPhone app lately. It takes like a whole minute to load and crap! WTF?! Geez, I got other social media to check, ya know?!

I wonder if I'll ever be easy to deal with.

I'd like a refund (or just continue to forever defer my student-loan payments) because I don't feel like they've been put to good use and I think I'm getting kinda stupid. I think it should work in the opposite direction.

I'm probably too needy of others. I wish that weren't the case. Maybe it's because of the "raised as an only-child thing," but I think it's probably just because I'm fucked up in some way.

Wonder how many of my friends will read this. My blogs used to be personal, like this one, but then I tried to be professional and blog about the movie industry, since I was jumping careers. Going from personal to professional writing hurt me I think - expressively. I became so much more conscious of every word I wrote or who might read my writing. It really restricted my self expression. I remember being asked by a friend (while still writing in a personal manner) if I felt vulnerable, or like I was really putting myself out there - like someone could use it against me. Honestly I didn't - it was pretty liberating. Writing professionally restricted my creativity and expression. From now on, I'm just gonna write however I want.

I think two spaces after a period looks like a lot of wasted space. If you can't deal with all of the other grammatical problems and syntax, sorry - you'll eventually be able to.

Oh, and I wish someone would give me some WD-40 for my patio door because I can never remember to get it - even though I have to fight with my door lock every-fricken-day.

Happiness

2011-03-14T00:30:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I worry that my search for happiness overshadows truly happy moments in my life. I think one of my biggest fears is getting old and looking back on my life and realizing that I actually had a really good life and every reason to be happy but chose not to be, or convinced myself that I wasn't.

Hot for BLUE VALENTINE Part Deux

2011-01-11T20:49:00.011-05:00

Okay, so I saw BLUE VALENTINE. I have to say, the performances were fantastic. I do wish Michelle Williams' character was a bit more developed, but I think that's a script problem not an acting problem. It might not even be a "problem," but I do feel the film was lacking some in her character.

The film starts by just kind of dropping the audience into the lives of a troubled young family. There's plenty of bickering and blaming going around - she blames him for adding to her stress by behaving like a child (they have one kid - a daughter - she "doesn't need two") and he blames her for their lost dog - eventually found on the side of the road (not in a happy reunion kind of way). It's pretty obvious this is just a regular day of bickering, arguments and blaming - just so happens this is the day we enter their lives. The relationship takes a nose dive from there, but the audience is given a glimpse into how the couple met, fell in love, and ended up at this apex.

I have to say that I definitely felt the movie possessed a very male perspective - not that there's anything wrong with that. In fact, I think it's kind of interesting. REVOLUTIONARY ROAD was written and directed by men but had a very feminine feel to it, in my opinion. SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK was also written and directed by a male - but it's a much different kind of movie even though BLUE VALENTINE has been likened to it.

I've been thinking about the film and trying to come away with a major underlying theme - which I think would have to be Growth. At one point, early in the movie, Cindy (Michelle Willams) asks Dean (Ryan Gosling) about his hopes, dreams and aspirations. He admits to her that there was a time in his life when being a father and a husband was the furthest thing from his mind - and probably never wanted it - but now that's basically all he wants. He wants to put every thing he has into being a husband and a father. Cindy seems unsatisfied by his answer and questions him further but he doesn't budge. Dean is satisfied with his job and has no interest in changing it or striving for "more." It becomes quite obvious that Cindy has outgrown Dean.

The film is sprinkled with clips of the couples' past - when they met and fell in love. We're introduced to Dean during his struggle to get a job as a mover and fall in love with him when he carefully and thoughtfully sets up an elderly man's possessions as he's moved into a nursing home. We watch Dean study the man's photographs, war medals, and sentiments from his marriage of years past. We see how much Dean wants this man to maintain his sense of comfort, dignity and intact memories. The viewers observe Dean's sentimental side - his sweetness, empathy and compassion for others.

Similarly, we learn a little about Cindy. In college, we see her in a wheelchair, trying to "experience" the daily life of a paraplegic. She reads to her ailing and elderly grandmother in the nursing home (where she and Dean meet). We're also introduced to her boyfriend - a wrestler, who's bullheaded, domineering and controlling (not unlike her father). So, Dean, being soft, sweet and a romantic is able to sweep Cindy off her feet pretty easily. But one thing of note was how innately compassionate Dean was versus Cindy. It seemed compassion was more experiential with Cindy, she kinda had to work for it. I think this is the area in which I felt Cindy's character was lacking. Maybe it was intentional - maybe not.

I'm not going to delve deeper into the movie's details because I don't want to ruin anything if you plan on seeing it, but also because I'm pretty sure you get the idea of where the film is heading. I'd rather focus on the concept of growth. I really liked how we got to fall in love with Cindy and Dean falling in love but were also able to want more for each of them - individually and collectively.

When the couple met, Cindy had aspirations of being a doctor. Whether or not that would've happened if circumstances were different makes no difference. I think what matters is that we learn she is goal orientated - trying to better what she currently is/has. She's interested in evolving as a person. The whole idea of change is innate in her, whereas the idea of stability and sameness is innate to Dean. Dean was very happy to be living in the present and wanted to savor it - daily. So, how are these two personalities supposed to get along - Cindy wanting change and Dean wanting things to stay the same?

I once read one of those silly chain emails that got sent around with some funny sayings in it. One adage in particular struck my fancy: "Women marry men hoping that they'll change; men marry women hoping that they'll stay the same." I think this concept is one that many people are probably familiar with. A couple gets married, makes plans and then starts some daily routine that eventually turns into monthly routines and yearly routines. Because life itself can be generally stressful (bills, house/car maintenance, job woes, etc) a couple can easily grow apart - each trying to focus on surviving in his/her individual life, much less the couple life/marriage.

I've been sitting on this blog for about five days now. Since I don't feel like I have written anything of real substance, I thought about not posting it. But, I decided to post it anyway. I wish I could write something wise and revelatory about how to not grow apart in a relationship but I can't. People do grow apart, they do fall out of love, they change. Falling in love is amazing - it's wonderful and exciting and full of hope and promise. But then life happens and it's easy to lose sight of mutual hopes and dreams - sometimes they become less and less, or more individualized - as in the case with Cindy and Dean.

I know I've said it in a blog or two before, but I honestly don't think people are meant to mate for life, nor be monogamous - it's a social construct or norm that's been established and we conform with the social contracts. Don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning promiscuity or dangerous behaviors, I just think that sometimes social expectations are exaggerated and we set ourselves up to fail. For example, getting married because of pregnancy - does this really make sense? In my opinion, no. If the parents aren't truly committed to each other and serious about working on their relationship/family as much as their jobs, then it will fail and the child will have to suffer. I would much prefer to see a child visit both parents and have a calm and stable home life than have to live in a house with fighting. The kid just wants his/her parents to be happy - when they're happy, the kid is happy.

Regarding the monogamy part - I think we're human - we're animals and we possess instinctual behaviors. I do think it is possible to have a monogamous relationship. And, I think if you've reached an agreement with your partner to be monogamous, you should do everything in your power to try and live up to your end of the agreement. I also think some people are better at it than others - I don't know if this is biological or not, studies vary. But I do think it's somewhat unrealistic to think your partner will only want to have sex with you for the rest of his/her entire life. Opportunities will avail themselves - what you do with them is up to you. I can tell you right now that if Johnny Depp is willing, so am I - relationship or not! ;-)

Go see BLUE VALENTINE.

Hot for Blue Valentine

2011-01-06T00:08:00.006-05:00

I've been anticipating the release of BLUE VALENTINE since January 2010 - literally. I remember looking through the Sundance line-up, reading about each of the films and coming across little film starring Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling - BLUE VALENTINE. It hadn't received hardly any press but I was intrigued. I really respect both of them as actors and think they have a complete handle on their craft. Dan, the programmer from Atlanta Film Festival at the time, was heading to Sundance and I asked him to see it but he didn't get the opportunity.

A synopsis of the film (from Sundance):

Blue Valentine is an intimate, shattering portrait of a disintegrating marriage.

On the far side of a once-passionate romance, Cindy (Michelle Williams) and Dean (Ryan Gosling) are married with a young daughter. Hoping to save their marriage, they steal away to a theme hotel. We then encounter them years earlier, when they met and fell in love—full of life and hope.

Moving fluidly between these two time periods, Blue Valentine unfolds like a cinematic duet whose refrain asks, where did their love go? Framing the film as a mystery whose answer lies scattered in time (and in character), filmmaker Derek Cianfrance constructs an elegant set of dualities: past and present, youth and adulthood, vitality and entropy. The rigor of his process is visible throughout the film. Eliminating artificial devices, he has only the truth of the characters to work with. Because Gosling and Williams bring amazing intensity and emotional honesty to their roles, the experience of connecting to these two souls becomes truly moving.

I definitely don't expect the film to be a pick-me-up. But, because I've been anticipating the release of it for so long, Gabe (my business partner) thinks the film might not live up to my expectations - anticipation is better than realization, per se. I've thought about this many times and have wondered the same thing myself. But, since I'm not expecting it to be a particularly happy film, I'm thinking that it might meet expectations.

Gabe and I had a discussion about the film's topic - relationships - and I actually like films that tend to portray more of what I consider "normal" (married) couple behavior. I think it's perfectly natural to fight, hate, love, fuck, make love, withhold/deny sex, create hope from nothing and so forth in a relationship. All of these are human elements to me - as long as they are controlled by passion. If those things are done for other reasons, like maybe to control the other person or the direction in which one thinks the relationship should be going, then that's a completely different ball game. Films that don't show the human elements are just Hollywood fluff in my opinion. I think it's rare to find a couple still in love after 35, 45, 50 years of marriage. I'm not saying that it doesn't happen, nor am I saying that the couples don't care for each other - but I think the normal progression of things create tolerance, which leads to routine, which leads to habit - which most very old couples are in - they are in habit with each other, caring for and living with their life partners. (A lot of younger relationships are also in habit with each other, without going through the other steps - or speeding through them - but that's usually a different situation).

I love movies that illustrate these human elements. They don't always have to show the bad things - but not showing the tough times devalues the really good times, in my opinion. Gabe said he thinks a relationship's strength can be based on how well one, or both, people are at resolving conflict. I think he's probably right. But, a lot of times, at some point, the basis of conflict can no longer be resolved and that's when the relationship starts to break down - be it over sex, money, time, attention, expectations, whatever. Sometimes there comes a point where conflict cannot be resolved - and that's when marriages/relationships end. That's always such a difficult and harrowing time. A great example of this was the movie REVOLUTIONARY ROAD (one of my top 10 movies of the last 10 years). My take on REVOLUTIONARY ROAD can be found here.

So, I'm still very much anticipating BLUE VALENTINE's opening in Atlanta on Friday. I do think I'm open-minded enough to be objective about the movie and admit if I didn't like it, or it didn't meet my expectations. I don't exactly know the purpose of this blog, but just suffice it to say that I'm a fan of the human condition - be it in pain or pleasure, for how can you experience one without the other. So, that said, bring it on Weinstein Co.

So, until Friday............

For now, I leave you with the trailer for BLUE VALENTINE

International Film Festival Summit

2010-12-19T23:26:00.004-05:00

Earlier this month Gabe and I attended the International Film Festival Summit. While we were there, Gabe partook in a podcast with the Filmmakers Notebook. He did a great job. Take a listen.

One thing we also did this year at the summit was organize a sponsorship roundtable. Here is an article from the Examiner that covers the roundtable with Janet Tiller, from Kodak. We've worked with Janet for the past several years and it was wonderful to be able to bring her to the summit and talk directly to other festivals.

New Gigs

2010-11-21T21:31:00.006-05:00

Since leaving the Atlanta Film Festival in July, Gabe Wardell (former Executive Director of Atlanta Film Festival) and I have started our own business.

At Indie Memphis Film Festival Oct 2010

We formed an LLC (StickyToePads) to use as the umbrella for the various projects in which we will be involved - but there's mainly two branches: 1) Atlanta Film Forum and 2) Consulting/Event Planning & Management. Some people have been a bit confused, so the structure looks like this:

StickyToePads, A Limited Liability Company

Atlanta Film Forum

DecaturDocs (www.DecaturDocs.com) - a documentary film series that screens in Decatur, Georgia. We had our kickoff screening, a teaser really, last night and it went very well. We're pleased with attendance and everyone seemed to truly enjoy the movie. The first official series will begin in January. Each series will have four screenings - making 12 in total for the year. The series is subscription based, but individual screening tickets can be purchased at a premium price. We're very excited about the prospects and have already been in contact with many documentary filmmakers who are interested in screening their film with us.
48 Hour Film Project Atlanta (http://www.48hourfilm.com/atlanta/) - an annual timed filmmaking competition where a team of filmmakers must write, shoot, edit and render a short film (4 - 7 minutes) within 48 hours. All the teams are given constraints such as a character, a line of dialog, a prop and so forth in order to authenticate the film. All of the elements must be present in the film and the film must be completed within the allotted 48-hour time frame to qualify for the competition section.
Special Screenings - this can vary depending on what all's going on in the film world. For example, we did a four-film weekly screening series a couple months ago in honor of Elia Kazan and had the Atlanta premiere of Martin Scorsese' personal documentary tribute to Kazan - A LETTER TO ELIA. We're currently exploring some screening opportunities so stay tuned.

Consulting & Event Planning/Management

Southern Television and Film Summit (http://www.stafsummit.com/)- annual gathering of industry talent will become the epicenter of new ideas around on the business of television, film, and new media. This will be a three-day event that will have panels, workshops, open casting sessions, pitching sessions, an industry luncheon and an awards dinner. Since this summit encompasses both TV and film, it will be packed with a powerhouse of network executives, producers (little and big screen), directors, investors and entertainment lawyers. It will essentially have three tiers of people (Decision Makers, Working Professionals, Aspiring Industry/Students) and the summit will be structured for access - meaning there will be lots of networking opportunities. The summit will be March 31, 2011 - April 3, 2011 at the W Midtown Atlanta.
International Film Festival Summit (http://www.filmfestivalsummit.com/) - this is an annual summit for film festivals - festival directors, producers, development staff, etc. They gather once a year to discuss the state of the industry and the challenges some currently face and what's on the horizon. Gabe and I have both been speakers/panelists at this summit for the past few years and this coming year. However, one thing we're doing this year now that we're not in direct competition with most of the attendees, we're providing consultation sessions to festivals. We've had many festivals register for this service so it's very exciting for us. We've consulted many times before, but being associated with a festival while consulting come with natural limitations.

So, that's the dealio. If you have any questions please feel free to ask. Please visit all of the web sites and help spread the word. If you want to sponsor any of these events, please email me or Gabe at paula@stickytoepads.com or gabe@stickytoepads.com.

Separated at Birth

2010-10-28T22:11:00.002-05:00

I love shit like this.

Justin Beiber

Chord Overstreet (new kid on Glee)

Tim Linecum (SF Giants pitcher) & Wiley Wiggens (actor from DAZED AND CONFUSED)

Elia Kazan screening series coming to the Plaza Theatre

2010-09-07T20:35:00.011-05:00

Atlanta will get to experience what has drawn attention from the Venice and Telluride Film Festivals: Martin Scorsese's personal documentary tribute to Elia Kazan. The film will be the one and only big-screen viewing of the film. Read the New York Times' review here.

Elia Kazan launched the careers of Marlon Brando, James Dean, Eli Wallach, Eva Marie Saint and Warren Beatty, to name a few. He inspired a generation of filmmakers from Sidney Lumet and John Cassavetes to Arthur Penn and Woody Allen. He favored real locations over sets, unknowns over stars, and realism over convenient genres. He pioneered the use of the "method" in film — bringing sensitivity and understanding of the acting process. Producer George Stevens, Jr. concludes that Kazan's films "changed American moviemaking."

Martin Scorsese, who presented Kazan with his life achievement OSCAR®, counts himself among Kazan's greatest fans. His personal documentary tribute to Kazan, A LETTER TO ELIA, initiates this series of 35mm prints of four Elia Kazan classics.

http://tinyurl.com/EliaKazan

Screenings:
$10 general admission
$32 Screening Series Pass
Free for Emory Students

September 13, 7:30 PM Double Feature!
Martin Scorsese's A LETTER TO ELIA &
Marlon Brando in VIVA ZAPATA!
Buy Tickets Here

September 20, 7:30 PM
A TREE GROWS IN BROOKLYN
Buy Tickets Here

September 27, 7:30 PM
Gregory Peck in GENTLEMAN'S AGREEMENT
Buy Tickets Here

October 4, 7:30 PM
Montgomery Clift in WILD RIVER
Buy Tickets Here

4 Week Screening Series: $32 (20% discount)
Buy Screening Pass Here

Venue:

Plaza Theatre
1049 Ponce De Leon Avenue, Atlanta GA 30306
http://www.PlazaAtlanta.com/

Below is a short documentary about director Elia Kazan based on a 25 page paper written by Joe Baughman for Film History class during the Summer of 2009.

HD, 3D and Misleading Advertising

2010-08-21T16:21:00.002-05:00

I'm really getting tired of all of the hype and misleading advertising around HD and 3D technology. First, let's start with HD.

Comcast
Here's the latest Comcast ad regarding HD:

The claim is that Comcast has more HD than satellite. And here is what Comcast lists on their web site:

More HD choices than Satellite

More than 3,000 HD shows and movies On Demand.
Access to Starz^® HD movies On Demand-before their network premieres.
No additional HD programming fees.

True HD Experience

Every whisper and every squint in like-you-were-there crystal-clear quality.
Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound
An amazing library of HD movies available at your fingertips.

But the real info is this (from the troubleshooting section):

Can view HD channels but not in HD quality

Not all programs are broadcast in true HD-format, therefore, you should check out the programmer's website for a listing of programming schedules and the format that each broadcast in

AT&T U-verse
Then, AT&T has a commercial:

AT&T claims it delivers more HD channels than cable in most markets:

What to watch

With AT&T U-verse, you get access to over 120 HD channels and growing! AT&T U-verse offers one of the best values in the industry for access to HD programming and delivers more HD channels than cable in most markets. AT&T U-verse provides a robust HD Channel Lineup that includes your favorite sports, events, and movies in HD quality picture and sound with the touch of your button on your remote control.

HD channel availability varies by package(s) selected (you must subscribe to a standard-definition premium channel to receive the HD version).

But once again, the real info is here, in the trouble shooting section:

Note: Not all programs shown on an HD channel were filmed in High Definition and won't reflect HD quality.

Direct TV
Beyonce tries to woo us with her hips and lips for Direct TV's HD channels:

Direct TV seems to make the same claims that Comcast (now Xffinity) and AT&T U-verse. They contend that they have "the most full-time HD channels." They advertise 160 HD channels. What they don't advertise is......go ahead, take a guess. Yep! Even if you have a certain HD channel, if the program you're watching wasn't shot in HD, it won't be viewed in HD.

Now, I'm not an idiot, I don't think that just because I have HD all things should be projected in HD. I just think the content service providers' advertising is a bit disingenuous. The real HD advertising should be done by the individual channels - stating that 90% of their programming is in HD (shot and projected). I guess I do have to point out that Comcast does state that they have "More than 3,000 HD shows" - which does clarify it a bit.

3D
I have the same problem with 3D advertising. There is a huge difference viewing a movie that has been shot in 3D verses one that was shot in 2D and pulled into 3D in post production. I feel cheated as a consumer when I buy a ticket to a 3D movie, like ALICE IN WONDERLAND, and I'm severely let down. The difference is so clear. One thing I've noticed lately is a mixture - which I guess is maybe a way of saving some money in production - partly shot in 3D and partly pulled into 3D in post. Again, it's clear when that's done and it actually takes me out of the movie. Notes on ALICE IN WONDERLAND 3D:

Sony Pictures Imageworks designed the visual effects sequences.Burton felt 3D was appropriate to the story's environment.Burton and Zanuck chose to film with conventional cameras, and convert the footage into 3D during post-production; Zanuck explained 3D cameras were too expensive and "clumsy" to use, and they felt that there was no difference between converted footage and those shot in the format.James Cameron, who released his 3D film Avatar in December 2009, criticized the choice, stating, "It doesn't make any sense to shoot in 2-D and convert to 3-D".

If a movie advertises itself as being 3D - then I think it should mean that it was originally shot in 3D - making it a true 3D movie/experience. If it wasn't shot in 3D, or only partially shot in 3D, then I think it should be called 2.5D, and cost half the premium of the 3D movie ticket.

And, as far as it goes for 3D on TVs - I don't even care about that. I don't want it. I don't want to have to wear anything on my face while at home watching TV. Even if I buy one of the TV's that don't require the glasses, I want to be able to lay on my couch and watch TV, you can't do that with 3D TV. Lastly, I honestly don't want to watch 3D programs at home. I want my regular ole 2D programs - preferably in HD.

RESTREPO

2010-08-18T20:54:00.006-05:00

If you haven't had a chance to see RESTREPO, make time soon! RESTREPO, an independent documentary, premiered at Sundance in January 2010 and took the Grand Jury Documentary Prize. Directors Tim Hetherington and Sebastian Junger do a remarkable job of showing us the war through the eyes of the soldiers fighting in it.

Sergeant Brendan O’Byrne (l.) and Private First Class Juan “Doc” Restrepo (r.) of Battle Company, 173rd US Airborne on a train one week before their deployment to Afghanistan. Italy. 2007. Image © Outpost Films

The movie's title has been one of question - is it a person or a place? Well, the answer is both - it's a person first, then a place. Juan Restrepo, a young soldier who voluntarily enlisted in the army because the physical challenge and disciplined appealed to him, was sent to Afghanistan in the spring of 2007. A camera crew was embedded in Restrepo's platoon, which was sent to the Korengal Valley, the most dangerous place in Afghanistan, to secure an area of land needed to build a major road. Shortly after arriving in and getting briefed about Korengal, the group of soldiers come under fire and Restrepo is hit. This is really where the film begins - this is where we, the audience, get a look into the minds and motivations of the soldiers. As a sign of respect and honor, Restrepo's group names their camp "Outpost Restrepo."

Outpost (“OP”) Restrepo. Korengal Valley, Kunar Province, Afghanistan. 2008. Image © Outpost Films

In addition to documenting the surviving soldiers' feelings and motivations, Hetherington and Junger spend the rest of the film carefully depicting realities of the war most never think about - like meetings with the elder residents of the surrounding villages. The interesting takeaway from this film is thus: The bond that's developed between soldiers is a crucial element in their motivation to fight - much more so than the objective mission with which they're originally charged.

Captain Dan Kearney of Battle Company, 173rd US Airborne meets with
local Afghan elders in the Korengal Valley, Kunar Province, Afghanistan.
2008. Image © Outpost Films

Whether you're a supporter of the war, a supporter of the soldiers, none or all of the above, make it a point to see this movie.

By the way, Sebastian Junger's book, War, expands upon his experiences in the Korengal Valley and his time with the platoon. It's on bookshelves now.

2010 Atlanta 48 Hour Film Project - Best Of screenings

2010-08-16T11:17:00.002-05:00

Congratulations to the 2010 winning teams. Winning jury films will be announced at the screening. Below are the 2010 48HFP audience winners and runners up- also being screened. Get your tickets before they're all gone!

Audience Awards GROUP A
"Always Remember the Little Things"
Suspense/Thriller
Whatever - Jeff Shipman

Runner Up: Song of the Silenced** - Avalanche

Audience Awards GROUP B
"Reel Life: I Live with a Method Actor"
Mockumentary
Lemon Party - Matt Swinsky

Runner Up: Lightning Love - Somoney Pictures

Audience Awards GROUP C
"Detention"**
Comedy
Mavin - Pat Clark

Runner Up: Thesis** - White Flame Studios

Audience Awards GROUP D
"The Unstoppable Edwina Chambers"**
Film De Femme
DIM Pictures - Anthony McHie

Runner Up: It's All about Timing - Khol Slaw Productions

Audience Awards GROUP E
"Pray"**
Heist
FUGO Studios - Eric Haviv

Runner Up: My Last Time - Intelligent Design

Audience Awards GROUP F
"It's in the Bag"
Mockumentary
Godmother Productions - Linda Harding

Runner Up: Love Transcends - Creative Studios

** Denotes Jury Award Winners
Jury Prizes will be announced at the show--including the Grand Jury Prize winner1

Thanks to Our 2010 48HFP Jury:

Elizabeth Strickler, Georgia State University - DAEL Lab
Jason Marraccini - ECG Productions
Matthew Foster - Dragon*Con Film Festival

Grand Jury Prizes - will be announced at the show! ALSO--VOTE FOR THE GRAND AUDIENCE PRIZE WINNER AT THE SCREENING! Your vote will determine the Grand Audience Award winner.

C'est la vie

2010-07-28T19:24:00.027-05:00

Today is my last day with the Atlanta Film Festival. Leaving breaks my heart but staying would break my spirit.

I met so many great people, saw excellent (and not so excellent) films, drank on the job, contemplated jumping off buildings and running away, grew as a person, reverted to primal and child-like behaviors, fell in love, gave up on humanity, and pushed myself harder than I had ever before. I'm truly grateful for the friends I made, souls I connected with, lessons I learned, and births I witnessed (literally and figuratively). While my time with the Atlanta Film Festival 365 has ended, the relationships I made will continue - that makes me happy.

While this does not even do it justice, below are some of photos of my time there:

Out On Film 2006

Atlanta Film Festival 2007

Lab 601's Fire Pole:

Rapid i Movement 2007
(I kinda just like this picture of me)

Out On Film 2007

Atlanta Writer's Retreat 2007
Great little video by Kent Osborne:

2008 Atlanta Film Festival

Atlanta Screen Writer's Retreat 2008

2009 Atlanta Film Festival

Atlanta Film Festival Writer's Retreat 2009

2010 Atlanta Film Festival

Our Rock Band Album Cover:

“If you only do what you know you can do- you never do very much.” - Thomas Krause

Chip Conley: Measuring what makes life worthwhile | Video on TED.com

2010-06-21T17:57:00.003-05:00

I love these TED Talks. They are so inspiring. I watched this one today and I thought I'd share it. I do have a problem counting the intangible and finding the right balance of happiness. He does a great job illustrating Happiness. He uses the following metric:

Happiness = Wanting what you have ÷ Having what you want

Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.

Chip Conley: Measuring what makes life worthwhile | Video on TED.com

Dear Cable/Satellite Companies:

2010-06-11T18:47:00.005-05:00

So, the other day I read this article about how Hulu plans to start charging viewers. I'm so torn over how I should handle my viewing right now. So, what I'd like to do is customize my cable access by creating a personal viewing library. Since all of the shows I want to watch are available on some form or another to screen on my TV, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask to have it my way. I mean, if Burger King has all of the ingredients to make a burger the way I want it, and so does my cable TV provider, then........

So, I'd like to pay for the shows I want to watch. I don't want to subscribe to all of the channels I don't watch just to get a couple of the shows that I do watch. Honestly, where is the sense in that? I know some channels hope I will stumble upon a show, but I don't really work like that.

My proposal is simple. I'm willing to pay per TV show. I believe I should be able to subscribe to Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Dexter, and whatever else I want to watch, individually. The subscription can be done in two ways: by season or by episode. I'm willing to pay $5 per show per season for a cable show and $0.99 for a single episode. How should that be delivered to me you ask? The answer is simple - If the season is over, then I should be able to watch it all on demand at my leisure. If the season is currently in session, I should be able to watch them as they are aired and they should be available in my personal library immediately after airing.

I want access to all shows available for broadcast. If I want to watch one I am not subscribed to, then I want the option to pay for a single episode - to determine if I'd buy access to the season. Local broadcasting should be offered to me free of charge.

I will pay extra for HD service - a fixed monthly rate of $15. I will also pay to rent a DVR - a fixed monthly rate of $10. Based on the programs I wish to subscribe, renting a DVR and getting HD, my monthly bill should run me approximately $50 per month.

Next, I would like access to the internet by using my remote control. I am willing to pay $25 per month for internet access.

Lastly, I understand that cable channels make money via ad sales. The less programming I watch, the more difficult it is to make media buys. But you know what? So what. Maybe if channels had better programming they'd be able to sell better ads. In fact, if you really want to offer the viewer a service, offer channels for free - subsidized by ad buys.

So there you have it. Now, I'd like to have it my way.

Number 9 - SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK

2010-06-09T16:40:00.005-05:00

So, I've been thinking about my list of movies for the last ten years and since several months have passed since I posted number 10, it's high time I post number 9. Luckily, I've chosen a movie that I reviewed a couple of years ago: SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK. So I'm recycling my post from a couple of years ago.

I write this blog without reading any other reviews of the movie. That said, I'm sure there are several points of the movie that I will miss - simply because of the film's complexity. The movie is existential at its core. The first theme I see in the movie is Nietzsche's thoughts on Eternal Recurrence. The overly simplistic premise of this theory is that time is infinite, but matter is finite. We are finite beings, and as opposed to actually dying and/or being reincarnated, one lives the same life over and over again (because there is a finite amount of matter - meaning us- in an infinite span of time). So, the takeaway here is: if your life is infinitely cyclical, make it the life you'd want to live again and again, forever.

The movie starts by dropping us into the lives of the Cotard family. Caden Cotard, played by Philip Seymour Hoffman, is an overweight, thirty something psychosis-suffering husband and father. Caden's wife, Adele, played by Catherine Keener, is an unhappy woman, around Caden's age, longing for a more bohemian-type lifestyle, or just some other life and lifestyle than she's currently living. The couple share a four-year-old daughter, Olive, who suffers from her own obsession with the color of her poop, but still oddly enough appears to be somewhat of a normal kid. The family is an artistic one - Caden a live-theater director and Adele a painter. The couple seem to be on a continual search of something other than what they have, although neither know what it is they want.

We attend a regularly scheduled marriage-counseling session with Caden and Adele. Caden sits on the left side of the couch in somewhat of an upright position while Adele is on the right side, slouched down and leaning over the side - illustrative of any 15 year old teenager forced into therapy that she "obviously" doesn't need. Adele confesses to the therapist, played by Hope Davis, that she's fantasized about Caden dying so that she can start over again without feeling guilty. Caden doesn't appear shocked by the confession. We know their separation/divorce is inevitable and kind of hope for it, so both of these people can experience some sort of long-term happiness.

Caden wraps rehearsals of his latest apt production, Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman, and returns home to share the accomplishment with Adele. Adele is happy for Caden, but informs him that she will not be able to attend opening night due to another engagement. Caden is clearly disappointed. It's obvious that Adele does care for Caden and vice-versa, but you realize that it's only a legal relationship at this point. Adele does manage to make it to the second night of the play, but it lacked the specialness of opening night. Hazel, the box-office attendant, played by Samantha Morton, readily and eagerly fills the vacancy on opening night. The two share a mutual attraction but Caden remains committed to his emotionally absent Adele.

The table turns when Caden is anticipating a trip to Berlin with Adele and Olive, where Adele will premiere her latest artwork. As the couple huddle over their kitchen bar for breakfast, Adele announces that she thinks only she and Olive should travel to Berlin. Caden is somewhat taken aback and Adele apologizes for hurting his feelings. Adele leaves with Olive and we are left with Caden, and all of his pustules - literally. Here is where the movie changes and somewhat resembles Being John Malkovich, also written by Charlie Kaufman.

Time passes but Caden doesn't seem to notice. He receives a fellowship grant that will allow him to produce his magnum opus. He rents a huge "stage" large enough to hold a city, which is a good thing because that is exactly what Caden proceeds to build, albeit unintentionally. Caden starts pre-production of his play, which he never titles although he tosses around lots of potential titles. The problem is that the play is only a reproduction of his life with Adele. Life continues to happen around and to Caden and he even thinks he's actively engaged in it, but he is not. (For example, Caden finds himself in a relationship with an actress named Claire, played by Michelle Williams, but only mechanically - he's not at all engaged in the relationship - even though the two produced a daughter, Ariel, whom he often calls Olive.) He is on an unknowingly mission to find the vanishing point in his and Adele's life. The actors in his plays take on the earlier life of Caden and Adele, but only starting at the point in which we are dropped into the picture. The movie continues to evolve like this and eventually catches up to itself and then surpasses it, with actors portraying Caden and the others involved in his life moving directly in front of Caden and the real "others" in his life. The movie ends when Caden becomes the directed instead of the director.

So many things happen between the time Adele leaves Caden and the end of the movie. It would take me several days, perhaps weeks, to intelligently write about the many complex layers in the movie so I will only focus on just the one. First, meet Sammy Barnathan - a very odd man who we see early on in the movie but don't find out that he is a real person (as opposed to someone in Caden's imagination, for example) until Caden is casting for his masterpiece. Sammy, claiming not to be an actor, auditions for the role of Caden and admits to following Caden around for years, taking notes. He knows the way Caden thinks and can accurately anticipate and predict Caden's actions and reactions.

Second, note that Hazel is still around. Granted after giving up on Caden ever reciprocating her feelings, she moved on, bought a house (that stayed on fire during the entire movie), married a decent man and had three boys (although she only admits to having twins). However, several years pass and Hazel loses her job at the box office and calls on Caden. She is once again sucked into Caden's controlling vortex and ends up losing her husband and children, although she doesn't seem too disturbed by it.

Caden proceeds to develop his play and uses cast members to portray himself, Claire, Ariel, extras in his real life and eventually Hazel. The only two people not cast are Adele and Olive. He is recreating his life and when one thing doesn't seem as it should, he starts from the beginning again. This is the rehearsal that never ends - hence, the Eternal Recurrence reference above. The characters (real and projected) age. However, they never evolve into anything other than themselves. What's interesting is that the actors playing the real people (ie: Sammy and the actress playing Hazel) actually begin to make their own decisions outside of the rehearsal. For example, Sammy and the actress playing Hazel actually do get together and truly enjoy each other's company, but Caden gets jealous and tries to intervene. Naturally, Hazel submits to Caden's advances and loses Sammy. This is where the play catches up to itself and changes again.

In an effort to wrap this very long blog and not scare away future readers, I will say this: Go see the movie. Then see it again, and then a couple more times. Charlie Kaufman spent years preparing the script and then shooting the movie and crafting it just right. The least we can do is spend a few hours watching it, a few more hours thinking about it, and then hopefully a lifetime seeing how it applies to our lives.

Think about Eternal Recurrence. If you are doomed to live your life over and over again, what things would you change right now?

I leave you with the trailer:

A few of my favorite movies at the festival this year

2010-04-11T09:57:00.004-05:00

In my humble opinion, a few movies not to miss at the 2010 Atlanta Film Festival (April 15 - 23) are:

FREEDOM RIDERS (opening night - April 15 @8:00pm) - Purchase Tickets Here The screening is followed by an after party at Hotel Midtown.

RACING DREAMS screens Sat @ 2:15pm and Mon @ 7:05pm (click on day/time to buy tickets) This is such a great little movie. It's like HOOP DREAMS for NASCAR.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHm8d3EJfjE

NONAMES screening Sat @ 9:45pm and Monday @ 4:15pm - This movie touched me because it reminds me so much of my son, and a few other family members. The movie does such an excellent job of showing the fine line between external cause-and-effect and careless decision-making. Kathy Lindboe, the director, will be in attendance.

I AM COMIC screens Sun @ 5:30pm and Tue @ 9:40pm - Jeff Foxworthy, Dave Attell and Margaret Cho are scheduled to attend the Sunday screening.

10 CONDITIONS OF LOVE screens Monday @ 7:10pm - Rebiya Kadeer will be in attendance. China protested this film's screening in Australia and it resulted in the film festival's computer system being hacked. This will be the North American premiere of the film.

You can see information on the Chinese protests against the Melbourne Film Festival screening here:

THE SQUARE screens Wed at 9:25pm - This is probably my favorite movie in the whole festival.

BURNING ICE screens Thurs @ 7:10pm - I don't have a trailer for this film, but I do have a description: Burning Ice follows a group of 45 world-renowned artists, musicians and scientists as they travel to the High Arctic to witness the effects of climate change. Travelling on a Russian ice-breaker up the west coast of Greenland are musicians Jarvis Cocker, Lesley Feist, Ryuichi Sakamoto, Martha Wainright ,KT Tunstall, Robin Hitchcock; Performance artist Laurie Anderson; Photographer Chris Wainwright and Poet Lemn Sissay. As scientists study the glaciers and ocean currents, the sheer beauty of the landscape inspires an extraordinary outpouring of art projects, music and song. The journey is organized by the UK based arts organization Cape Farewell. Director Peter Gilbert will be in attendance.

THE SECRET TO A HAPPY ENDING - closing night - April 23 @ 7:30pm - I can't find a trailer for this movie. The Drive-By Truckers will be performing live after the screening - followed by an after party at Artmore Hotel.

Oz Magazine

2010-03-31T21:09:00.003-05:00

Below is an article that Gabe and I co-authored in the current issue of Oz Magazine - just in time for the 2010 Atlanta Film Festival - happening April 15 - 23rd in Midtown Atlanta.

Tiger's Wood

2010-02-19T21:00:00.004-05:00

Apparently I'm gonna be in the minority here, but I honestly don't understand why everyone is so damn interested in Tiger Woods' sex life - with his wife or his lovers. I also don't believe that his sexual behavior tarnishes his ability to be a role model to young golfers. The problem is with society's obsession with sex, sexual behavior and conditional norms.

Below are the arguments I'd like make:

1) Tiger Woods' sexual behavior should not affect his ability to be a role model.

Unless Tiger's sexual behavior was part of his role modeling prior to his admitted affairs, his sexual behavior should not be a considering factor for role modelhood after his admissions. The world considered him a role model (because of his superior golfing abilities) before learning of his promiscuity. He was having sex with multiple women without the world's knowledge of it. Had the world not found out, he would still be considered a role model. His sexual behavior has nothing to do with his golfing abilities.

2) The lack of money and sex is the root of all evil.

Okay, I admit to being a little cute here - Mark Twain is actually credited with "the lack of money is the root of all evil" but I think sex should be included in there too. American society is obsessed with sex - probably because the majority isn't having it and the rest think it's a bad and naughty deed.

Seriously though, as both readers of this blog probably know, I was a philosophy major in college. My favorite philosopher to study was Michel Foucault. One of my favorite works of his is "The History of Sexuality" volume 1. The book starts with the following passage: "For a long time, the story goes, we supported a Victorian regime, and we continue to be dominated by it even today. Thus the image of the imperial prude is emblazoned on our restrained, mute, and hypocritical sexuality." Foucault continues by introducing the reader to a summarized version of how sexual practices was turned from a "tolerant familiarity with the illicit" to a defined and regulated behavior by the Victorian bourgeoisie. Whereas sexual practices had little need of secrecy and concealment in the seventeenth century, sex had become a silent behavior only to practiced by married couples with the purpose of procreation - which was actually good for the propagation of the state. Norms were established: married sex with the purpose of procreation = good, any other kind of sex = bad. This basic concept still holds true in the twenty-first century - which is actually kind of sad.

3) Tiger Woods' sex life is none of our business.

Regardless of Tiger Woods' public figure status, what he does in private with other consenting adults is none of anyone's business except his and the person(s) he's with at the time. Making his sexual practices my business is just proliferating point number two (2) above.

Now, please don't mistake my arguments as my condoning Tiger's behavior. I'm simply stating it's actually none of my business and should not affect his role-model abilities.

If you're interested in reading Michel Foucault's book, you can find out more about it by clicking on the image below or buy it on Amazon.

What to do.....

2010-01-18T22:10:00.002-05:00

So, the festival is only a few months away. Things are getting pretty busy at work and that means frustration levels (particularly mine) are all over the place. I believe this will be my fourth Atlanta Film Festival. The organization has had a very stable staff in place for those four years, which is pretty unusual when it comes to nonprofits. Unfortunately, I feel I'm getting to the point of burnout. The burnout comes from the administrative end, not the creative end. And by administrative, I mean dealing with the board of directors.

In my humble opinion, nonprofits are broken - structurally. When a person joins the board of directors of a nonprofit, it should be done for a couple reasons: 1) A true passion for the organization's mission and, 2) The belief that you can help further organization's mission by helping it get the resources it needs to achieve its goals. If a person joins the board of an organization for any other reason, it does the organization a disservice.

I also think it's important to note that it's not the job of the board of directors to manage the organization - that is the hired staff's responsibility. The job of the board is to provide the organization with fiduciary oversight. Fiduciary oversight (a legal term) basically consists of two parts: initially creating a budget and then monitoring how effective and appropriate the year’s budget has been executed, in the best interests of a third party. According to Idea.org, a go to site for nonprofits, they describe the role of a board of directors as the following:

The role of a non-profit board member is comprised of only three activities:

Fundraising (80 percent): Fundraising is the most important responsibility of a board member, yet many board members are reluctant to engage in this activity. Board members are expected use their connections to spur interest in and support of the organization they serve. Board fundraising activities may include major donor solicitations, sponsorship solicitations, membership recruitment, and efforts to boost event registrations.

Oversight of Programs (10 percent): The non-profit board is responsible for general oversight of the organization’s programs. This role does not extend to the operations behind the programs, but does include fiduciary oversight.

Strategic Planning (10 percent): The board is the primary force behind the organization’s strategic planning decisions. Board members create or update the strategic plan and evaluate the implementation plan presented by staff.

But, when board members see their job as an oversight of management, huge problems between the board and staff begin to arise. Gabe and I work as a management team - we work in tandem with sponsors, vendors and any external relationships the organization maintains. I have additional duties that include handling all of the finances and human resource needs, including staff management. Gabe writes grants and does other fund-raising activities. All in all, I guess it balances out for each of us. He, however, carries the title of Executive Director and therefore has a direct linkage to the board. I am the Managing Director (still an executive position) but on the staff side, not the board side. We both deal with the board and provide them with reports and so forth.

For the past several months now, our relationship with the board of directors has grown strained. Our board does not consider itself a "fund-raising board," even though that is the board we need. Instead, our board wants to be involved in the daily management decisions and wants to actively participate in creative endeavors. This is not the role of the board - this is the role of the staff. This is creating the burnout and high stress levels. I honestly feel that this will be my last festival and that makes me sad. I have loved being part of the transformation of the Atlanta Film Festival. However, I feel that, due to the state of the board of directors, we have reached a glass ceiling and cannot bust through. Learning how to deal with this is difficult. It reminds me of dealing with my son - he has SOOOO much potential (he's very smart) but he completely wastes his days away with nonsense and will not achieve his true potential. I see the potential the Atlanta Film Festival holds and it's so damn frustrating knowing that it probably won't achieve its full potential due to its own board. For a driven person, having to live in that type of an environment is just cruel and brutal.

So, I've been pretty depressed lately and have been trying to figure out where to go from here. I feel so lost because I had so much optimism going into this job and now I just feel defeated and deflated. I cannot live in mediocrity and I cannot lower my standards for success because I feel doing so does everyone, including me, a disservice. Sometimes I wish I could - sometimes I wish I could be one of those people who doesn't really care about things and can disengage. I think it'd be much easier to deal with and I might be a happier person. I'm not wired that way, though.

I read something today that I think quaintly explains why I can't give up, give in, or disengage. My friend posted an MLK Jr. quote, in honor of today's holiday. It reads: " Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." Martin Luther King, Jr. Unfortunately, if I'm doing something, it's because it matters.

Number 10 - SILENT LIGHT

2010-01-13T21:49:00.005-05:00

Well, I belong to the school of thought that believes a decade is 1-10. So, since we're in the 10th year, I will begin with my top films of the decade. I'll count down and it'll probably take me a long time to finally get to my number one film of the decade, but it'll be worth it.

I start this list with SILENT LIGHT, by Carlos Reygadas.

At first glance, I didn't quite know what to make of the film - it's slow moving and very artistic. The story follows a deeply religious Mennonite family but focuses upon the actions and reactions of three people: the husband, Johann, his wife, Esther, and his mistress, Marianne. It's clear that Johann loves his wife and family but he's truly drawn to Esther and feels as though she is his better match and truer love. Johann is tormented with falling in love with Marianne because he doesn't want to hurt Esther, whom he's been completely forthcoming with about the affair, but cannot stand the thought of losing either women.

The film brings to light the dilemma lots of people must face in life: Passion verses Duty. Johann and Esther are in a passionless marriage with seven fair-headed children. It's obvious they love each other and their children. They've made a commitment, under God, and Johann sees it as his duty to remain married to Esther and provide their children with the best life possible. Esther is very much aware of Marianne and the affair and suffers in silence as it is her duty to be the best wife and mother she can be - no matter the circumstances. Their stoicism is painful - to watch and for them to live.

But when Johann is with Marianne, he is filled with passion. The chemistry between the two is apparent and energized. Marianne is also tormented because she's in love with Johann yet knows that they will never be together. She also feels sad for Esther because she knows that even though Johann fulfills his husbandly duties with Esther, the fire in his heart burns for her.

I have to say that I honestly didn't like Johann that much. I felt his "honesty" to be brutal and careless. I cared much more for Esther and Marianne, which I finally decided that the story was about anyway. Both of these women were in love with this one man - who couldn't fully give himself to either one of them. They were both settling. I don't know who was more flawed, or even if one was more flawed than the other(s).

The story of this tormented trio is told beautifully with long quite shots that capture the stoic essence of a Mennonite lifestyle. The story does have resolution but I'm not quite sure how I feel about the ending. I think Reygadas employs some supernatural imagery that bothered me at the time. To me, the use of this abrogated the honesty portrayed in the story up to that point. I think the final decision could have still been the same without the use of unnatural happenings. However, this wasn't enough to sway me away from the film.

I recommend watching this film at least three times: Once to take it all in as a whole; Once to follow and contemplate the story and; Once to absorb the visually mesmerizing camera work. Below is the trailer.

I think my next favorite movie of the decade will be a bit more uplifting.

Bikers Shouldn't Have It Both Ways!

2009-11-10T13:19:00.002-05:00

Lately I've been getting pretty annoyed with people on bicycles, because I think they're taking advantage of their own mobility - in an inconsiderate way. Here's the thing: I usually share the road with three or four people riding bikes on a daily basis and what pisses me off is that they want to act like both a pedestrian and a moving vehicle. I say they shouldn't be able to have it both ways.

Call me a bikest if you want, but I just think they need to choose what they want to be and stick with their choice. For example, they shouldn't be able to ride beside of me on the road and then use the cross walks (as a pedestrian) to make turns, as opposed to following street rules. Does that make any sense? It's law in Georgia that a a driver must stop for pedestrians crossing at crosswalks. But when I see a biker hop on the crosswalk, I think it should be fair game.

H1N1 & Flu Info

2009-11-10T12:59:00.005-05:00

I read a fantastic blog from the Freakonomics blog at the New York Times web site. I include everything here as well as the link to the Emory Screening Algorithm which helps you determine if you might have the flu.

From Stephen Dubner's blog:

November 10, 2009, 10:03 am
On the Prevalance of H1N1
By Stephen J. Dubner

In Seattle recently, I met a pulmonologist who said that the H1N1 virus has him busier than he’s ever been, his hospital beds full of flu patients. The uptick hit particularly hard about 10 days ago, he said.

How has the flu been playing out across the country?

Craig Feied, the physician and technologist we write about in SuperFreakonomics (yes, we’ll run a virtual book club session with him soon; he’s in Chapter 2), sent along the following data picture. “Some doctor,” he writes, “made in a few seconds using Amalga.” That’s the hospital software system that Feied and Mark Smith developed at Washington (D.C.) Hospital Center, and which was later acquired by Microsoft.
DESCRIPTION

Here’s Feied’s commentary on the picture:

For anybody who wonders how much “hype” there is in the H1N1 story, here is an Amalga-created graph of flu seasons in Washington, D.C. from 2002 to 2009.

ILI stands for “Influenza-Like-Illness,” meaning that this includes everybody who shows up at the hospital primarily for symptoms of flu (there’s no attempt to confirm the diagnosis of influenza with specific tests, so this likely includes some people with the “common cold” and people with pneumonia or other respiratory infections).

For each year, January 1 is at the left side of the screen and December 31 is at the right. Historically, the “flu season” has a small bump in the fall, with the serious spike usually beginning early in January and extending into the beginning of March.

It’s instantly apparent that this year is unprecedented in recent history. Long before the typical spike season we are already seeing more cases than we’ve ever seen — and presumably the worst is yet to come.

It’s possible, of course, that some of the surge was caused by patients who wouldn’t have gone to an E.R. but for the media “hype,” as Feied puts it, about H1N1.

To that end, Feied offers another data tool: the the Emory screening algorithm — a self-assessed flu survey “to help people decide when it’s time to go to the E.D.,” he says, “versus when they can safely stay home. As this problem reaches disaster proportions, emergency departments and physician offices will need all the help they can get.”

Philosophical Happiness

2009-10-17T11:08:00.003-05:00

Last week while I was in Memphis, I was talking to a friend of mine about happiness. I told him how I always found it kind of amazing that there seemed to be certain people who can shape their world, kind of creating their own reality and maintain a certain amount of happiness in their lives.

For instance, I used to work with a woman who always seemed happy – despite stressors that existed in the office, difficulties she might be experiencing with her kids, unstable romantic relationships and so forth. Regardless of the external strains and pressures on her life, she seemed to carry this sense of constant happiness. (Everyone in the office pretty much thought she was crazy.) Now don’t get me wrong, she got upset about certain things but always recovered pretty quickly. She also had this uncanny ability to turn an unexpected or disappointing result into a result that she decided was probably the better choice anyway. I’ve met several people who are able to do that with outcomes (flip the unwanted result into the better overall result before the affects are realized) and I’ve always found them very intriguing. For some reason, I think men possess and practice this ability more so than women.

Anyway, my friend, Chris, told me about a TED talk he had recently seen about happiness and it was similar to what I was describing. He forwarded me the link. The talk is excellent and the term that describes what I'm talking about is "synthetic happiness." It’s definitely worth the 20 minutes of watching.

While I find the talk philosophically interesting, I don’t know if I completely buy his premise. I think he makes a couple of huge leaps with his conclusions, resulting in fallacious arguments.

For example, his argument about people being happier with fewer options. I don’t know if I truly buy that or not. While someone may have an easier time making a decision between two things verses five things, I don’t think that necessarily translates into happiness. I guess one could argue that the simpler things are, the easier it is to be happy, but again, I just think that’s a huge leap. To me, it makes too many assumptions, the main one being that we are all equal – in the ways we contemplate, seek and achieve happiness. In reality, I don’t think we are all modeled or wired the same way to achieve happiness.

For me, I think I personally have such high expectations for myself that I'm often let down when I fall short. In an order to pull me out of my self-inflicted funk, others tell me that my expectations are too high and if they had achieved what I have, that they'd be ecstatic, and so forth. When I hear that, it doesn't really do much for me, except maybe question that person's own self expectations and wonder if s/he might be a slacker. I know that is a wrong and unfair assumption, which I later discredit, but I'm being honest here. I think it's because I don't believe that synthetic happiness is as good as achieved happiness. It's the whole fake thing that gets me. I don't know how to do it and talk myself into believing it without feeling like a fake, a fraud and a sellout.

Maybe there's more truth in Dan Gilbert's argument but it'd be more about the limited knowledge. For example, if my knowledge is limited, then I have no idea about everything available to me - to help me achieve happiness. The problem is everyone's amount of knowledge is vastly different. A dog is happy because his world is limited, he doesn't have to worry about death and making a difference in the world and performing at his optimal level of dogness. I guess an argument can be made that there are limits within our world and applying the same philosophy should result in the same outcome, but it doesn't make a sound argument.

More thoughts later.

Today totally blew!

2009-10-01T17:09:00.002-05:00

Today has been one of those days where everything seems to go wrong and I end up going a bit crazy because I don't seem to be getting enough oxygen to my brain. Seriously.

I don't know how I'm ever gonna be able to sit back and enjoy life when I keep thinking things should be one way and they're not. I know this sounds absurd and is probably an indication I should be locked in the looney bin, but nonetheless, it's real. Now, note the difference here, I do know there are things I cannot control - that's not my problem. My problem is still wanting them and/or outcomes to be different - this is where the insanity comes into play. So, basically, I cognitively know what my problem is and my limitations but I still get mad anyway. WTF?!

I think the office I work in is contributing to my insanity. First of all, we have no windows to look out of - we're basically dropped into the middle of an art gallery. Now, I like the gallery and the space itself, but it's just not a healthy and pleasant working environment. The gallery changes exhibits every few months and each time they have to do major construction (moving walls, hanging things, etc) and since we're placed in the middle of the gallery, we hear every bit of it, like it's right next door....oh, wait, it is next door. Clients on the phone can hear it too - it's very frustrating. But, a new exhibit is in place and we should be construction free for several more weeks.

Secondly, being a nonprofit totally sucks sometimes. Like most nonprofits, we're always looking for much needed resources (human and fiscal). Our computers are old and we have to piece things together and then things break. It's so inefficient to try and work on old technology. You'd think that with us being a media arts organization, we'd have new technology - Au Contraire, Mon Frere! Today was one of those maddening technology days.

So, tonight I'm gonna try something new - belly dancing. I joined a meetup group and tonight is belly dancing for women. It's only $6 - so I thought I'd give it a shot. I've always liked watching belly dancers and wished I could do it - which IS something in my control. It starts at 7:15pm so I better get scootin'.

Later y'all.

Out Here, On My Own

2009-09-23T21:18:00.004-05:00

I saw the movie FAME tonight. Growing up, I used to love the TV show so much. I seriously wanted to grow up and be a dancer on Fame. I did dance in junior high and high school - on the drill team, but (obviously) the Fame thing didn't work out. Anyway, there is a song in the movie that I feel I still relate to. Part of it is performed in the video below.

Here are the lyrics:

Sometimes I wonder
Where I've been
Who I am, do I fit in?
Make-believing is hard alone
Out here, on my own

We're always proving
Who we are
Always reaching
For that rising star
To guide me far
And shine me home
Out here on my own

When I'm down and feeling blue
I close my eyes so I can be with you
Oh, baby, be strong for me
Baby, belong to me
Help me through
Help me need you

Until the morning sun appears
Making light of all my fears
I dry the tears I've never shown
out here on my own

But when I'm down and feeling blue
I close my eyes so I can be with you
Oh, baby, be strong for me
Baby, belong to me
Help me through
Help me need you

Sometimes I wonder
Where I've been
Who I am, do I fit in?
I may not win
But I can't be thrown
Out here on my own
On my own

Sometimes, when I reflect on my life, it's so hard to believe everything that I've lived through. Seriously, I feel I have lived an entire life in half the time. I often feel alone and it's very difficult to get through those moments - especially recently. Trying to find my place in the world again is an ongoing struggle. I often feel like I've been searching for something my whole life and I wonder if I will ever find it. This constant state of searching is often confused with ambition - which I also possess - and trying to separate one from the other is difficult - for me and others. Nonetheless, I keep getting up every morning and keep hoping that one day, I will find what I'm looking for and will be able to hold onto that moment forever.

Not trying to drone on in my self pity and despair, but I do want to share another song with which I identify. It's "What's Up Lonely," by Kelly Clarkson.

The lyrics:
Blue- I'm getting kinda close to you
Like a shadow I can't lose
Hey, you've been hanging with me everyday
Now you're getting in my way

I know you understand me
But don't you think that maybe
It's time to move on

What's Up Lonely
Seems you're my only
friend who wants to share my pain
Tell me heartache
What's it gonna take for you to leave me alone today
Just when I think that you're gone
You're in the mirror looking back at me
So what's up lonely...

Sometimes
I wish you weren't by my side
Can't you find another shoulder, cause I
I wanna leave this broken heart behind
We're both wasting too much time

Find someone else to rain on
I'm really getting tired of singin' this sad song

What's Up Lonely
Seems you're my only
friend who wants to share my pain
Tell me heartache
What's it gonna take for you to leave me alone today
Just when I think that you're gone
You're in the mirror looking back at me
So what's up lonely

Don't wanna give you a reason
to hang around anymore
You won't be hurting my feelings if you find another broken heart you can lean on

Gotta go, gotta move on
Gotta go, gotta move on
Just leave me alone

What's Up Lonely
Seems you're my only
friend who wants to share my pain
Tell me heartache
What's it gonna take for you to leave me alone today
Just when I think that you're gone
You're in the mirror looking back at me
So what's up lonely

Gotta go, gotta move on
Gotta go, gotta move on

What's Up Lonely
Seems you're my only
friend who wants to share my pain
Tell me heartache
What's it gonna take
What's up lonely...

Hopefully sometime in the near future I will be passed this point and the loneliness and heartache will subside. It's technically been two years since Mike and I have lived together. I think I want to start dating: I miss the companionship.

Anger Management

2009-09-15T19:20:00.002-05:00

I think I need some sort of anger management classes - although, because I'm super stubborn I'd probably be a horrible student. I know I'd get mad that somebody was telling me how to do something (even though I voluntarily signed up). Not that I can't take direction, I can, sometimes, but the older I get the more difficult it becomes for me to listen to those who haven't been through the crap I have tell me to take deep breaths or count to ten, or whatever. I know that's kind of crazy......but, nonetheless, it's my current behavior. So, I'm probably my own worst enemy right now because I know if I take classes or something, I'm gonna end up getting mad at the instructor and specifically not do what s/he recommends because I don't want anyone telling me what to do.

The thing is, I'm tired of being mad all the time. I want to laugh and smile and play.

Ugh!

If people would just stop pissing me off, I'd be happy. ;) (just kidding)

This December

2009-09-11T16:43:00.002-05:00

So, I'm trying to figure out what to do for the holidays this December. The reason it's kind of a big deal is two fold: 1) I will have turned 40 on the 5th of the month and will probably still be crying like a baby, and 2) since Mike and I are getting a divorce, I don't think we should be spending it together.

In April, I bought a one-bedroom condo in midtown Atlanta so it's not like I have tons of space to invite friends and family over. I'm somewhat removed from my immediate family for various reasons, some of which are covered in earlier entries in this blog. So, I've been thinking about alternative ways to spend the holidays. Hmmmm.......

I don't have a lot of money and I don't want to be a burden on anyone. So, that's something I've been thinking about lately.

Just putting this out there......

2009-08-22T14:19:00.002-05:00

"This short series of interviews shows unfounded lawsuits from a politicized justice department destroying the careers and lives of state-level Democrats. Was it Karl Rove's plan to undermine the Democratic Party by attacking its support at a local level, away from national scrutiny?"

Part I

Part II

Part III

Thoughts?

Julie & Julia

2009-08-08T08:27:00.003-05:00

Go see this movie! I was a bit worried that it might be too corny or sappy, but it wasn't. I've never been a girly-girl, so I tend to shy away from obvious chick-flicks (or just watch them at home) but I decided to bite the bullet on this one and it paid off.

Meryl Streep and Amy Adams were perfect for the roles. I usually like to imagine who else could've played the part but I can't imagine anyone else being able to successfully pull off their roles as skillfully as they did. Nora Ephron has a definite hit on her hands.

I only left with one real question: How did the Julie character (and her hubby) cook and eat all of those meals without becoming fat?!

So.......

2009-07-25T16:52:00.000-05:00

We're getting a divorce.

Hope: Reality's Mistress

2009-07-19T23:00:00.006-05:00

Hope.

Just because I want something to be a certain way doesn’t make it so. This, apparently, is a lesson I fail to learn - repeatedly. When a person wants to believe in something, and she gets told things she wants to hear, she would tend to believe that something is true – or it’s gonna happen. However, I have come to this conclusion: Hope is to reality as alcohol is to a body. Hope is delightfully intoxicating - and I'm an addict.

I should listen to my gut so much more than I do. How many times has your gut instinct told you to do/not to do something and you did the opposite? What usually happens when you don’t listen to your gut? Chances are, Hope seduced you but your instincts were right. The problem is, sometimes Hope wins.

Hope is a game of chance. It’s kind of like behavioral modification. To use an overly simplistic example, let’s say you want a child to make her bed every day. Using positive reinforcement, you decide to reward the child using a variable reward method – defined and known only by you (ie: you reward the child at various, inconsistent times, randomly), as opposed to a consistent reward method (ie: every time she makes her bed she gets a reward). Which method do you think is more effective in achieving the goal (her making the bed every day)? People might tend to think that the consistent reward method is more effective because the child can count on it, but studies have shown the opposite. Using a variable reward method creates the unknown, but known – in essence, she knows she will get rewarded just not when. When she is rewarded, it’s much more appreciated and makes a higher impact than with the consistent reward method. Consistency becomes mundane and easy to take advantage of, or for granted. A variable reward method creates hope. Gamblers are all too familiar with it.

I don’t mean to get too far off track. I’m just trying to rationalize behavior – specifically mine. So, picking up where my last blog left off, Mike left me with hope: Hope that he would sell the house and do what was necessary to reunite with his wife. My gut told me not to believe it – that he was telling me what I wanted to hear so I would quit complaining, thereby buying him more time to not change. But hope is so much sexier than reality.

Now, please don’t think that I am beating up on Mike – I’m not. I’m just depicting behavior – his and mine – that has led up to this moment. Mike is a good man. He is harmless and would never purposely hurt me, or anyone I know. He has a good heart and means well. However, he’s an extremely passive personality and only becomes truly active when forced. He’s perfectly content with the way things are in his life. I am an active personality. I need and seek change in my life as my goals, wants and desires evolve. That’s not to say that Mike doesn’t have goals – he does – he’s the most educated person I’ve ever known. He’s currently working on his dissertation for his second PhD – plus he has a bachelor’s degree, law degree, and master’s degree from Georgia Tech. Obviously it takes action to achieve all of that (and probably some level of insanity). The difference is this: it’s singular – it’s for self-edification and doesn’t require much interaction with others.

Sometimes I think Mike is lucky because he doesn’t really have much need for hope. He is one of those people who can live in the moment – think about the future but actually live and appreciate the moment at hand. He’s self-actualized, calm, cool and collective. He’s rational (sometimes to a fault), mostly reasonable, but emotionally arrested. I don’t know if it’s better to be still, like Mike, or active, like me. My mind is always moving, thinking about things that need to be done, things I’d like to do, places I’d like be, people I need to talk to, etc… I try to live in the moment but I’m not nearly as successful as Mike. Because of this, I think I have a need for hope – which puts me at a disadvantage sometimes.

Now don’t get me wrong, I think hope is great at times. It can provide strength and power to get one out of a horrible situation. One of my favorite philosophers, Soren Kierkegaard, claimed: “Hope is passion for what is possible.” Hope has definitely helped me through difficult times in my life, but it has also fallen short. I guess the best rule of thumb is still “moderation in all things.” Let me see how many idioms I can use to try and teach myself a lesson in distinguishing the difference between hope and reality:

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket (I should always make sure I even have the damn eggs)
Everything that glitters is not gold
Beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing (all things are not as they seem, regardless of what I want)
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck

Okay, that’s enough. I’m sure you get the point, even if I don’t want to.

Well, I didn’t exactly impart the message I had intended, but it’s a start. More to come……..stay tuned.

PS
If you want to learn more about conditioning via behavioral modification techniques, click here.

Playing Chicken

2009-06-27T00:32:00.005-05:00

Okay, so a friend told me that my previous blog, about my kids leaving, was safe - that I was holding back. It's true. It was safe, but I needed it to be safe, just to be able to get something written down. I knew if I could start with something a little safe, I would be able to progress into less-safe writing.

So, two years ago, I decided to get a place in Atlanta to stay during the work week and drive home to Monroe on the weekends. Even though Monroe is only 50 miles to my office, with Atlanta traffic I was regularly making a 15-20 hour/week commute. I had talked to Mike about moving to Atlanta but he was dead-set against it. I had looked for jobs in and around Monroe but couldn't find anything - anything worth doing, anyway. So, we talked it over and decided it would be best for me to stay in town through the week.

At first, it was very awkward. After going home to Mike every day for a few years, I was "going home" to my little rinky-dink hotel room, that I rented by the month. The place did the job, it had a bed, TV, closet and bathroom, but the hotel smelled a bit like moth balls - or as I liked to describe it, "old people." I rented the hotel for a few months but that eventually got old - going to an old-people-smelling hotel room, with none of my pets, Mike, or any loved ones. I still loved my job but still couldn't stomach the commute. I decided to approach Mike again about the possibility of moving from Monroe into Atlanta. My ammo - renting a studio apartment and signing a one-year lease. Mike argued that if I eventually got tired of my job, I'd come back to Monroe and all would be fine. I told him that the job market in Monroe was not likely to change and even if I did change jobs, it would most likely be for another job located in Atlanta. Well, he decided to take that bet. And like that, the game of Chicken was on. Who would budge first?

I signed a lease on a cute little studio apartment. For furniture, I used Mike's mom's old bed, couch and TV. Basically, I just raided her apartment downstairs and took what I needed to furnish it. Mike really didn't like me taking the furniture (he abhors change) but he also understood that I needed furniture and purchasing new was not an option. I felt much better in the studio, simply for the fact that I had a kitchen (even though I'm not an avid cook) and more squares for my feet. Coming home to an empty place after work was still somewhat difficult though. I used to meet a friend or two for dinner once or twice a week but that got to be a bit costly. I also think Gabe might have felt a little sad for me and started Sunday and/or Thursday night TV watching at his and Trin's house. Dan would go too.

The first few months were the hardest. Mike would drive into Atlanta on occasion, for dinner or a movie, but he didn't like making the drive. (I know. I had the solution for him, too.) Eventually, Mike's drive into Atlanta became much less frequent - once or twice per month, instead of weekly. As the festival became closer and closer, I worked weekends in addition to my regular hours, so my trips to Monroe also decreased. Then, his ventures into the city slowed to once every other month and my hike to Monroe was somewhat similar.

I started to get really angry - for many reasons. I was angry that my husband was completely fine with his wife living elsewhere (especially since he worked from home, so the location shouldn't matter); angry that he made no effort to try and rectify the situation; angry that he wouldn't spend the night when he did make it into Atlanta; angry that he seemed to lose interest in my life (stopped coming to events/parties); and angry that he wasn't angry. I knew that this inadvertent separation was pretty serious. When I expressed my concerns to Mike he brushed them off and assured me that things were fine. I told him I thought we should seek marriage counseling, but he refused. I once again asked him about moving and he told me that he'd give it some thought and we'd talk about it in six months or so. He gave me that one thing I was looking for: Hope.

(This blog is one of a few parts, more to come.)

Life without my kids - Not work/movie related

2009-06-23T20:55:00.006-05:00

I haven't written a blog entry in quite a while. When I first started writing in this blog I was going to try and keep it just work related. My plans were to use my MySpace blog for my personal blogs, but that didn't really take. I never visit MySpace anymore so I transferred a bunch of my blog entries from there to here several months ago. But then, I felt odd about writing personal stuff here, so I just stopped writing in general. I've missed writing so I decided to allow myself to use this blog for personal entries as well as work-related issues. I think I should denote the entry in some way though in case people don't really give a flying fuck about me personally, but do tend to read my movie reviews or industry thoughts - hence the title. It's quite a lengthy denotation, so I've gotta come up with something simple and effective.

My life has gone through a lot of changes over the past couple of years and I'm finding myself in that place again where it's time to re-evaluate everything. One of the biggest changes was having both of my children leave home. I've been finding it a bit difficult to find my place in the world in again, since my kids are now on their own. I gave birth to my son, Shane, a month before my 18th birthday. Two years later, Shelby was born, and at 20 years old, I had two kids. I was also alone with two kids because I had left my abusive husband.

At the time, I managed my life day to day, depending on my grandparents to help out with childcare while I worked. I didn't think about how unusual my life was or the various and numerous hardships my decisions placed, and were going to place, on my children's lives. I was still just a kid myself. Twenty years later, I look back on those times and find it hard to believe that was me. But, living each day as it came and pushing forward in spite of all the hardships a little bit at a time, I was able to obtain my GED, go to college and finish with an MBA. I am pretty proud of myself for those accomplishments, but my kids also paid the price. Nonetheless, all of this, I did with two kids in the house. My life was nonstop - I was always busy.

Today, I feel like it's just the opposite. Sure, I work all the time, but I rarely feel like I'm moving at any comparable rate of speed compared to three or four years ago, with some sort of tangible benefit awaiting me. Some people tell me that now it's "my time," that I got my kids out of the way early and I'm still young enough to really enjoy my life. The problem is, I don't really know how to do that. I always imagined that I'd go to the gym, get in shape, read, etc... But I don't really do any of that - on a consistent and effective basis anyway. I've had people to care for since I was 17 years old and now I don't. That's hard to deal with sometimes. Sure, the freedom is nice, but all of the other stuff, not so much.

During a recent trip to Las Vegas (Cinevegas), I had dinner with a couple of friends. Both have kids - one with a small child and the other with two tweenagers. They both talked about life with their kids, watching them grow and appreciating their respective daughters for the interesting and unique individuals they're growing into. I didn't mention my kids because mine are already out of the house, with children of their own. Once people discover that my kids have kids, they tend to not know what to say. So, I usually leave it alone. Anyway, that's just one of the many things I'm trying to deal with in my life - just trying to redefine and find my place again.

(I know the grammar and word usage in this entry is pretty bad but I just wanted to get something written down, so please excuse it.)

Amy Ryan's Doppleganger - Lili Taylor

2009-05-24T14:58:00.004-05:00

I watched SAY ANYTHING yesterday for the first time - ever! Loved it. One thing I've not been able to get out of my head though is how similar the Corey character looked like Amy Ryan. So, I looked them both up. I couldn't find photos from "back in the day" but I still think they look remarkably similar. What do you think?

Amy Ryan

Lili Taylor

2009 Atlanta Film Festival News Coverage

2009-04-24T08:52:00.004-05:00

Here are some clips from the various news sources during the festival.

Channel 2 Action News: http://www.wsbtv.com/video/19241497/index.html

CBS Atlanta: http://www.cbsatlanta.com/video/19237495/index.html?taf=lnta

Michael Ealy on CNN
http://ricksanchez.blogs.cnn.com/

Rich Robinson on Dave FM
http://maradavis.com/

Josh Brolin interview
http://www.examiner.com/x-956-Atlanta-Movies-Examiner~y2009m4d17-2009-Atlanta-Film-Festival-Josh-Brolin-interview-on-The-People-Speak

Other
http://www.examiner.com/x-956-Atlanta-Movies-Examiner~y2009m4d17-2009-Atlanta-Film-Festival-red-carpet-photos-Josh-Brolin-Howard-Zinn-Eddie-Vedder-and-more

http://projects.accessatlanta.com/gallery/view/entertainment/pearl-jam-film/

http://www.accessatlanta.com/music/content/music/stories/2009/04/16/pearl_jam_atlanta.html%3Fcxntlid%3Dthbz_hm

More to come........

ATLFF Staff visits SXSW

2009-03-15T12:01:00.001-05:00

So, a few of the Atlanta Film Festival staff is on hand at SXSW checking out some films and hanging with some filmmakers that will be coming to Atlanta in April. We thought we'd share some of the excitement and feedback from some of the movies screening in Austin (also showing at the Atlanta Film Festival in April), to give the Atlanta audience a hint at what's coming their way.

Here is a brief interview with "Beeswax" director, Andrew Bujalski, and its leading actress, Tilly Hatcher.

A little video

2009-03-08T00:23:00.002-05:00

So, I put together a short little video from our last Avant Garden. Avant Garden is a free monthly social-networking event hosted by The Atlanta Film Festival & The Contemporary Art Center. In February, we thought it might be fun to ask some folks about their favorite movie/star meltdown (a la Christian Bale).

"Mommy loves you."

2009-02-07T15:00:00.003-05:00

I watched the heart-wrenching documentary Dear Zachary last night. Nearly all of my coworkers had already seen it. Some came away angry, others heart-broken. I felt both of these emotions and left the movie thinking tragedies like this most likely happen more than we realize. The heroes of the story are Zachary's grandparents, David and Kathleen Bagby. Following the horrific crimes against their family they successfully fought the Canadian legal system and are making a difference, one little bit at a time.

Before I leave you with the trailer, the one aspect of the film that bothers me is how it might affect Shirley Turner's (the killer) other children. I'm curious to find out about them, if they've seen and what are their thoughts (as this doc was made specifically for their baby brother).

Kurt Kuenne has shown several of his movies at the Atlanta Film Festival, two of which screened last year (2008) - The Phone Book and Slow. We screened Validation in 2007.

All are really good shorts. Validation happens to be on YouTube, it's only 16 minutes:

Humpday

2009-01-21T22:32:00.003-05:00

I just wanted to share some good news about an Atlanta Film Festival alumna filmmaker, Lynn Shelton, who screened her second feature film, My Effortless Brilliance, at our festival last year (2008). Lynn's new film, Humpday, was accepted into Sundance this year and has turned out to be one of the festival's hot films. The film was bought by Magnolia! Go Lynn!

Here are a couple of blog reviews/interviews with Lynn about Humpday:

From IFC Interview: Lynn Shelton on "Humpday" Sunday, January 18, 2009 | 8:24 AM By Alison Willmore

If there were a prize for most outrageous premise at the 2009 Sundance Film Festival, Lynn Shelton's "Humpday" would be ahead of the pack. The film follows Ben ("The Puffy Chair"'s Mark Duplass) and Andrew ("The Blair Witch Project"'s Joshua Leonard), two hetero friends who on a drunken night out come up with a plan to shoot themselves having sex with each other as a submission to their local alt-weekly's annual amateur porn festival -- it's art, you see, and neither is willing to be the one to back down when sobered up the next day. For now, though, "Humpday" will have to settle for being Sundance's early buzz film, its mix of squirmingly uncomfortable comedy, painfully realistic dialogue and bittersweet exploration of the ins and outs of male friendship and adult relationships winning the love of audiences and potential distributors alike. I sat down with the Seattle-based Shelton, fresh off a meeting with one of the latter, to talk about homemade porn and best bromance.
(read more)

From Spout Blog HUMPDAY: Interview with Lynn Shelton
by Karina Longworth

We’re almost 48 hours into the 2008 Sundance Film Festival, and Humpday seems to be the biggest break-out hit thus far — and according to Mike Jones at Variety, it could very well soon become the first narrative film to sell during the duration of this year’s festival. Days before the film had its hugely successful Friday afternoon premiere, we published one of our preview interviews with director Lynn Shelton. Last night, post-unveiling, I caught up with Shelton to talk about working like Mike Leigh, her cinematic interest in dudes, and why she’s glad her first two films didn’t premiere at Sundance.
(read more)

Click here to read Karina's review of Humpday

(PS: My current profile photo was taken by Lynn Shelton at the Indie Memphis Film Festival in October 2008)

Please Vote For Me - on GPTV

2009-01-17T14:28:00.002-05:00

Last night, well more like very early this morning, I was flipping through the channels when I ran across this documentary titled, "Please Vote For Me." It was on Georgia Public Broadcasting, as part of the Independent Lens series.

The documentary follows around three grade school children in China, each of whom are running for class monitor. Remember, China is a Communist country - representative democracy (voting for someone to represent you) is not something with which they have experience. It's quite amazing the strategies these children employ and how invested they, and their families, become in this election. It's definitely worth the watch if you get the chance. To find your local PBS station and its TV schedule, click here.

Here is the trailer:

My take on Revolutionary Road and marriage

2009-01-11T23:10:00.004-05:00

Have you ever wondered what kind of life the Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio characters would've had if he hadn't died in Titanic? Well, Revolutionary Road provides one scenario. In fact, in this "what if" version, even the Kathy Bates character remains in their lives - there is a bit of a cast reunion in this film. I think Leonardo has finally developed a man's frame, whereas he was still boyish looking in Titanic and didn't quite match up with Kate's womanly curves. This pairing was much more plausible.

"Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage." - Ambrose Bierce

I read several reviews that didn't paint too favorable a picture of the movie. Nonetheless, I've never been one to let a critic keep me from seeing a flick, especially if it's by a director I like, like Sam Mendes. My favorite movie of his is American Beauty. There are some similarities in these two movies: "Hopeless emptiness" in and surrounding marriage. Revolutionary Road is much darker and gloomier, but I'm thinking that is because it's mainly set in an earlier time, sometime in the mid-fifties.

At first glance, the story looks like one of maybe a mismatched couple who argue a lot, got married too young, and can't realize alternatives exist from their tormented, suffocating relationship. The viewer feels uncomfortable and just wants the arguing to stop. You can't help imagining yourself in the situation and the choice(s) you'd make. To me, Choice is one of the main themes in the movie, and the main focus of this blog post.

"All our final decisions are made in a state of mind that is not going to last.” - Marcel Proust

Marriage. Definitely an institution one enters into by choice (hopefully). You make the decision as an individual, part of which you seemingly lose upon entry. No longer do all of the decisions you make just affect you, a lot also affects your spouse. Hopefully, in healthy relationships, decisions that affect the couple are made together, each given equal amount of weight. But what happens if one has more control or makes decisions without the other's consent and it directly impacts the other person? A lot of that happens in this movie, some of which I think is due to the time period (mid-fifties, women were homemakers, men were the breadwinners and decision makers). What if one feels controlled by the relationship? It's sort of a suffocating feeling - no room to breathe and be yourself. Panic can set in and a slippery slope of bad feelings, emotions, thoughts and action take over. Not fun!

“The one who loves the least, controls the relationship.” - Dr. Robert Anthony

Kate Winslet's character, April Wheeler, is a stay-at-home mother of two. She is a knockout compared to other wives and married to a handsome and successful man, Frank Wheeler. The Wheelers are the ideal couple in the neighborhood. The neighbors look longingly upon the couple, never suspecting what might be going on behind closed doors. April gave up her dream of being an actress once she became pregnant, married and moved into a quaint house in a quaint neighborhood. Furniture was bought, drapes were hung, one child came, then another. Day in, day out, same thing, over and over and over again. This had become April's life.

Likewise, Frank was underemployed and also in a rut. He took the train to work, sat, smoked and complained about "the machine" with his buddies. Bound by his responsibilities, Frank felt hopeless. April felt empty. Neither were happy. I don't think they were in love with each other anymore, but they also didn't wish the other any harm. They were more in habit than in love. Habits of hopeless emptiness created a need that only something external of themselves (individually and as a couple) could fulfill, some kind of something that lets them feel - truly feel - human, desired, sexual, autonomous.

“A thought, even a possibility, can shatter and transform us” - Friedrich Nietzsche

For a moment, hope meets that need. The couple decide to move to Paris. With enough money to support themselves for six months, they'll be able to find a place to live and settle into their new, exciting lives - the lives each of them has always wanted. Frank would study, or write, or do whatever he wanted. April would work - something she ached to do. During this hopeful time everything seemed better. Smiling happened daily. The couple shared hugs, touches, made love and had spontaneous passionate sex in the kitchen. This hopefulness, however, was short lived. Within a few weeks, April discovers she's pregnant and Frank gets offered a promotion. Choices have presented themselves and decisions have to be made, life-altering decisions.

What follows are actions both feel compelled to do. Each make independent decisions that directly affect each other's lives. I will stop here as to not spoil the movie for those who have not seen it.

“Life is never easy for those who dream.” - Robert James Waller

Marriage is difficult. Creating a strong and solid marriage while also trying to retain one's sense of self is tricky business. I don't know the secret to a strong successful marriage, but I do know what not to do.

1. Don't try to control anyone other than yourself. Doing so is a waste of time and your partner will resent you. In the end, you cannot control other people's behavior but you can control your reaction to their behavior.

2. Practice the Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

3. Don't try to change your partner into your idea of him or her. Accept your partner for who she, or he, is. It's more than likely that your partner is exactly the same as when you entered the relationship. What may have changed is your idea of what you want in a partner. Trying to change your partner into something he or she is not will destroy both of you, and your relationship. Accept that your expectations may have changed and act accordingly. If your partner has in fact changed, then accept that and decide on how to proceed.

4. Don't lose your sense of self. Remember that your partner fell in love with you, not with what he wanted you to change into after marriage (or, at least I hope this isn't the case), and vice versa.

5. Don't expect your partner to behave badly.

6. Don't allow things to fester.

7. Don't depend on your partner to make you happy. You are responsible for your own happiness. When you're happy, your partner will want to share in that happiness, creating even more happiness.

8. Don't focus on the negative. If problems exist, seek to solve them. If they cannot be resolved, decide if you can live with it or not and act accordingly.

9. Don't lose yourself. If you feel as though you are giving up much of who you are just to stay in the relationship, then it might be time reevaluate.

10. Don't forget that you always have a choice, in every situation.

I'd like to recommend a book: Viktor Frankl's , Man's Search for Meaning. Frankl, a physician by trade, was a concentration camp survivor and never forgot that he had choices, even if it was as simple as to how he reacted to being beaten by Nazis. I know closing this blog with that book recommendation sounds very depressing, but it's actually not a depressing book. It's one of courage and strength.

Thickburger Commercial Challenge following Burger King model

2009-01-11T14:54:00.005-05:00

Have you seen the commercial advertising Hardees' new Thickburger? It looks like this:

The commercial then asks the viewer if she thinks she can do a better job making Thickburger's next commercial and directs her to the web site. However, instead of letting the viewer actually create a true commercial for it and upload it, Hardees gives the user a space for a word or two of text and prefilled music selections. You change their existing commercial with "your" choices. Given a set amount of materials to work with, to me, this sounds more like "Have it your way" with our ingredients commercial.

Here is a link to my master creation: http://www.hardees.com/promotions/adgenerator/

Deadline to submit your film is Friday, Jan 9th!

2009-01-06T23:03:00.005-05:00

The Atlanta Film Festival's Final Submission Deadline is this Friday January 9th

5 Reasons to submit to Atlanta:

1. Others curate, we discover: Nearly 90% of the Atlanta Film Festival's official 2008 selections came from Withoutabox submissions.

2. Pink Peach Award - Committed to supporting LGBT filmmakers and films.

3. One of 2 dozen Academy Award Qualifying festivals in the United States. 2002 Best Live Action Short winner The Accountant qualified at the 2001 Atlanta Film Festival.

4. ATL Parties and Southern Hospitality

5. Nationally Respected Festival

"Great feature and shorts programming. An intimate festival...in the center of a dynamic city." - Rachel Goslins, Variety

"Best Film Festival," Creative Loafing, Sunday Paper, Atlanta Magazine, 10Best.com

"A must for movie buffs, this festival serves a feast of narrative driven movies, shorts, documentaries, and animation." --Atlanta Magazine

"The Atlanta Film Festival's Opening Night guarantees great film and a hip indie crowd" --Atlantan Magazine, "Arts and Power Issue"

Follow us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/atlantafilmfest

Visit our website: www.AtlantaFilmFestival.com

Wristcutters

2009-01-05T22:23:00.003-05:00

So, I watched WRISTCUTTERS on-Demand last night. It screened at Sundance in 2006 and was nominated for the Grand Jury Prize. It's a nice bizarre and kind of funny movie. I recommend it. If you have Comcast, it's free on-demand right now. Below is the trailer.

Then, today at work, we got into a debate about which way you're actually supposed to cut if you're going to "slit your wrists." Do you cut straight across the wrist or do you cut vertically, down the forearm. Two people said the latter, I argued that is was the former because you would want to get your artery, and it would be very difficult to get your artery cutting longways. After looking on the internet, there are arguments made for both. All of this was purely academic, of course.

Boy In The Striped Pajamas

2009-01-02T08:27:00.001-05:00

I saw this last night. It was very good but painful to watch. It's totally worth seeing.

Let The Right One In

2008-12-31T11:04:00.001-05:00

I saw this movie last night. It's good and different, but in a good way. You should see it.

Media Viewing Preferences

2008-12-29T19:25:00.000-05:00

A very hot topic on the festival circuit right now is alternative forms of distribution. Translated, this means - "What is the best way for your movie to be seen by the most amount of people?" Theatrical distribution for most films is not an option, and probably shouldn't be for a lot that do get it. Even if one does have a theatrical release of a film, distribution is still an area of great interest and concern, post its theater run. The goal is to get the film seen by as many eyes as possible while extending the life of the film. Currently, the hottest solution to this problem is digital distribution. This is basically online distribution with video on demand (VOD), via sites like YouTube, Hulu, Amazon, iTunes and Tivo. Digital media companies (ie: b-side, Cinetic Rights Management, and IndieFlix) assist filmmakers trying to secure digital rights for their films and offer the filmmaker an audience they would never get theatrically. The selling point is the ability to get the movie in front of eyes around the entire world - literally - via the aforementioned internet sites and various other mediums.

Online viewing is by far the easiest and possibly most cost-effective way to reach the masses. But, I honestly don't think online movie viewing (of feature films) is going to be very successful, when viewed from one's computer screen. I think this for a couple of reasons: 1) People prefer to watch feature-length movies with others (making it a shared experience) and, 2) The computer is an interactive device (which is counterintuitive to movie watching).

Movie Viewing is a Shared Experience
While people do watch movies alone, I feel like the preferred method is to do it with others. Entertainment (movies, plays, etc) is usually enjoyed in pairs - or more (a pair of tickets). Watching things with other people enhances the storytelling and story-receiving experience. When watching a show or movie with family and friends, it's common to look at each other after hearing the punchline of a joke, or after a tragic turning point. Watching alone removes that experience and sense of connection with the other person, or people, and possibly even from whatever it is being watched.

While online media sites like YouTube and iTunes work incessantly to improve the quality viewing (specifically for movies), in hopes more people will watch their content from their computers, they cannot change the viewer's environment. This is where TV and computers differ. TVs are created to go into rooms that allow for, and usually invite, multiple people. The computer monitor, is typically attached to a laptop (note the singularity of "lap") or a stationary desktop ( again, designed for a single user), designed for offices or work spaces - a much less friendlier environment for movie watching.

While computers now come equipped to watch DVD's and access the internet - enabling a laptop or PC to act as a TV - it is still primarily designed for a different purpose and for a single user. Having access to internet sites that allow the user to watch a movie online, streaming or via download, doesn't change the singularity of the event. How many times have you moved a chair over to a friend's computer monitor to watch a feature-length movie? Short movies, TV shows and user-generated snippets rule for online viewing.

Computer Monitors vs. TVs
Computer monitors/displays are attached to computers - which also come with a keyboards/mouse/printer, etc.. This is an interactive single-user device. The act of viewing a movie is meant to be a passive one, allowing the viewer to access the imagination via the story by simply watching and absorbing it. Watching a movie on a computer tempts the viewer with access to other items (email, Facebook, Twitter, blogs, etc) and subliminally suggests multi-tasking.

I don't know about you, but I find it difficult to just sit in front of laptop and not interact with it - even while watching something short. I can have multiple windows open at once and "multi-task." I can "watch" an old video clip of George Carlin on YouTube while I write a blog. This is not quality viewing. If I were a filmmaker, I would want the audience to be fully engaged in my movie, and not just look up when they hear story-altering music or laughter. While some people might be able to fully engage in an online feature without checking their email, or updating their Facebook status, I am not one of them (nor are most of the people I know). Dividing one's attention across multiple media at a single time compromises comprehension of the media being put out (movie) and also the ability to optimally perform the additional functions (email, letter, etc).

The Convergence of Interactive Media
In October, I blogged and reposted an article from the New York Times announcing that Netflix HD Streams Coming to XBox. The article's title aptly describes its contents. This is an example of an interactive product (XBox) converging with a non-interactive product (TV) and producing a desired result - shared movie watching experience.

Also in my post, I mentioned the HDTVs designed to stream online videos on-demand, without the additional use of a set-top box (ie: XBox, cable box, etc). The technology making this possible is tru2way. October ushered in Panasonic's first tru2way HDTV retail stores in Chicago and Denver. According to the press release, "These tru2way HDTVs will allow consumers to access all digital cable services such as electronic program guides and the full range of interactive and video-on-demand programming – all accessible directly via the television’s remote control - without the costs or clutter associated with a traditional external cable set-top box." This is a joint effort for Panasonic and Comcast.

So.....
Earlier this month I attended the International Film Festival Summit and listened to a panel discussion on this topic: Distribution Revolution or Evolution? , moderated by Mike Jones of Variety. The panel's conclusion (my takeaway): It's a toss up and the filmmaker needs to make his/her own decision based on what s/he thinks is best for the film.

A couple of weeks after the conference, Cinevegas' Roger Erik Tinch wrote a blog, "Distribution and Consumption in 2009," sharing his thoughts. His conclusion: "Ultimately it’s all about harnessing the speed, accessibility and virality of the internet to bring home viewing content back where it belongs: on the T.V."

I agree with Tinch. Shorts are fine to be loaded and viewed online in hopes of viral takeoff. Features should follow a different model. Online trailers are great and are necessary to inform, but the feature-length movie itself should be watched in comfort, with people paying full attention. If it's not in the theater, then the next best place is at home, on TV.

One of my goals for 2009 - Get Woody

2008-12-29T10:12:00.003-05:00

Instead of making a New Year's Resolution that would resolutely go unresolved, I've decided to set a couple of goals for myself. One goal: Watch all of Woody Allen's films.

According to IMDB, there are 39 (not including the one that just completed & not counting TV) films to see. Now, I'm trying to figure out a strategy in which to watch them: chronologically, ad hoc, etc... Any ideas or suggestions you might have will be gladly accepted and appreciated. Thanks to IMDB, below are all of his films (directed) from the most recent.

1. Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008)
2. Cassandra's Dream (2007) ... aka Rêve de Cassandre, Le (France)
3. Scoop (2006)
4. Match Point (2005)
5. Melinda and Melinda (2004)
6. Anything Else (2003)
... aka Anything else, la vie et tout le reste (France)
... aka Vie et tout le reste, La (France)
7. Hollywood Ending (2002)
8. The Curse of the Jade Scorpion (2001)
... aka Im Bann des Jade Skorpions (Germany)
9. Small Time Crooks (2000)
10. Sweet and Lowdown (1999)
11. Celebrity (1998)
12. Deconstructing Harry (1997)
13. Everyone Says I Love You (1996)
14. Mighty Aphrodite (1995)
15. Bullets Over Broadway (1994)
16. Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993)
17. Husbands and Wives (1992)
18. Shadows and Fog (1992)
19. Alice (1990)
20. Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989)
21. New York Stories (1989) (segment "Oedipus Wrecks")
22. Another Woman (1988)
23. September (1987)
24. Radio Days (1987)
25. Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
26. The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985)
27. Broadway Danny Rose (1984)
28. Zelig (1983)
29. A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy (1982)
30. Stardust Memories (1980)
31. Manhattan (1979)
32. Interiors (1978)
33. Annie Hall (1977)
34. Love and Death (1975)
... aka Guerre et amour (France)
35. Sleeper (1973)
36. Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask (1972)
... aka Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (USA: short title)
37. Bananas (1971)
38. Take the Money and Run (1969)
39. What's Up, Tiger Lily? (1966)

Another blogger, Sujewa Ekanayake (DIY Filmmaker Sujewa), turned me on to Good Small Films: A cinematic blog about Woody Allen, which turned out to be really cool. You should check it out.

Synecdoche, NY - or any other town where depression lives

2008-12-14T10:35:00.007-05:00

I'd been wanting to see Charlie Kaufman's latest movie, Synecdoche, NY, before it left the theaters and I finally did Friday night.

I write this blog without reading any other reviews of the movie. That said, I'm sure there are several points of the movie that I will miss - simply because of the film's complexity. The movie is existential at its core. The first theme I see in the movie is Nietzsche's thoughts on Eternal Reccurence. The overly simplistic premise of this theory is that time is infinite, but matter is finite. We are finite beings, and as opposed to actually dying and/or being reincarnated, one lives the same life over and over again (because there is a finite amount of matter - meaning us- in an infinite span of time). So, the takeaway here is: if your life is infinitely cyclical, make it the life you'd want to live again and again, forever.

The movie starts by dropping us into the lives of the Cotard family. Caden Cotard, played by Philip Seymour Hoffman, is an overweight, thirty something sycosis-suffering husband and father. Caden's wife, Adele, played by Catherine Keener, is an unhappy woman, around Caden's age, longing for a more bohemian-type lifestyle, or just some other life and lifestyle than she's currently living. The couple share a four-year-old daughter, Olive, who suffers from her own obsession with the color of her poop, but still oddly enough appears to be somewhat of a normal kid. The family is an artistic one - Caden a live-theater director and Adele a painter. The couple seem to be on a continual search of something other than what they have, although neither know what it is they want.

We attend a regularly scheduled marriage-counseling session with Caden and Adele. Caden sits on the left side of the couch in somewhat of an upright position while Adele is on the right side, slouched down and leaning over the side - illustrative of any 15 year old teenager forced into therapy that she "obviously" doesn't need. Adele confesses to the therapist, played by Hope Davis, that she's fantasized about Caden dying so that she can start over again without feeling guilty. Caden doesn't appear shocked by the confession. We know their separation/divorce is inevitable and kind of hope for it, so both of these people can experience some sort of long-term happiness.

Caden wraps rehearsals of his latest apt production, Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman, and returns home to share the accomplishment with Adele. Adele is happy for Caden, but informs him that she will not be able to attend opening night due to another engagement. Caden is clearly disappointed. It's obvious that Adele does care for Caden and vice-versa, but you realize that it's only a legal relationship at this point. Adele does manage to make it to the second night of the play, but it lacked the specialness of opening night. Hazel, the box-office attendant, played by Samantha Morton, readily and eagerly fills the vacancy on opening night. The two share a mutual attraction but Caden remains committed to his emotionally absent Adele.

The table turns when Caden is anticipating a trip to Berlin with Adele and Olive, where Adele will premiere her latest artwork. As the couple huddle over their kitchen bar for breakfast, Adele announces that she thinks only she and Olive should travel to Berlin. Caden is somewhat taken aback and Adele apologizes for hurting his feelings. Adele leaves with Olive and we are left with Caden, and all of his pustules - literally. Here is where the movie changes and somewhat resembles Being John Malkovich, also written by Charlie Kaufman.

Time passes but Caden doesn't seem to notice. He receives a fellowship grant that will allow him to produce his magnum opus. He rents a huge "stage" large enough to hold a city, which is a good thing because that is exactly what Caden proceeds to build, albeit unintentionally. Caden starts pre-production of his play, which he never titles although he tosses around lots of potential titles. The problem is that the play is only a reproduction of his life with Adele. Life continues to happen around and to Caden and he even thinks he's actively engaged in it, but he is not. (For example, Caden finds himself in a relationship with an actress named Claire, played by Michelle Williams, but only mechanically - he's not at all enganged in the relationship - even though the two produced a daughter, Ariel, whom he often calls Olive.) He is on an unknowingly mission to find the vanishing point in his and Adele's life. The actors in his plays take on the earlier life of Caden and Adele, but only starting at the point in which we are dropped into the picture. The movie continues to evolve like this and eventually catches up to itself and then surpasses it, with actors portraying Caden and the others involved in his life moving directly in front of Caden and the real "others" in his life. The movie ends when Caden becomes the directed instead of the director.

So many things happen between the time Adele leaves Caden and the end of the movie. It would take me several days, perhaps weeks, to intelligently write about the many complex layers in the movie so I will only focus on just the one. First, meet Sammy Barnathan - a very odd man who we see early on in the movie but don't find out that he is a real person (as opposed to someone in Caden's imagination, for example) until Caden is casting for his masterpiece. Sammy, claiming not to be an actor, auditions for the role of Caden and admits to following Caden around for years, taking notes. He knows the way Caden thinks and can accurately anticipate and predict Caden's actions and reactions.

Second, note that Hazel is still around. Granted after giving up on Caden ever reciprocating her feelings, she moved on, bought a house (that stayed on fire during the entire movie), married a decent man and had three boys (although she only admits to having twins). However, several years pass and Hazel loses her job at the box office and calls on Caden. She is once again sucked into Caden's controlling vortex and ends up losing her husband and children, although she doesn't seem too disturbed by it.

Caden proceeds to develop his play and uses cast members to portray himself, Claire, Ariel, extras in his real life and eventually Hazel. The only two people not cast are Adele and Olive. He is recreating his life and when one thing doesn't seem as it should, he starts from the beginning again. This is the rehearsal that never ends - hence, the Eternal Recurrence reference above. The characters (real and projected) age. However, they never evolve into anything other than themselves. What's interesting is that the actors playing the real people (ie: Sammy and the actress playing Hazel) actually begin to make their own decisions outside of the rehearsal. For example, Sammy and the actress playing Hazel actually do get together and truly enjoy each other's company, but Caden gets jealous and tries to intervene. Naturally, Hazel submits to Caden's advances and loses Sammy. This is where the play catches up to itself and changes again.

In an effort to wrap this very long blog and not scare away future readers, I will say this: Go see the movie. Then see it again, and then a couple more times. Charlie Kaufman spent years preparing the script and then shooting the movie and crafting it just right. The least we can do is spend a few hours watching it, a few more hours thinking about it, and then hopefully a lifetime seeing how it applies to our lives.

Think about Eternal Recurrence. If you are doomed to live your life over and over again, what things would you change right now?

I leave you with the trailer:

For the love of puppies

2008-11-22T13:48:00.010-05:00

So, Mike has been fostering a beagle dog and her four little pups for the past three weeks or so. They are so cute. Luckily, the canines all already have homes but they all just needed a place to stay until the pups are six weeks old, so they can travel to NYC. Mike got a call from the lady who had told us about the pups we rescued a few months ago asking if he'd be willing to foster them because homes had been found for them, but they were currently in an animal control center and about to euthanized. Since they had homes, he agreed. A volunteer got them from animal control and brought them to the house.

The mother's name is Georgia and each one of her pups have been given names of cities from Georgia. For example, Savannah is one the female pups' name. I don't know all of the names (apparently this was already done when Mike got them). But they're very cute. See for yourself:

I know there is a problem with pet overpopulation, but I hate that animal control centers euthanize animals so indiscriminately - doesn't matter the type, age, background, circumstance, etc - if an animal is in the center for X amount of days/hours it gets put down. If it weren't for animal rescue groups, a lot of these animals would've died and missed out on living a happy, healthy and purposeful life -- improving the quality of life of a senior, helping a physically challenged person with daily living, and/or making a family feel complete. Animal control does not take any steps to help relocate the animal or to see if the animal might actually be a lost pet.

I'm glad there are animal rescue groups exist, but I think it's also our responsibility as pet owners and pet lovers to do our part in reducing pet over population. Be sure to get your pet spayed or neutered. If you have neighbors or friends who need help with this, give it (spaying/neutering) to them as a gift. We've had several neighborhood strays spayed/neutered. There are many affordable ways to get animals (including the "at-risk" neighbor's "pet") "fixed." A couple places to check out are: SPAY - USA and the American Humane Society.

With the holidays approaching, a lot of people will be giving puppies or kittens as a gift, including our new President-elect. Please considering adopting from your local animal control center and encourage others to do the same. (Please note that sometimes there is a difference between an animal control center and an animal shelter.) Most animal control centers are funded by the local government whereas a lot of animal shelters are nonprofit organizations, funded by individual donors and/or grants. Please start your search at your local animal control center (this is where they euthanize the animals if they are not adopted within X amount of time), then move to your local animal shelter if you are unable to find the pet that meets your needs.

Other possible gifts are time (through volunteerism) and money/supplies. There are several ways to volunteer your time: 1) become a foster home for a pet in transition, 2) help out at a local shelter - great opportunity for family volunteer time and giving back to the community or, 3) help a rescue group by trying to locate homes for displaced pets. Shelters are in continual need of money and supplies. If you have resources but no time, write a check to a local no-kill animal shelter and/or drop off a load of supplies (be sure to call and see what their specific need is at the time), most of the time the donations are tax deductible - based on the shelter. Below are a few links you might find helpful:

Please feel free to add your own links that you think others might find helpful.

Articulation

2008-11-18T20:59:00.004-05:00

I haven't blogged in a long time. I need to write more because I'm noticing that since I've cut down on my blogging, I'm having more difficulty expressing myself. I know some might object to that statement since I don't seem to have a problem sharing my opinion, so I'll clarify it this way -- articulately expressing myself. It's so much easier to express oneself in writing because the writer can take her time and edit craft statements and opinions. Verbal expression is much less thoughtful yet assigned the same weight.

Yesterday, I rented the first season of Twin Peaks. I know it came out in 1990, but for some reason I seemed to have not been involved with mainstream society in the late 80's and early 90's. I remember people talking about Twin Peaks, but I have no recollection of even having access to it. I've watched the first two episodes. The second one was very good - lots of great one-liners. The first episode started with a "previously on Twin Peaks" clip which I thought was odd since I'm watching the first season. Was there a movie or something that was a prequel to the TV show?

I also rented Fellini's "8 1/2." I recently watched Woody Allen's "Stardust Memories" and LOVED it! So, 8 1/2 was suggested to me. Eventually, I'd like to write a blog about the both of them.

I'll stop here. Hopefully this short post will give me the blogging jump start I need to pick up blogging on a regular basis again.

Vroom, Vroom, Vroom

2008-10-24T20:26:00.013-05:00

So, today Gabe and I got to go to the Atlanta Motor Speedway, as part of a Metro Atlanta Chamber of Commerce event, sponsored by Office Depot. Unlike my mother, I've never been a Nascar fan. I've been to drag races and a demolition derby (which was pretty fun), but neither of those were on my own volition - I was always just tagging along. Likewise, had the Chamber not been holding their monthly networking event at the PepBoys Auto 500, I also would not have attended this. But, I am so glad I did. I really had a great time.

When we first arrived, we saw many RV's and people were camping out in the parking lots, with their portable TVs and lawn chairs. We found our assigned parking lot and proceeded to the gate. There is this moat, a moat of sponsors, basically surrounding the entrance to the speedway itself. Various sponsor tents piped music out to the crowd - it was like dueling rock songs. Gabe even recognized Harvey Danger.

Once inside, we made our way to the pedestrian tunnel that led to the infield (which is quite an envied area to be in, I understand). We saw several more RVs along with many racers' buses and trailers that carefully transport the multi-sponsor racing cars. Office Depot, who sponsors Carl Edwards (#99), had a nice tent with food and free samples. (I love me some free goodies!)

Outside the tent was a mock #99's race car. Also on hand was one of the best things EVER! A Nascar driving simulator! Three people could get in the Nascar Sprint Experience simulator and race at a time. You raced against each other, and 22 other simulated cars. Right off the bat I immediately spun out and got turned around. Once I got turned around and made it back on the track I did okay. I placed 21st out of 22. Gabe came in after me. ;) Yes, that made me very happy. In all fairness, the simulator was a bit odd and it felt almost like you were driving something that was in the air, not like a car on a road. It was a lot of fun.

After racing, we went back in the tent because they were having drawings - with various prizes. I sat down and wasn't really paying attention, because I never win anything, but I heard Gabe say that they were going to call my name. I didn't believe him, but sure enough they did. I won two Grand Stand tickets to Sunday's race! Knowing how big of a Nascar fan my mother is, I texted her and told her the good news. I'm not going to be in town on Sunday, so I'm giving the tickets to her. She's so excited.

It was time to head out to the track because the cars were about to start driving for the qualifying race. We walked back through the pedestrian tunnel and headed up to the grandstands. The cars were lining up. Then, one by one, each car took off with such a force. We stood close to the fence that surrounded the track. The first car that came by was so loud and SO fast! I, intellectually, knew that the cars went fast - 180-200mph, but I was shocked seeing the cars speed by me. I felt the vibration from the cars. I have to say, I was so amazed and amused and excited. It was really spectacular. I had no idea how exhilarating it was. I'm sure I'd get bored with it all after an hour or so, but the short time we watched the qualifying was terrific.

So, thank you, Office Depot and Metro Atlanta Chamber of Commerce!

iPhone Limitations - Know Before You Buy

2008-09-24T18:44:00.004-05:00

I was one of the ones who drank the Kool-Aide, or bought the Heineken, or however you want to say it. I was dazzled by the iPhone and had an opportunity to get one of the new iPhone 3G's, along with several of my coworkers. While I don't hate it, it has several limitations that my "old phone" did not.

Bad things about the iPhone:
1. You can't forward a text message
2. You can't receive a photo in your text message
3. You can take a photo and send it to someone else's phone (you can send it to an email address)
4. It does not have video recording capability
5. The battery dies quickly - especially if you actually use your iPhone
6. It's service is exclusive to AT&T, (and I've not been at all impressed with the coverage, since switching from Verizon)

Good things about the iPhone:
1. Internet capability is great
2. Mobile applications can be added that are great (ie: Twitter, Facebook, Sportacular, Movies and Shazam)
3. YouTube
4. Retrieving and syncing email
5. The maps application actually acts very similar as GPS

TIFF '08 - Day 6 - Slummin' to a Revolution

2008-09-10T23:59:00.003-05:00

It's Wednesday and I'm already kind of sad to be leaving Toronto on Friday, but also kind of ready to get back home. Weird how all that works.

I started the day early and had to get to Sutton Place Hotel for a meeting with a young lady who requested to meet with me, and ask questions about submitting films to festivals. She works as a Canadian consultant to filmmakers, helping them to decide which festival might be appropriate for their film, marketing strategies and so forth. These are important questions and points that filmmakers need to ask themselves. Blindly submitting your film to as many festivals as possible isn't smart and it can be a costly venture. You should definitely research festivals and look at the types of films they screen, requirements (ie: premiere status, formats, etc), and lots of other things. A resource filmmakers might want to check out is "Film Festival Secrets" by Christopher Holland, due out October 2008.

The first movie of the day was WENDY AND LUCY, starring Michelle Williams (the late Heath Ledger's ex-wife and his baby momma). This movie was very well done, purposely slow, and Williams' performance was great. It's a story of a young woman and her dog (Lucy), down on her luck, traveling to Alaska in search of a new start at life. Strapped for money, we watch her make a decisions that lead to disproportionate consequences, which are a pretty realistic reflection of current society. Directed by Kelly Reichardt, the film runs 80 minutes long. While it's a nicely done film, I believe it could be cut in half to 40 minutes (without losing its nuance and sentiment) and actually have a nice shot at a nomination for the Academy Award (especially given the nominated narrative shorts last year).

Next was lunch before getting in line for SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE (which is an excellent name for a rock band). I've eaten pizza numerous times already and today was no different. We found a nice little Italian place with a patio and had some pizza. Mike had visited the Royal Ontario Museum earlier, while I watched my movie. He said the museum was fantastic.

The next movie on the agenda was at 3:00pm at the Ryerson. The Ryerson theater is located on the campus of Ryerson University and holds a massive number of people, close to like 600, which seems to always fill to capacity during the screenings. The screen is also massive, so it actually works. This is also where the midnight madness screenings are held.

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE is Danny Boyle's new flick. A couple other films that he's done are TRAINSPOTTING and 28 DAYS LATER. This was probably the most interesting, colorful and unique film that I've seen so far in Toronto. The story is about an Indian (dot not feather) boy from the slums who made it on the game show "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire." What follows is a colorful account of his life lessons of hard knocks that provides him with some, or all of the, answers to the difficult questions asked during the game show. Had I just read that this movie was about a boy on a game show, I doubt I would've seen it. I'm so glad I didn't know much about it going in. The movie was a huge hit in Telluride and Dan pushed me to see it. So glad I did! (By the way, this was not the screening where Roger Ebert was whacked by a person in front of him.)

We had a few hours before the final screening of the day and decided to walk over and see the CN Tower, the famous one that looks like the Seattle Space Needle. Below are a few photos.

The final screening of the night was Steven Soderbergh's CHE (part 2), starring Benicio Del Toro. This movie is broken into two parts, although should probably be watched together. The problem is that no one wants to sit through a four and a half hour movie. The movie is a biopic about Che Guevara, the revolutionary primarily responsible for Fidel Castro's successful coup d'etat of U.S.-backed Cuban dictator Fulgencio Batista. Part two of the movie is well done but somewhat slow - it focuses on Che's revolutionary mission in Bolivia. Part one (which we will be seeing tomorrow) spotlights Che's actions in Cuba - so we're seeing it backwards.

Steven Soderbergh, Benicio Del Toro, and Lou Diamond Phillips were all at the screening. Below are some photos.

TIFF '08 - Day 5 - Gotta love porn!

2008-09-09T23:00:00.002-05:00

I started off the day with SUT. This is a Turkish film about a boy and his mother, both confronting the traditional and contemporary ways to live life. The opening scene of this movie was fantastic! It's one of the most stunning openings I've seen in a long time. It's all v-e-r-y s-l-o-w m-o-v-i-n-g from there. I ended up leaving because life's too short.

I was really looking forward to seeing ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO today at the Elgin Theatre. The movie started at 3:00pm so that meant we needed to be in line no later than 2:00pm to get any kind of a good seat. We got to the theater right at 2:00pm and the line was already wrapped around the block. People in Atlanta think they've seen a line......they haven't seen anything! And, all of the people in line are completely used to it and consider it part of their festival experience. Interesting.

The movie was funny! It stars Seth Rogan and Elizabeth Banks (neither of whom were able to attend the screening). Also in the cast are Craig Robinson (from The Office), Traci Lords, Jason Mewes, and Katie Morgan [who has a hot little HBO On-Demand Late Night Special series of Sex Toys (which I watched in its entirety - for blogging research purposes only, of course) and Porn 101]. Kevin Smith, Jason Mewes, and Katie Morgan were on hand for a Q&A after the screening. Kevin was his usually funny self and provided the audience with a couple great stories. This movie is due to hit theaters October 31st, but recently received the kiss of death - a NC-17 rating from the MPAA. So, here is the red-band trailer.

We finished the evening by watching MEDICINE FOR MELANCHOLY, a film by Barry Jenkins. This film was good and reminded me a lot of the kind of movie Spike Lee would've done (if he hadn't tried to venture off into wherever he is now). The story is about a couple who wake up and meet after having a one-night-stand. The audience follows them through the next 24 hours and we watch them get to know each other (as do we), in an effort to provide some sort of meaning for the affair instead of making it a cheap, drunken mistake. Jenkins was able to touch on race and relationships here in a very successful and not "in-your-face" sort of way. This film was recently selected to kick off Independent Film Week in NYC on Monday, September 15th. Below is the trailer.

More photos from TIFF '08:

Cheech & Chong! (Zack and Miri screening)

Kevin Smith Introducing Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Kevin Smith

Kevin and Cast

Love this!

****Update**** Zack and Miri Make a Porno is rated R. It was originally given an NC17 rating but Kevin Smith and the Weinstein Company appealed and won the dispute. Read more here: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=63831867&blogID=424468543.

TIFF '08 - Day 4 - Gimme Some Sugar

2008-09-09T00:18:00.002-05:00

I saw my favorite TIFF movie today (so far) - Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck's, SUGAR. Miguel "Sugar" Santos is a baseball player living in the Dominican Republic trying to get scouted by a major league team in the states. He gets his wish when he's asked to report to spring training camp and then lands a starting pitching position with The Swing, a minor league team in Bridgewater, Iowa. The film does an excellent job showing the difficulties of being a fish out of water - Sugar was plucked (albeit voluntarily) from his small shanty, where he lived with his family, friends and girlfriend, and placed in an all-white, Christian farm community. Even though the old couple who take him in are kind and sincere, they're no replacement for Sugar's family and friends. What follows is Sugar's struggle with his current situation, his hopes and dreams of the future and the decisions he makes as a result.

The compelling story drives the movie from the onset. IT'S ALL ABOUT THE STORY! Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck are the creative team behind HALF NELSON, one of my other all-time favorite movies. While Sugar isn't as fragile of a film as Half Nelson, Boden and Fleck are successful with character development, story structure, editing and cinematography. Boden was the editor on Sugar and Half Nelson and she is wonderful at it. The duo also teamed up with the same shooter they used in Half Nelson. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Well, it definitely ain't broke for Boden and Fleck. Sugar will have a theatrical release sometime this year.

I started the day off with YOUSSOU NDOR: I BRING WHAT I LOVE. This was a wonderful documentary about the very politically controversial, African, Muslim, Grammy winning musician Youssou Ndor. While the film is a tad too long, it is very inspirational and captivating. There's also something very evocative about African music and drumming - although this one is more Muslim centered. Youssou played at Amnesty International Live 8 concert and has some collaborations with Peter Gabriel, shown in the film.

The middle movie of the day was Larry Charles' RELIGULOUS, with Bill Maher. This is Bill's and Larry's attempt at a fair, but skeptical, look at the three main religions (Christianity, Islam, and Judaism). Naturally, cynicism and sarcasm are the main attractions to this film and there's a lot of it. The film feels a little Michael Moorish at times, but it seems to recover nicely. Don't go into this movie thinking you are going to be enlightened on the ways of religion. Only go see this movie if you are a skeptic, like sarcasm, are familiar with and like Bill Maher, and aren't easily offended (when it comes to mocking/questioning the logic religion).

Random photos from Toronto:

A four-seat stroller (with babies in them!)

Condom Shack (I should've shown this to lady above)

TIFF '08 - Day 3 (for me)

2008-09-08T16:43:00.008-05:00

I started the day off with ME AND ORSON WELLES. I liked this little movie. It's Richard Linklater's new film and stars Zac Efron and Christian McKay (who really steals the movie). This is a period piece, set in 1937, before Welles' Oscar winning movie, Citizen Kane. Efron's character, a wannabe actor, stumbles upon Welles one day and manages to impress Orson with his quick wit and cockiness (two traits Welles has perfected). The story describes the ups and downs that comes when working with a visionary genius. Claire Danes plays the love interest (of all involved) and portrays what it was like for a woman back in the day.

Me and Orson Welles was shown in the new AMC Theatre at Dundas Square. I really wish we had something like this in Atlanta (and no, Atlantic Station doesn't do it).

Mike arrived in Toronto in the late afternoon, so today was my day to start watching more mainstream movies. So, on the agenda was THE WRESTLER, starring Mickey Rourke, directed by Darren Aronofsky. Yes, you read that correctly, Mickey Rourke, and let me just say that I wouldn't be surprised he scored an Oscar nomination. Rourke plays a washed-up wrestler barely living paycheck to paycheck, trying to hold on to the bare threads of fame created in the eighties. He was known as Randy "The Ram," and even had an action figure. (Hulk Hogan comes to mind here - although I think he's more successful.) Marisa Tomei stars as an older (30 something) stripper, Cassidy, just trying to raise her son. The similarities in their lives are obvious and the two do a great job together on the screen. (Plus, Tomei is practically naked throughout the entire movie.) Evan Rachel Wood comes in as Randy's estranged daughter, Stephanie. My only problem with the film is that this storyline might be superfluous, but it still doesn't detract from the film enough to matter. I just learned that Fox Searchlight picked up this film today (Monday). So, look for it in theaters sometime soon.

The Wrestler was shown in Toronto's famous Elgin Theatre, and there were stars everywhere. And, no, I'm not above gawking and taking photos - I'm completely on that level (just so I can share it with you). ;)

Elgin Theatre (aka: Visa Screening Room)

Director and cast, sans Marisa Tomei (Rourke looked like a complete train wreck)

Mark Ruffalo (in town for The Brothers Bloom)

Mark Ruffalo talking to Julian Schnabel

Adrian Brody

Yes, Marilyn Manson, who was with Evan Rachel Wood, showing lots of PDA. YUCK!

The last movie of the evening was MIRACLE AT ST. ANNA. Let me start off by stating that I like Spike Lee, but this movie was a complete and utter mess. No offense, but it's a freakin' MIRACLE that a producer/production company actually signed off on this script, much less ponied up the money to produce it. It's way too long, I didn't care about the characters, the symbolism was way over the top, too many storylines that almost immediately lost my interest, and a few Paul Thomas Anderson moments (long scenic shots with loud momentous score), without the climax. This movie needs serious fixing before anymore eyes are thrust upon it. But, I haven't lost faith in Spike. I just hope he (as the parent of this baby), can recognize its deformities and take it to the proper surgeon for reconstruction.

TIFF '08 - Day 2 (for me)

2008-09-06T21:29:00.003-05:00

I overslept this morning. I guess I was just exhausted from getting up early yesterday, traveling and then walking all over Toronto.

I started my day by attending a panel at the Match Club that talked about alternative distribution, specifically digital (which is what Cinetic pushes). The panelists were Matt Dentler (former SXSW producer) and Janet Brown from Cinetic Rights Management. They were interviewed by Shane Smith, who is the executive producer of inflight entertainment at Spafax. It was pretty interesting, especially given the state of film (independent or not) right now - getting theatrical distribution is tough and expensive. The straight to DVD (and now digital) model doesn't hold the same negative connotations it once held. So many people have HD TVs in their home, and a lot have stereo/surround sound, making it a much better visual experience than going to some theaters. I personally enjoy seeing movies on the big screen, but I do like to have options. Having options was exactly what this panel was all about. Thinking about alternative distribution early on in the project is advised. Sites like Hulu.com, iTunes, and YouTube can all show feature-length films and reach across the world, via marketing and virally.

I saw a few movies today, but didn't really like any of them. They were okay, but none just blew me away.

I went to see Firaaq, but ended up leaving (along with several others). I didn't think the acting was that good and couldn't get into the story because of it.

Then came UNIVERSALOVE, which was beautifully shot. It had somewhat of a BABEL feel to it, with several stories happening at the same time, and all involving love in some sort of way.

My last movie of the night was a French film, UNSPOKEN. I really wanted to like this movie. It does a nice job of introducing the characters to the audience just through the shots, without any kind of dialog. You later learn a lot more about the couple's life, the loss they're suffering and wish they would just talk to each other - hence the title. The movie was too slow, but an excellent example of shot progression.

TIFF '08 - Day1

2008-09-05T22:07:00.011-05:00

Well, I've always wanted to go to the Toronto Film Festival and today I got my wish. Dan and I landed in Toronto around 1:45pm. We grabbed our luggage, rode the bus to the subway and then went to our respective hotels. After dropping our bags we met back up at the Sutton Place Hotel, which is the festival headquarters. I registered, picked up my badge and found Dan in the industry computer lounge. What follows is my day in pictures. So exciting!! (for me, anyway)

I saw this ad in the onflight magazine and loved it!

Dan is declaring NOTHING!

Welcome!

Subway station monitor is running ads promoting Toronto Film Festival.

View from my hotel room window! Awesome!

Industry Computer Hook-up - Carpe WiFi!!!

Fuel!

Movie break. We saw HUNGER. It was good, but sometimes difficult to watch because of brutal violence.

Bright Lights

City Nights

No Rice-A-Roni here.

Didn't your Momma tell you not to drive your car on the table?!

Wha? (Why?)

Maybe we should build some bridges with this china.

Lots of HOT spots.

And lots of HOT girls in short shirts and high heels!

That's it for tonight. A panel, a few movies and lots of cool peeps.....that's on tomorrow's agenda. Peace out!

Social Networking to Safety

2008-09-01T21:58:00.006-05:00

I logged onto MySpace tonight and saw this message:

I haven't seen anything like this on Facebook, at the time of this posting.

I just find it quite interesting.

2009 Atlanta Film Festival Countdown Widget

2008-08-30T11:54:00.002-05:00

Get this widget!

Would/Should Don Draper be a blogger?

2008-08-12T20:20:00.006-05:00

I had an argument with a friend yesterday....it's really pretty silly, if you think about it--but aren't most arguments? To protect the identity of my friend, I will change his gender and exchange the "b" in his name with a "y." I accused my friend, Gaye, of having double standards, because when she writes a blog, she tells me about it almost instantly (which I take as my cue to read the blog as soon as possible), however, when the tables are turned and I write a blog, she might read it in several days or weeks, or may not even read it all. After some dramatic dialogue, she claimed that she doesn't care if anyone ever read her blogs. I asked her why she even wrote a blog then, and she claimed to write blogs just to fulfill her need to write. So, this got me thinking.

Why do we blog? I'm not as selfless as Gaye. I write blogs to express myself, but in all honesty, I guess I'm hoping someone will read it and be amused, or touched, or mad, or whatever. I find blogging a good way to express my thoughts, query people's opinions and interact, and also to just unload some burdens. Writing in a private or personal journal doesn't really do it for me, because sometimes I think I actually need to know that someone knows how I feel or think--be it pathetic or not. In the end, I think blogging serves as some sort of indirect way to validate existence and assigns meaning to your life, thoughts and feelings.

Carrying things is tough. Having the ability to express and expose yourself can be liberating--it can help you through many things. Thinking about this reminded me of a conversation I had with Mike recently, regarding the lead character from Mad Men, Don Draper. Mike had mentioned how difficult it must be for him to carry all of his secrets (his past, his current affairs, the stress from his job, etc). I thought about this and wondered if Don would be a blogger (had it been around in 1960). Then I started thinking about just exactly how he does carry all that weight. I think this is the reason he has various affairs and sneaks out of the office to see movies. Those are the outlets that allow him to express and expose the various sides of himself.

If you haven't started watching Mad Men, I highly recommend it. It comes on Sunday nights at 11pm on AMC. It's also on Comcast On-Demand.

The Letting Go

2008-08-10T11:14:00.002-05:00

I don't really know where to begin this blog, so I'll just start in the middle. As I was walking this morning, I was thinking about my life and all of the changes that have happened over the past year or two. There really have been a lot--my mother-in-law passed away, my daughter left home, my son had a daughter (then moved in and just recently moved out), I finished my MBA, started a new career, moved away from my home and husband into Atlanta (closer to my job), met a lot of new people and developed new friendships. That's just a rough synopsis - but still quite a bit of stuff.

My natural inclination is to want to be in control, Type A personality I guess. I get depressed time and again because things don't work out the way I think they should or want them to--even when I know it's probably for the best. I try to turn to the great thinkers like Nietzsche, Camus and other Existentialists I fell in love with in college. Reading them helped me through many a tough times and lonely nights. Melissa Etheridge also came through for me with her great lyrics. I'm still going through some pretty major changes in my life.....which I might mention in a future blog, but I'm at that very difficult stage where the letting go needs to happen....and it's just so damn hard.

In college, I studied some eastern religions and was really attracted to Hinduism--not so much its religious tenets (ie: reincarnation, Brahman, pantheism), but the path to enlightenment was very attractive. Besides the Upanishads, the Bhagavad Gita was by far my favorite Hindu text. It read like a story (even though one must read it many times to decipher all of the meanings--and maybe also have a supplemental reader nearby). To be overly simplistic, the main piece of advice to reach enlightenment was through detachment--from the material world. Basically, it's the letting go--of everything--that will allow one to transcend into the higher realm of existence. But, the letting go is the hardest part. That's where I am right now (not on my way to enlightenment, just along my life path).

I'm able to see many things and have managed to push myself far enough away to draw somewhat objective opinions of things and situations--certain outcomes with various people in my life. Now I'm just stuck at that letting go phase. I need to let go but it's the hardest part. I know it'll come, but until then, I'm just kind of stuck--right in the middle, and it's not any fun. Anyway, to wrap this little story, I'll close with some Melissa Etheridge. She (and Krishna) have helped me through times like this before, so I'm counting on them again. (BTW, my philosophy professor would probably have a shit fit for me assigning equal therapeutic weight to Melissa Etheridge and the Gita--so it's our little secret.)

Weakness In Me

Stronger Than Me

The Letting Go (I don't like the video, but there weren't very many choices)

Swing Vote

2008-08-03T19:36:00.001-05:00

I saw Swing Vote last night. It wasn't a horrible movie, but it wasn't anything wonderful either. It was a good little "throw-away movie." The movie centers around the importance of a single. Kevin Costner's character, Bud, is set to determine the next president due to a voting machine error. The outcome of the election (and future of the free world) is placed in his hands. Problem is, Bud is an uneducated wastrel and father to a child who acts as his parent. The child, Molly, is played by Madeline Carroll who does a great job. (I'm sure we will see her in a lot more movies.)

Since there was a voting machine error, the law requires that the voter be given a chance to recast his ballot. However, doing so holds up the election, causing the candidates to move their base of operations to Bud's front yard. A lot of wining and dining is done by each candidate in an effort to persuade Bud to vote for the respective candidates. As Bud voices his impulsive thoughts on "the issues," the candidates respond with campaign commercials and grandstanding, trying to show Bud how the candidate agrees with his point of view. The candidates' positions end up flipping, where the Republican candidate starts looking more like a Democrat and vice versa. However, the political ads end up being the best part of this movie (besides Madeline's acting job).

This campaign ad is by the Democratic nominee, Donald Greenleaf (Dennis Hopper), in response to Bud's stating that he likes life, after being asked if he was "pro life or pro choice." It's clear in the movie that Bud has no opinion because he doesn't understand the difference between the two choices. The commercial is Greenleaf's reply to Bud's "like's life" response.

In a similar vein, Bud is concerned with "In Sourcing," the bringing in of Mexicans to work in the plants and take the jobs of the home-town boys. Below is Greenleaf's immigration response to "in sourcing."

On the flip side, the Republican incumbent, Preside Boone (Kelsey Grammer), demonstrates his campaign's stance on equality for Gay America.

Again, I don't think this movie is a total waste of time and money, but I'd put it on the rental list.
Swing Vote Trailer:

Political Campaign Parodies from SWING VOTE

2008-08-03T08:38:00.006-05:00

Scrabulous returns to Facebook as 'Wordscraper' with circular board

2008-07-31T14:45:00.001-05:00

WAHOO!!!!!! (emphasis mine)

By Michael Hatamoto, BetaNews

July 31, 2008, 2:41 PM

After being officially removed from Facebook less than two days ago due to a legal threat from Scrabble maker Hasbro, Scrabulous has returned to the social network site with a new name and visual changes.

Dubbed "Wordscraper," the Facebook application is technically a new word game, but it retains certain similarities to the now defunct Scrabulous.

There are several different visual changes to the board, with the square tiles now being redesigned as circular tiles making the board look fairly different from a regular Scrabble game. The most interesting feature of Wordscraper is a user's ability to customize the board for each new game they want to play.

The custom board can be made to look like a regular Scrabble game, although the brothers behind the service will likely be safe legally, because it is up the users to make the change.

The rest of the article can found here.

Sleeping with the King......

2008-07-26T23:16:00.003-05:00

I don't know about you, but I have so many problems with this commercial:

The Projectionist's Take on Film Criticism and Blogging

2008-07-22T09:47:00.004-05:00

NY Times' film critic, David Edelstein, on the argument that film criticism is a dying art form and whether bloggers aid in the threat: "...there has been a lot of chatter in the last few years that criticism is a dying profession, having been supplanted by the democratic voices of the Web. Not to get all Lee Siegel on you, but the Internet has a mob mentality that can overwhelm serious criticism. There is superb film writing in blogs and discussion groups — as good as anything I do. But there are also thousands of semi-literate tirades that actually reinforce the Hollywood status quo, that say: “If you do not like The Dark Knight (or The Phantom Menace), you should be fired because you do not speak for the people.” This quote was part of his negative review of The Dark Knight, titled "'The Dark Knight' of My Soul."

Tom Who?! Tom Cruise.......THAT'S who!!

2008-07-22T08:48:00.005-05:00

A few of us from the office saw a sneak screening of Tropic Thunder last night and loved it. I was really looking forward to seeing Robert Downey Jr. in blackface--who else could successfully pull that off? As we were waiting for the movie to start, Charles leaned over and told me that Tom Cruise was supposed to have a cameo appearance in the film. What? My immediate thought was "Why?" The movie started and Robert Downey Jr. was hilarious, just as I expected. What I didn't expect was how incredibly funny Tom Cruise was going to be. He not only has a cameo, but he practically steals the movie with a few short scenes. He plays a great character--an emotionally unstable yet ruthless studio boss. This could definitely be a come-back role for him. More cameos like this, please, Tom!

Writing/Blogging Film Criticism & Journalistic Standards

2008-07-20T11:14:00.008-05:00

So, a little over a week ago I was invited to a small gathering at Noralil's apartment. She is a writer for ShortEnd Magazine, an online publication that hosts written and podcast reviews and interviews for independent film. She was hosting indie filmmaker and well-known blogger Sujewa Ekanayake, who was in town to interview people for his current project, a documentary film project about blogging--currently titled, "The Indie Film Bloggers: A Portrait of a Community." Noralil's podcast can be heard here. Little did I know that I would be interviewed during my visit, although I'm very glad I was because it spurred a pretty heated, yet healthy, debate between me and Gabe (yeah, I know, nothing new there--especially since neither of us have a shortage of opinions....about ANYTHING).

The taped interview went pretty well I think. Sujewa interviewed Gabe and I together and posed a lot of the same questions to the both of us. We didn't always agree but our disagreement during the interview itself was relatively mild and innocuous. The real debate happened when we left Noralil's apartment. Dan was also there and tried to serve as the even-keeled moderator, but since Gabe and I can both be hot-heads, he had a tough job ahead of him. At issue were two items: 1) Gabe argued that the loss of paid movie critics, resulting in the democratization of film criticism, harms the industry (of which I disagree) because we will lose writers, and 2) My telling Gabe that he is not a Writer (purposefully capitalized).

I'd like to work backwards here. First, while my words to Gabe may have come across as cold and sharp, much like the instruments used during castration, that was not my intention. In fact, I felt horrible the moment I said it, but I needed to push on and clarify my position. I was trying to define the term Writer, which I think I can now do (which will also help with the other argument). In my argument, a Writer is someone who sees writing as an end in itself, not to be confused with writing as a means to an end.

This leads us to the other issue: Does the loss of paid (mostly newsprint) movie critics threaten the industry with the loss of writers? Gabe argues that losing paid critics (ie: Eleanor Ringel from the AJC, Nathan Lee from the Village Voice) jeopardizes critics' authority and compromises journalistic writing standards. He feels as though these people will stop writing reviews and critiques altogether since they are no longer employed. I disagree. First of all, I defer back to my original definition of a Writer. I argue that if these writers stop writing simply because they are not getting paid, then they are not true writers. To be a Writer, one must write - paid or not. So, I believe that the true writers will still write, probably even more creatively and possibly be more brutally honest than when employed by an authoritative print source.

Where will these writers go? To their blogs....and so will their readers....and hungry advertisers will follow, providing them with an income, if they so choose to allow advertisers to purchase ad space on their blogs. Writers will rise to the top, just like cream.

Yes, I do think the proliferation of blogging as a standard form of communication and/or critique, writing standards have probably somewhat declined. We tend not to worry so much about our sentence structure or proper word usage. So, I agree that the loss of some formal film reviews will likely result in less formal journalistic writing standards, but I don't necessarily think the readers will suffer from it. I think readers, movie goers, and audiences in general tend to be somewhat self-selecting with what they read and watch. People who have been trained to read arguments will have a higher standard for writing and people who don't really care, will have lower standards. That doesn't make either group better than the other, it's just the way it is.

Does reading a NY Times critic's opinion change your mind about whether or not you want to see a movie? Is that even the goal? Do you think reading the opinion changes your point of view about the movie itself - pre/post screening? What if I were to switch out "NY Times' critic" with the "Knoxville News Sentinel critic"? Would that change things? What if one is paid and the other is not?

Thoughts?

The Dark Knight Deconstructed

2008-07-19T18:37:00.004-05:00

First, let me preface this blog by stating that I did like The Dark Knight. I thought it was a good movie with lots of intricacies for which it deserves many kudos. My overall rating of the movie is an A-. I do have a few problems with it that I think could've been easily rectified. I've tried to write this deconstruction in somewhat of an organized way.

Blatant Character Problems:
1. Beginning scene where the Joker places the smoke bomb into the bank manager/hero's mouth--why didn't he remove the smoke bomb from his mouth? His arms weren't paralyzed.....he'd been shot but was still able to move his arms and hands. Our natural human reaction would be to remove the obstruction from our mouth. (This character was played by William Fichtner.)

2. When Two-Face is in the car with Maroni and he gives Maroni a chance with fate with the flip of the coin, the first coin toss is heads--rewarding Maroni with his life. But then Two-Face flips the coin again and it comes up on the dark side, which Two-Face used as a reason to shoot Maroni's driver. This action fails because it breaks the character's behavior and code. The whole idea of chance (used by the Harvey Dent character) has always been given to the recipient....the person making the choice. The driver here is robbed of the chance and Two-Face made the choice for the driver, although he tried to pass the blame off to Maroni.

I do like the symbolism of the double-headed coin prior to the accident and Dent still using the coin flip as though he's leaving things up to chance (all the while knowing it will always come up heads--always being the winning recipient, especially over whomever plays along with his game), and then the coin changing after Rachel's death (thereby illustrating that we can only control actions/reactions and not the fate/actions of other people).

3. After the interrogation of the Joker, when Batman lied to the police about which person he was going after (Harvey Dent or Rachel Dawes), he actively contributed to her death. It's supposed to be against Batman's moral code to not kill, but this act of lying was a kill by omission. The Joker had given Batman two addresses, even taking into account the possibility of an address switch, Batman and the officers appear to show up at the same location (albeit at different times)--where Dent was being held.

Philosophy
As a student and lover of philosophy, I absolutely loved the many philosophical questions packed inside the movie. There was the classic Prisoner's Dilemma, Ethics vs. Utilitarianism, Taoism, Existentialism, Kant's Categorical Imperative, Game Theory, and quite a bit more. For all of that, thank you, Mr. Nolan!! Each of those are individual blogs in and of themselves.

The Joker
I seriously hope Heath Ledger gets an Oscar for his performance. Ledger played the part perfectly. From the first moment the audience is introduced to the Joker, it is clear that he is a fully developed character. Ledger added just the right amount of creepily insane mannerisms (ie: tongue slithers, lip smacking, walking oddly in a nurse's outfit, etc.). A great example of how Ledger fully embodied the character of the Joker was during his crashing of the fund raiser thrown by Bruce Wayne for Harvey Dent. After the Joker crashes the event, Rachel Dawes steps up and instructs him to stop tormenting people (not her words, but it's the sentiment). The Joker, liking what he sees as he turns to her voice, tries to be a bit lascivious and straightens his hair as he walks toward her. He delivers all of his lines excellently--especially when he says, "Hi," after entering the den of the mobsters.

Batman
I think Christian Bale was just an okay actor for this role. This seemed like a walk-on role for him and he didn't seem to bring anything particularly special to the character. And, what was up with Batman's voice? I know his voice needs to be somewhat masked to protect his true identity, but the voice was just a little too over the top, especially in the last 1/3 of the film (which seemed even more melodramatic).

Other Characters and/or Problems
1. I think the whole subplot of the snitch was superfluous. Seriously, if that whole storyline was cut out, it could've shortened the film and the audience/story wouldn't have lost anything.

2. The ending was a bit melodramatic. After seeing it a second time I do appreciate it a little better and can forgive some of the dramatic voice-over (which is only a semi-voice over since Gordon is supposed to be talking to his son), but I still think it's kind of a cop out and a cheap way to bail out on the audience.

3. There also appeared to be a couple of times that the movie could've successfully ended. After the great street chase/truck flip scene, with the Joker and Batman, would've been an ending because the Joker had been caught and taken into custody, while Batman was saved by Gordon and is recovering. I know the problem with ending it here is because Two-Face had not yet been created, but, nonetheless, it was a natural ending. However, the movie pressed on. There was another spot it could've ended, but it's not as strong as this example.

Oscar Question
Okay, I definitely think Heath Ledger should get an Oscar for his performance. My question is, if he is nominated, for which category will it be. I'm not really sure how/who determines the particular category for the nomination. For example, could/would Heath Ledger be nominated for the Leading Male, or would it be Lead Supporting because the Joker wasn't the protagonist in the film? Is the Leading vs. Lead Supporting based on the protagonist vs. the antagonist?

That's it for now. I know I'm forgetting some parts but the movie was so long and involved. I truly liked it though.

I might be changing my last name

2008-07-19T12:12:00.002-05:00

So, I'm thinking about changing my last name from Martinez to Daniels. Daniels is my original birth name. My father's name was Gary Daniels, but he and my mom got divorced when I was about six months old and then I was later adopted by her second husband, thereby giving me his last name of Speeks. I married way too young and thankfully divorced within a few years, but kept my married last name of Carter, to make it easier with paperwork and everything for my kids' sake (who were/are both Carter). Four years ago I married my long-time boyfriend of eight years (now together 12 years) and assumed his last name, Martinez. He is about as Hispanic as I am - it's all in the name. Well, after marrying him and changing my name, I was going through a career change and was looking for jobs. I seriously sent out about 50 resumes and never got one call from them. Given that I'm an experienced professional, I could not contribute it to my lack of experience, education or skill, the only conclusion I came to was that is was my last name. I think people read my last name on my resume and made certain assumptions - like I wouldn't be able to speak English or something.

Even though I'm not currently looking for a job, there are still repercussions for not having an "American" last name. I know we could go into the etymology of Daniels and last names, but you know what I mean. So, because I now get several mailings (junk, snail mail, and email) all written in Spanish, plus people continually asking me about my Hispanic background and/or upbringing, I'm seriously considering adopting the name I was originally given at birth. I know there will be lots of paperwork, but I'll deal with it. Plus, I also like the thought of returning to my true identity--there's something a little empowering about that. I haven't made a final decision yet, but I think I'm getting close. My name would change from Paula Renee Martinez to Paula Renee Daniels. Any thoughts?

Mamma Mia!

2008-07-17T23:39:00.002-05:00

I just came back from seeing Momma Mia! It was okay, nothing great--probably exactly what you'd expect. I've always loved Abba (as most people do, but nobody really ever admits it), but I never really listened too much to the lyrics until tonight. Two songs really resonated with me: Momma Mia & The Winner Takes It All. Interpret that however you want, but after reading the lyrics, they might resonate with you as well. Here are the lyrics:

Mamma Mia
I've been cheated by you since I don't know when
So I made up my mind, it must come to an end
Look at me now, will I ever learn?
I don't know how but I suddenly lose control
There's a fire within my soul
Just one look and I can hear a bell ring
One more look and I forget everything, w-o-o-o-oh

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much I've missed you
Yes, I've been brokenhearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did I ever let you go?
Mamma mia, now I really know,
My my, I could never let you go.

I've been angry and sad about things that you do
I can't count all the times that I've told you we're through
And when you go, when you slam the door
I think you know that you won't be away too long
You know that I'm not that strong.
Just one look and I can hear a bell ring
One more look and I forget everything, w-o-o-o-oh

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much I've missed you
Yes, I've been brokenhearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did I ever let you go?
Mamma mia, even if I say
Bye bye, leave me now or never
mamma mia, it's a game we play
Bye bye doesn't mean forever

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you?
Mamma mia, does it show again?
My my, just how much I've missed you
Yes, I've been brokenhearted
Blue since the day we parted
Why, why did I ever let you go
Mamma mia, now I really know
My my, I could never let you go

The Winner Takes It All
I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain.

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed

The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all

I don't wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all...

Lastly, I will never be able to listen to Abba without thinking about a trip Mike and I took to Malaysia in June 2006. We were in Singapore and took a day trip into Malaysia. The tour bus made several little stops at stores that served as little arts/crafts studio and tourist-trap store. One of the little places even provided us with musical entertainment. Below is a very quick little video of the store staff/craftspeople playing music for us. My only regret is the length of time it took me to get to my camera because just prior to the song they are playing in the video below, they played an instrumental version of Abba's Dancing Queen, using the exact same instruments--no kidding!

Atlanta Film Festival Exec Director Gabe Wardell at Doug Dank Tonight!

2008-07-16T08:32:00.003-05:00

Okay, this is actually a "before thought" instead of an After Thought, as the name of my blog states. After thoughts of tonight's show will follow.

The Doug Dank Project is a new long-form style improv show, fusing the unpredictable and impulsive nature of improvisation with the steadiness and permanence of true life stories.

Fueling the fire this week : Gabe Wardell - Executive Director of the Atlanta Film Festival

Gabriel Wardell has worked for festivals and non-profits for over a decade, at levels from projecting for Slamdance and the Atlanta Film Festival, to programming for the AFI Silver Theatre, producing the inaugural edition of SILVERDOCS, and hosting Cinema Sundays at the Charles in Baltimore. He has written film criticism, a sports column, and freelance articles in publications such as Film Threat, The Baltimore Sun, The Jewish Times and City Paper. Gabe developed an interest in independent film at an early agehis mother can even be seen in John Waters' Female Trouble, having her monster beehive hair-do teased silly by Dribbles.

Wednesday Night (July 16th), PushPush Theater at 10pm!!

only $5.

http://thedougdankproject.com/
http://pushpushtheater.com/

Keith Olbermann & Gabe do look somewhat alike (as Thomas commented below):

Atlanta Film Festival Screenplay Competition Now Accepting Entries!

2008-07-14T16:11:00.000-05:00

The Atlanta Film Festival Screenplay Competition looks to discover high quality screenplays and then help the writer further develop and refine their script through an intensive workshop retreat with professional writers and filmmakers.

ABOUT THE FESTIVAL
The Atlanta Film Festival has a 32 year history of discovering and nurturing new filmmaking talent, including showing early works by Steven Spielberg, Spike Lee, and Victor Nunez. Beyond showing completed films, the Atlanta has been involved in helping filmmakers at various stages of the filmmaking process through programs such as Perfect Pitch, the Southeastern Media Award, and Fiscal Sponsorship. All films start with a screenplay, so the Atlanta Film Festival wanted to help screenwriters develop their screenplays by awarding winners of the Atlanta Film Festival Screenplay Competition the opportunity to workshop their script with industry professionals at a weekend retreat. The first screenplay competition was held in 2007 where the winners received dedicated feedback from Traci Carroll, Joy Lusco Kecken, Michael Lucker, Molly Mayeux, Kent Osborne, and Doug Sadler. The first year was an overwhelming success for winners and mentors and was called "the single most productive and educational experience I've ever had, in terms of developing a screenplay and plotting a film career," writes winner Brett Wood.

Screenplay Competition Submission Deadlines and Fees:

Earlybird: June 27, 2008

Features: Standard - 35.00, Student - 30.00, Atlanta Film Festival Member - 30.00

Shorts: Standard - 30.00, Student - 25.00, Atlanta Film Festival Member - 25.00

Screenplay with Coverage: Standard - 145.00, Student - 135.00, Atlanta Film Festival member - 135.00

Regular: July 25, 2008

Features: Standard - 40.00, Student - 35.00, Atlanta Film Festival Member - 35.00

Shorts: Standard - 35.00, Student - 30.00, Atlanta Film Festival - 30.00

Screenplay with Coverage: Standard - 155.00, Student - 145.00, Atlanta Film Festival - 145.00

Late: August 22, 2008

Features: Standard - 50.00, Student - 45.00, Atlanta Film Festival Member - 45.00

Shorts: Standard - 40.00, Student - 35.00, Atlanta Film Festival Member - 35.00

Screenplay with Coverage: Standard - 165.00, Student - 155.00, Atlanta Film Festival Member - 155.00

Extended: September 5, 2008

Feature: Standard - 65.00, Student - 60.00, Atlanta Film Festival Member - 60.00

Shorts: Standard - 55.00, Student - 50.00, Atlanta Film Festival Member - 50.00

Screenplay with Coverage: Standard 180.00, Student - 170.00, Atlanta Film Festival Member - 170.00

Feature Screenplay

Feature screenplays are unproduced screenplays that are over 50 pages in length in standard screenplay format.

Short Screenplay

Short screenplays are screenplays that are 25 to 50 pages in standard screenplay format using 12-point courier font.

Screenplay with Coverage

The Screenplay with Coverage category is for screenplays of any length up to 130 pages. In addition to eligibility for the contest and prizes, entrants in this category will receive coverage by an industry professional covering areas such as storyline, character development, and format.

In general, coverage will be provided 6 to 8 weeks after receipt of screenplay. If coverage will be more than 8 weeks, writers will notified by email.

GENERAL RULES

1) Screenplays must not have been previously optioned, purchased or produced.

2) Entrants must also submit a logline/summary of the screenplay, no longer than one page.

3) Screenplays must be in English, formatted with 12-point courier font.

4) Screenplays shorter than 25 pages or longer than 130 pages will not be accepted.

5) Screenplays must be copyrighted or registered material.

6) Please note that the prize for the Atlanta Film Festival Screenplay Competition is a workshop retreat to further polish the screenplay with guidance by industry professionals. The retreat will take place in Georgia November 14-16, 2008.

The Atlanta Film Festival Screenplay Competition will provide travel from within the U.S., Canada, or Mexico as well as room and board for one for the retreat.

7) All entrants must be 18 years of age or older.

A thought on Hard Candy

2008-07-12T15:14:00.002-05:00

The most unbelievable thing that happened in the movie Hard Candy, was when Jeff (Patrick Wilson), after freeing one hand, doesn't reach for his genitals before freeing the second hand. Ellen Page did a fantastic job in this little movie.......a few years prior to her Oscar nom for last year's Juno.

Gonzo

2008-07-06T16:29:00.004-05:00

I just finished watching Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson and I have to say that there aren't many people in life who live and die exactly as they wanted, but based on the movie, it appears that Dr. Hunter Thompson was an exception. I liked the movie but wished it delved into his dark side a little more....with his various affairs and the last 10-15 years of his life. Overall, the movie was entertaining and informative, albeit somewhat of a polemic.

Klondike Bar or No Klondike Bar?

2008-07-05T12:11:00.000-05:00

Klondike Bar for this guy

No Klondike Bar for this guy

Sweet Werewolves All Summer Long

2008-07-02T21:34:00.001-05:00

Maybe it's just me, but doesn't Kid Rock's "All Summer Long" tune sound a tad bit similar to Warren Zevon's "Werewolves of London" and Skynrd's "Sweet Home Alabama"?

Kid Rock - "All Summer Long"

Warren Zevon - "Werewolves of London"

Lynrd Skynrd - "Sweet Home Alabama"

Ouch

2008-06-07T22:57:00.001-05:00

My heart hurts.

Maybe I'm My Worst Problem

2008-06-01T12:25:00.005-05:00

When I first starting thinking about writing this bog, I had intended on titling it "Men suck!" I planned to ramble on about how most of the men in my life had failed me in some way, with their flawed characters and/or personality traits. As I was mentally reviewing a lot of these behaviors, several of my female friends popped in my head, as well. So, then I started to rethink the title and decided the more appropriate name of the blog should just be "People Suck!" Further thought brought me to the conclusion that I am the common denominator in all of the problematic and dysfunctional relationships I've been reflecting upon. So, that is why I decided on the more apt title, "Maybe I'm My Worst Problem."

I don't write this to seek sympathy or garner pity in any way. I'm truly trying to reflect on my life--my behaviors, thoughts, emotions, desires, logic, etc--to gain some sort of insight in pursuit of happiness (or increased happiness). That stated, I seem to have some masochistic tendencies. It seems I tend to surround myself with people who hurt me - not so much physically (which has happened in the past), but emotionally. I recently started studying several personality and behavioral traits of some close friends and realized there are a lot of similarities. I wonder what it is about these people that attract me. More importantly, how can I identify it and change, or ignore, that attraction in the future?

That's it for now.

What is your favorite Sydney Pollack movie?

2008-05-27T20:46:00.000-05:00

What is your favorite Sydney Pollack movie?

Here is an abbrviated list of his most popular:
Random Hearts
Sabrina
The Firm
Out of Africa
Tootsie
Absence of Malice
Three Days of the Condor
The Way We Were

Here's a link to IMDB to get a full listing of all of his films.

Are you going.........

2008-03-21T20:47:00.000-05:00

Okay, well, maybe not the same thing.........but, can you believe this?!

Reluctance

2008-03-12T20:49:00.000-05:00

Reluctance

Out through the fields and the woods
And over the walls I have wended;
I have climbed the hills of view
And looked at the world and descended;
I have come by the highway home,
And lo, it is ended.

The leaves are all dead on the ground,
Save those that the oak is keeping
To ravel them one by one
And let them go scraping and creeping
Out over the crusted snow,
When others are sleeping.

And the dead leaves lie huddled and still,
No longer blown hither and thither;
The last lone aster is gone;
The flowers of the witch-hazel wither;
The heart is still aching to seek,
But the feet question 'Whither?'

Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of a love or a season?

Robert Frost

Atlanta Film Festival Opening Night World Premier

2008-03-10T20:50:00.000-05:00

THE LENA BAKER STORY
Director: Ralph Wilcox, 101 min.
Thursday, April 10 @ 7:30PM

Click here to watch the trailer.

Shot in Colquitt,Georgia at the Southeast Film Commission's Jokara-Micheaux Film, Television, and Music Production Studio, THE LENA BAKER STORY recounts the tragic true story of the first and only woman sentenced to die in the electric chair in the state of Georgia. Against her will, African American housekeeper, Lena Baker (Tichinia Arnold, searing and vivid) engages in a complicated and controversial affair with Eliot Arthur (Peter Coyote), the father of her white employer (Chris Burns). Warned to stay away from the abusive drunkard by both her mother (Beverly Todd) and the town sheriff (Michael Rooker in a subtle, and complex performance), Baker gives into Arthur's advances in a misguided attempt to protect her family. When she finally has enough, Lena attempts to break away. Arthur threatens her with a gun and a shocking confrontation ensues leaving Baker facing a murder wrap in the Jim Crow era south, at the mercy of a jury of twelve white men.

In 2005, Baker was posthumously pardoned, undoing sixty years later, the damage done in a speedy six hour trial. Inspired by the 1998 Dr. Lena Bond Phillips' book credited with re-opening the case, this film changes the names of all the major players, with the exception of Lena Baker.

This debut feature film from writer, director and producer Ralph Wilcox is a work of tremendous promise, marking the arrival of another major force to the growing roster of Georgia-based powerhouse producers.

Cast and crew will be in attendance for a post-screening Q&A.

After the post-screening join us for an Opening Night celebration at the Atlanta Contemporary Art Center (Home of the Atlanta Film Festival Offices).

Buy tickets online now!

Screening:
REGAL ATLANTIC STATION STADIUM 16
371 17th St.
Atlanta, Georgia, 30363
404.347.9894
www.regalcinemas.com

After Party:
ATLANTA CONTEMPORARY ART CENTER
535 Means Street
Atlanta, GA 30318